So I was out Christmas shopping earlier today, decided to stop in at the local garden section to pick out some succulents for my wife, tripped over a hose and ended up falling into the Aloe Vera.

Hurt like hell, but healed very quickly.

What did one succulent British plant say to the other?

'Aloe! Vera nice to meet you!

Someone stole my succulent plant.

That was aloe move.

Berry good

Two guys were arguing over the best way to grow strawberries. One asserted that Miracle-Gro was the best method, the other insisted that cow manure would yield the largest and sweetest berries. They finally decided to ask Mrs. Thompson, who was known far and wide for her succulent, large strawberr...

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Pedro and Juan are stranded in the desert... (My favourite joke, [LONG])

After a day of walking, staggering, then crawling, they are thirsty, starving, and near death. They are about to give up when Juan exclaims,

“Pedro, look! At thee bottom of the dune... it’s an Oasis!”

Pedro struggles to bring his head up to look. “Juan... I think so my friend. I think...

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A rabbit one day managed to break free from a laboratory

where he had been born and brought up. As he scurried away from the fencing of the compound, he felt grass under his little feet and saw the dawn breaking for the first time in his life.


"WOW! This is great," he thought. It wasn’t long before he came to a hedge and, after squeezing ...

I was eating at a restaurant and decided to try a dish I'd never had before. I was quite shocked when I found out that the meal was just a small plant with thick, fleshy leaves. But don't worry...

...it was succulent.

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Everyone on reddit seems to want a secular Turkey...

My fat ass just wants a succulent one.

My depressed botanist friend is gonna open a specialized plant store.

It's called Everything Succulents.

Bullfighting novice

A tourist goes to Spain wanting to see some bullfights. After attending a full day of it, he fells quite hungry and goes to a little restaurant just by the bullfighting stadium. The special of the day are the meatballs, which he orders without much enthusiasm. Just some meatballs in a small restaur...

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Choose heaven or hell

A man dies and goes to heaven where he meets St. Pete. St. Pete welcomes him and says that there is a new regulation now where a soul gets to choose if they want to go to heaven or hell. The soul must spend three days in hell and three days in heaven and after that he chooses where to go.

The...

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A milkman delivers some milk to a house and a drop-dead gorgeous blonde answers the door in her robe

The blonde confesses her fantasy of taking a bath in milk and invites the milkman in to indulge her strange fetish.

The milkman goes into the bathroom where the blonde strips off the robe revealing her succulent body and lays in the bath tub.

The milkman asks the blonde if she would l...

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