A blonde called her boyfriend and said,

“Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can’t figure out how to put it together or how to get it started.” Her boyfriend asked, “What is it supposed to be when it’s finished?” The blonde said, “ According to the picture on the box, it’s a tiger.” Her boyfriend decide...

An old cowboy

walks into a barbershop in Dillon, Montana for a
shave and a haircut. He tells the barber he can't get all his whiskers off because his cheeks are wrinkled from age.

The barber gets a little
wooden ball from a cup on the shelf and tells the old cowboy to put it inside his cheek to sp...

The Jones didn't have any children and decided to use a proxy father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Jones kissed his wife and said, "I'm off, honey. The man should be here soon."

Half an hour later, a door-to-door baby photographer rang the doorbell with the hopes of making a sale.

"Good morning madam. You don't know me but I've come to....."

"Oh, there's no need to explain. I've been expecting you," Mrs. Jones cut in.

"You have?" the photographer asked....

An old man lay dying in his bed.

In death’s agony, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favourite chocolate chip cookies wafting up the stairs. He gathered his remaining strength, and lifted himself from the bed.

Leaning against the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and with even greater effort forced himself ...

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What did one boob say to the other?

- don't hang so low, they'll think we're nuts



What did one nut say to the other?

- what are we hangin' for? Peter did all the shootin'



What did one leg say to the other?

- spread out, here come two nuts driving a hot rod

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Two friends go hunting...

…..after a long day of hunting, they killed a few deer. One friend begins to field dress the deer, the other is having some stomach issues, so he goes to sit on a log and let nature run its’ course. In doing so, the man falls asleep on the log.

The friend that was field dressing the deer real...

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There was a man nicknamed Onestone

He was given that name as he only had one testicle. One day he was tired of everyone calling him that and he proclaimed that he would kill anyone who called him that from now on. Years went by, no one dared to call him onestone. However, a woman named Yellowbird forgot and called out to him shouting...

One time a lady walked up to me and asked me about my relationship with God

I politely responded "Well Jesus and I were going steady for a while but we broke up. One day I came home from work and he was spread out and being nailed by a bunch of Romans, so I had to break it off, he tried to hang in there but our relationship was dead a few days later."

I have two requirements in my will....

1) I want my remains spread out at Disney World

2) I do not want to be cremated.

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Ok, you got me.

A drug raid is going on at a house in the suburbs. The cops kick in the door and spread out through the house. A DEA agent breaks open a bathroom door to find a man holding what appears to be a bag of coke over a toilet.

"Freeze, motherfucker!" The cop shouts.

"Ok, ok, you got me." T...

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A Virgin On His Wedding Night [NSFW]

A man had never had sex before. On his wedding night he entered the bedroom to find his wife completely naked. His wife asked, "Do you know what I want?", to which he replied "No."

The wife lay on bed then asked, "Now, Do you know what I want?", once again he said "No."

The wife now ...

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Alessandro was all excited to emigrate to America from Italy

But just few days later he was back in his home town. His friends asked him “Alessandro wha happen?”
Alessandro said “Well I landa in New York and its a too cold. I say America land of the free, I go anywhere do anything. I taka the train to Florida. On the train, I smoka cigarette. The conducta ...

Little Tommy was doing very badly in math.

Little Tommy was doing very badly in math. His parents had tried
everything; tutors, flash cards, special learning centers, in short,
everything they could think of. Finally in a last ditch effort, they took
Tommy down & enrolled him in the local Catholic School.

After the firstd...

My blonde friend called me the other day...

Hey, can you come over real quick? I have a puzzle and I can’t figure out how to put it together. I have all the pieces spread out on the table and I don’t know where to start. All the pieces look the same to me!

What’s the picture on the box? I asked

It’s a tiger, I think.

So I...

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An elderly priest was found in the Vatican library weeping inconsolably...

He had ancient manuscripts spread out in front of him. Some curators walked up to him and said "What is the matter, Father?"

Between sobs, he replied: "Some bastard dropped the 'R'. It was supposed to say CELEBRATE!"

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Superman is Horny

Superman was horny one day as he's flying around.

He sees Batman and flies up to him and starts chatting him up.

>Superman "So Batman, you wanna go look for some pussy tonight?"

>Batman "Sorry Supe, Commissioner Gordon wants to meet with me tonight to discuss some of the c...

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Real Rabbi Joke

OK - so many years ago, i was actually a practicing jew, in a yeshiva no less. The rabbi's would sometimes tell us jokes. most were awful. this one i thought was amusing. in a reddit filled with old reposts, i think it'll at least be a bit fresh.

A long time ago there was a small jewish commu...

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A Finnish WWII air force verteran was about to give a talk to an American high school.

He was stereotypically Nordic: pale skin, fair hair, and a heavy accent.


He introduced himself and began with a vivid description of his first dogfight in the Lapland War. "Literally the moment after we take off and got through the fog we saw them. Eight pesky Fokkers were spread out an...

A Tale of Two Fleas

A flea had oiled up his little flea legs and his little flea arms, had spread out his blanket, and was proceeding to soak up the Miami sun, when who should stumble by on the beach but an old flea friend of his.

“Oscar, what happened to you?” asked the flea, because Oscar looked terrible, wra...

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