I set my burrito down on the window sill and went to get a drink. When I came back, there was a long line of ants running into my food!!

I hate sill ant row!

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A woman wakes up after a Vaginal Tuck.

On the window sill, she sees three bunches of flowers.

One from her surgeon to say all went well.

One from her husband, "get well soon and I love you."

And one from Tommy in the burns unit, to say,

"Thank you for the new ears."

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A guy meets a girl at a nightclub and she invites him back to her place for the night,,,,

..... Her parents are out of town and this is the perfect opportunity. They got back to her house and they go into her bedroom, and when the guy walks in the door he notices all these fluffy toys. There's hundreds of them, fluffy toys on top of the wardrobe, fluffy toys on the bookshelf and window s...

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On a snowy, cold winter day...

On a snowy, cold winter day, a priest decides to go visit his brother. Because the path is all snowy, it takes him much longer than he expected.

It was already pitch dark when he sees a light... He decides to follow it and when he comes to it, there is a monastery full of nuns. He knocks and ...

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Elizabeth Taylor goes in to get her vagina reconditioned.

Elizabeth : Dr. I want to have the vagina of an 18 year old.

Dr. : Ok that can be done.

Elizabeth: Ok but please, ABSOLUTELY NO PAPARAZZI or MEDIA involvement!

Dr. : Of course, it will be completely confidential.


The surgery occurs with no complications. in f...

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Husband goes to a police station, says ‘My wife is missing!’

Husband goes to a police station...
“My wife is missing! She went out yesterday and has not come home...”

Sergeant at Police Station:
“What is her height?”

Husband:
“Gee, I'm not sure. A little over five-feet tall

Sergeant:
“Weight?”

Husband:
“Don't know. N...

What do you call two guys sitting on a Window Sill?

Kurt n Rod

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Three guys died the same day

3 guys all died on the same day, and they're standing in line before Peter and the pearly gates.

Peter says "ayy fellas, I'm a little full today. I tell you what. Whichever one of you has the best death story gets in today."

So ol' Pete pulls the first guy over and asks how he dies. ...

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Three men arrive in Heaven at the same time.

As they approach the Pearly Gates, Saint Peter appears before them.

"The rules are simple: to get into Heaven, first you have to tell me how you die. If I'm satisfied with your story, you can come in."

The first man steps forward.

"Imagine this. You come home to your sixth-floo...

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Dan returns home from work when he finds his wife in bed with another man

He locks them in the bedroom from outside while he tries to calm himself down and figure out what to do in the situation. He ultimately decides that while he may eventually forgive his wife, he cannot let the man go and so Dan decides to beat the shit out of him. He steps into the storeroom for a mi...

Three men approached the Pearly Gates.

As there was only one place left, St Peter said that whoever had the most remarkable and worthy death could enter.

He asked the first man how he died and the man replied, "Imagine this. I suspected my wife was having an affair behind my back and I wanted to find out the truth. I cam...

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A Morning Poem

I woke early one morning, The  earth lay cool and still. When Suddenly a tiny bird perched upon my window sill, He sang a song so lovely, so carefree and so gay, that slowly all my troubles began to slip away.   He sang of far off places, of laughter and of fun, it seemed this very trilling, bro...

An old mafia boss was at the end of his life

He knew he didn't have much time left to live and he was getting worried about where he might end up after his death if he did not get absolution for his sins. He had been a very evil person and he knew that any old village priest would not be able to do the job so instead he arranged a meeting with...

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A man sleeps with the farmer's daughter...

He wakes up with a cinder block on his chest and a note: Farmers Revenge 1 of 3: Cinder block on chest.

The man scoffs, and throws the block out the window. As it falls, he notices the second note on the window sill: Farmers Revenge 2 of 3: Cinder block tied to right testacle.

Without ...

My friend asked if I knew what kind of sweater he was wearing.

I said I had no idea, he said "Guess."

"Hollister?"

"No. Guess."

"North face?"

"No... Guess"

I sill don't know.

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Three men arrive in heaven..

Three men arrive in heaven at the same time and St. Peter comes out to greet them.

"Sorry about this guys" St Peter says, "God didn't realise how many people would get into heaven, so we have a new policy. You now have to tell me the story of how you died, and if i think it's sad or interesti...

Sarah is a girl who was born with no body. No arms, no legs, not even a torso. Nothing below her neck.

In a major medical accomplishment, doctors develop a set of very small devices to function as her internal organs and install them in her neck. These keep her fully functional with exception of being able to walk or manipulate objects as if she had arms or legs.

Once she is released from the ...

Wife is going into labor

A couple are rushing into the hospital because the wife is going into labour.
As they walk, a doctor says to them that he has invented a machine that splits the pain between the mother and father.
They agree to it and are led into a room where they get hooked up to the machine.
The doctor s...

A guy and his pet window walk into a bar

After a few drinks the two decide to leave. But before they head out the bartender reminds them that they still have to pay. So the guy stuffs 20 bucks in the window sill and the bartender scoffs and says: "What, is the window pane?"

A woman gave birth to a child who had no body.

Her son was just a head. When the child was eight years old, he would sit on the window sill everyday, watching the other kids play football. He would ask his mom everyday, "Can I play football with the other children?" His mom always had the same reply: "You can't play football because you don't ha...

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Three men die and are waiting to see St Peter

As they wait in line, they decide to pass the time by telling stories of how they died.

The first man said "So there I was, walking home from work when I saw my wife through the window of my apartment with another man. I've been suspecting her of cheating for some time but now I finally had p...

Stop me if you've heard this one before.

Jim was suspicious that his wife had been cheating on him. He took off from work early to see if he could catch her in the act. Driving up to his apartment Jim caught a glimpse through an open window of a strange man walking around in his dining room. Now convinced his wife has been unfaithful, J...

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