Second Person Jokes

Neil before me.

Me: Bruce and I are teaming up for a 3 member mission and are looking for a second person. Would you like to join us?

Them: Uhh... do you mean a third person?

Me: Bruce is 3rd person, I is first person, you is second person

When they died, God granted all of them one wish. The first person said, "I want to be gorgeous." God snapped his fingers and it happened. The second person said the same thing and God did the same thing. This want on and on throughout the group. God noticed the last man in line was laughing hysteri... read more

100 of the ugliest people on a bus, they crash and are all sent to heaven. The angel there felt very sorry for all of them and decides to send them back all with one wish each. The first victim steps up.

“I wish to be the most beautiful person in the world.”

And with a wave of the ange... read more

They ask the first person, "Why did you bring a canteen?"

The first person responds, "So we can fill it up with water and use it to drink."

They ask the second person, "Why did you bring a flare gun?"

The second person responds, "So I can send a distress signal and someone can f... read more

When they happened to come upon an old well. One person looks at the other and says, "I wonder how deep that well is."

The other responds, "We can figure that out quick enough. Grab one of these logs here, toss it down the well, and count how long it takes to splash."

So the two find a... read more

THIS ACTUALLY HAPPENED TODAY

I had to go to the corner shop to get some bread and ketchup as we ran out yesterday.

I went in got my medium warburtons loaf and the classic bottle of heinz beans and joined the queue.

When I was the second person to the counter the man in front of ... read more

A bus filled with burn victims unfortunately crashes over a cliff and they all arrive at Heaven's gates in front of St. Peter.

God instructs St. Peter to give them all one wish since they've had a tough life as burn victims.

St. Peter explains this to the group and the first person ask... read more

Wife: The singular second person personal pronoun.

Husband: What?

Wife: YOU.

Immediately, the first person pipes up, "Ah, I see the glass is half full!" This person is an optimist.

The second person states, "Naw man, why would he bring us a half-full glass? He obviously drank some. It's now half empty." This person is a pessimist.

The third person scoffs, "Why ... read more

Three friends are stuck on an island. One day, one of the them found a bottle floating near land. It so happen to be a genie bottle! "Thankyou for freeing me! You may have three wishes!", the genie explains. The first person wished to go back home, and just like that, they vanished and went home! Ex... read more

The first person, an astronaut, says: "Well, I'm an astronaut, so I drive a Saturn".

The second person says, "Well I'm a pimp, so I'd drive a cheap Escort."

Not to be outdone the last person says, "I'm a doctor, so I drive a brown Probe."

They stumble on a magic lamp. The genie comes out and says, “I will grant you each one wish.”

The first person says, “I wish I were on a private island with a jet and a fat bank account.” Poof! The person disappears.

The second person wishes to be back with family and friends. Poof! T... read more

Two people are looking at a car. The first person looks at the trunk and says, "Cargo space?"

The second person looks at the other as if he's crazy. "Car no do that. Car no fly."

The first person asked the bartender for some H20.

The second person asked for some H20 too.

They both sat down and enjoyed their drinks.

The second person died.


*Credit to my Chemistry Teacher for making this joke*

Person 1: Second person personal pronoun. 3 letters

Person 2: You

Person 1: Past participle of fall. 4 letters

Person 2: Fell

Person 1: Not the number, but the word. 3 letters

Person 2: For

Person 1: Horror movie that received a sequel in 2019. 2 letters
... read more

First person: I want the largest glass of beer you have.

Second person: You want the largest glass of beer we have?

Third person: He wants the largest glass of beer you have.

They each decided to carry something useful from their car and walk until they found civilization. The first person said “I will carry these sandwiches, so if we get hungry we can eat them.” The second person said “I will take these water bottles, so if we get thirsty we have something to drink.” Th... read more

The first person asks for a beer, the second person asks for two beers, the third asks for three and so on.
The bartender gets 1/12 of a beer then everyone leaves.

...and went to Hell. Lucifer happily gives them a tour before stopping beside a row of three doors. At the first door, the Devil bade the first person to enter, whilst asking, "If you had one wish for anything in the world, what would it be?" The first man immediately blurted, "I want an endless sup... read more

...suddenly the girl trips and stumbles against something and gets mud on her shoes. Her partner helps her clean up, hails a nearby taxi and they drive off.

An eyewitness retells the scene to another:
"I saw this couple walk down the street, the woman tripped and fell in the mud, the guy h... read more

When he hears a knock at the door, he gets up and opens the door and sees two people


"You need to be saved!" the first person at the door says

"Get outta here with that bullsh\*t" the guy says

"But sir, if you don't get saved, you'll burn!" the second person says

"I... read more

Afterwards, the boss walks to the second person.
"We know you cheated off of [the first person]"
"How so?"
"On number 6, he said 'I don't know,' and you said 'I don't know either.'"

The first person is missing his family. His wife just had his son and he misses him very much. The second person is also sad because he had just got married yesterday. The third person however, can do nothing but smile.
All of a sudden, a lamp falls out of the sky and onto the hands of the first... read more

Three men have died and arrive together in the pearly gates.

St. Peter asks the first man "Have you ever cheated on your wife?"

The man proudly answers "Not once in 40 years of marriage"

"You are a good man" St Peter tells him. "Here are the keys to your brand new Porsche. " He... read more