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Sas Jokes

SAS

In ww2 the British were Recutting for the SAS that’s managed to cut it down to 3 people. They gave them each a gun and said go and shoot your wife.

The first man said “no I can’t do it” .

The second man went in and came straight back out.

And the third man shouted “FOR KING AND ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Labour politician, a BBC TV reporter and a British SAS soldier were captured by ISIS...

They were, as usual, sentenced to death by beheading.

Unexpectedly, the ISIS leader said they could have one last request before their sentence was carried out...

The Labour politician asked to hear a rendering of "Keep the Red Flag Flying Here".

The BBC TV reporter asked that t...

A Taliban commander is walking through the mountains with his troops..

Everything is calm and then from behind hill comes a voice "one SAS solider is better than 10 of your men." Excited at the thought of taking out an SAS member, the commander sends 10 of his troops over the hill. After a short period of gun fighting, silence falls. And then again, from behind the hil...

Women are finally being allowed to join the SAS!

About time as well, there's no way those brave lads should be cooking their own meals.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man sees a sign outside a house: 'Talking greyhound For Sale’

He rings the bell, the owner appears and tells him the dog can be viewed in the back garden. The man sees a very nice looking greyhound sitting there.

"Do you really talk?" he asks the greyhound.

"Oh yes," the greyhound replies.

After recovering from the shock of hearing the gre...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Counselling.



A couple goes to marriage counselling. They are sitting talking to the counsellor and she asks what their main problem is, the wife says, “it’s my husband’s work. Because of that, I don’t get any pleasure from sex.”

The counsellor says, “does he work long hours and is never home, or i...

What do you call someone with an unkempt bush?

Sas-crotch

When asked to secure the building, the different branches of the military all took unique approachs.

The Army set up a defensive perimeter. Surrounding the building with 50cal implacements, tanks, sandbags, barbed wire and strategically placed snipers.

The SAS approached under the cover of night and stormed the building with a hard and fast two pronged ground and air assault.

The Na...

How do you prove triangles congruent with attitude?

Do it with SAS.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman went to the doctor with indigestion.

The doctor examined her and told her she was pregnant. 'I can't be' she said 'I am not married and havn't had sex for months'. The doctor thought for a minute and then asked if her boyfriend was a member of the SAS. 'Yes' she exclaimed 'how did you know?' The doctor said 'well, they are trained to g...

Bush, the Queen, Putin and Borisov are in front of 4 banks.

So, Bush, The Queen, Putin and bulgaria's very own PM Borisov are standing in front of 4 banks.

They decide to send in their best.

Bush sends in his best marine platoon, and after 2 hours they come out with all the cash.

The queen sends in her best SAS platoon, and after an hour...

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