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Ruffled Jokes

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An old Welshman’s wife storms into his bedroom to find him sitting on the ruffled bed.

“How did this muddy cunt get in here?”, she snapped, holding a sheep in her hands.

The man sat there silently. The bedsheets are sprawled and the room is a mess. He opens his mouth to answer back but she cuts him off.

“Don’t bother! I’ve seen you and the farmer’s wife staring at each o...

Ruffled feathers ahead.

What do you call a woman that is never late, can actually drive a car and doesn't need help killing spiders? Bruce Jenner.

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Firemen

In a small southern town there was a "Nativity Scene " that showed great skill and talent had gone into creating it. One small feature bothered me. The three wise men were wearing firemen's helmets. Totally unable to come up with a reason or explanation, I left. At a "Quick Stop " on the edge of tow...

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Barak Obama was touring the countryside...

... in his chauffeur-driven limo.

Suddenly, a donkey jumps out onto the road, and they hit it full on and the car comes to a stop.

Obama says to the chauffeur: 'You get out and check, you were driving.'

The chauffeur gets out, checks and reports that the animal is dead.

...

Ole has not been satisfying Lena lately, so he goes off to the doctor

When he comes back he is wearing pinstripe trousers, ruffled shirt with silk tie, a frock coat and a tall hat. He has a huge gold pocket watch and is smoking a cigar the size of a dachshund, and he is leaning on a silver-mounted ebony walking stick.

"Ole!" yells Lena, "what on earth are you d...

The warden only allowed boys who did a good deed that day to eat supper in the hostel dining room.



During their induction she taught them what were considered good deeds - running an errand for someone, helping an old lady cross the road, teaching other students things they don't understand and the like are examples of good deeds and should be rewarded, she explained.

The young bo...

A string walks into a bar..

The string takes a seat at the bar and ask the bartender for a drink. The bartender replies, "We don't serve to strings in this bar, you'll have to see yourself out."
The string, feeling dejected, walks out and stumbles upon two rugged strings in an alley. The shady looking thugs stop the st...

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An elderly woman bought a parrot.

An elderly woman bought a parrot. She asked if it would behave if she took it to church with her on Sundays.
The owner said it shouldn't be a problem and that she could put him on her shoulder and he would stay there.
She bought the parrot and the next week put him on her shoulder and went off...

Fighting budgie (long)

This poor man walked into a pub, hoping that someone would buy him a free pint. He sat there for ages until someone finally came over and gave him a raffle ticket. The ticket was entered into a draw and he won a budgie in a massive cage. The poor man sat there and said to this guy "Now what the bloo...

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