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Soccer Players Jokes

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Beavis & Butt-Head would be great soccer players

Watching them fail to score is actually amusing.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man in New York walked into the produce section of his local supermarket and asked to buy half a head of cabbage.

The boy working in that department told him that they only sell whole heads of cabbage. 

The man was insistent that the boy ask the manager about the matter...

Walking into the back room, the boy said to the manager, "Some old b\*\*\*\*\* outside wants to buy half a head of cabbage."...

Two German soccer players go to a sperm bank..

The nurse there tells them that she can only take samples from one of them. Since they are both very strong men, she comes to a conclusion and tells them "I'll take a sample from the fastest runner"

This is alarming to the two German's, both of them being completely exhausted from the previou...

Why are soccer players so artistic?

Because every game ends in a DRAW

What’s the difference between Basketball players and Soccer players?

Basketball players get actual injuries.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why are soccer players shit at origami?

Because they can't use their hands

Why soccer players don't play Uno?

Because ​​they don't like to get red cards.

What did the Soccer players day when the owl died on the field?

F-owl

Why do you never see any Asian soccer players?

Because when they get a corner they build a shop.

How many Polish soccer players does it take to score a goal?

2: One polish player to score the goal, and one polish goal keeper to try to stop him.

What do Greek soccer players wear?

Soccer tee's

A man and his blond wife were watching the news when a story came on about a plane crash.

The news anchor said that six Brazilian soccer players were on the plane and none of them survived. The wife started crying uncontrollably. The man was very concerned and asked his wife why she was so upset. She replied, "I don't know how many a brazillion is, but it sure sounds like a lot!"

Employee comes back from a business trip to Brazil

Boss: How was your trip?

Employee: It was fine but I don’t like Brazil. The whole country is nothing but soccer players and hookers.

Boss: You do know that my wife is Brazilian, right?

Employee (flushing): Oh really? Which team does she play for?

Satan and St. Peter decided to hold a soccer game in paradise...

Satan and St. Peter decided to hold a soccer game in paradise. It was to be hell versus heaven.

When everything had been arranged, St. Peter said to Satan, "Look, I can't be dishonest with you. There is no way that your side can win. All soccer players are simple, pure people and when they di...

What's green and yellow and can't fly?

Brazilian soccer players.

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