What did Jesus say after he resurrected on the third day?

“You crossed the wrong guy”



I think all the redditors will agree, with this joke, I nailed it

When Jesus was resurrected, an angel escorted him to Heaven in a flying car

As the car ascended to the skies, it suddenly stalled and fell.

One of the disciples looked up and said, "Guess he shouldn't have driven emmanuel."

What do you call a resurrected guy that was shot to death?

The Holy Ghost

What did Jesus say to the disciples when he resurrected?

Please stop staring and pass me the fish sandwich, it's been 3 days and I'm starving.

If Jesus was born on Christmas and was resurrected on Easter, what happened on Black Friday?

Sales at K-Mart

What was the first thing Jesus said after he was resurrected?

April Fools.

Did you know, the cave where Jesus was resurrected...

contained a large quantity of hydrating body lotion? He was moist-jew-rising.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did Jesus said when he resurrected ?

Fucking lag, three days to respawn !

This is the story of Easter

While travelling throughout Jerusalem, President Trump suddenly gets a heart attack and subsequently dies. De undertaker tells the american diplomats and bodyguards that accompanied him this: "You could have him sent home for $50000 or you could bury him here in the holy land, after currency exchang...

Husband and wife go on a holiday in Jerusalem.

His wife has an accident and dies.

The guide explains to her husband the possibilities for her funeral:

- It would cost you $ 5000 to send her home or $ 150 to bury her here.

"I think I'm going to choose the first option," said the husband

- Why? You can make a beautiful ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Greek, a Jew, and an Irishman are accidentally killed by a bus.

An angel descends and tells them "Actually, there's been a mistake. It wasn't your time to die. We will let you come back to life, but you must promise to renounce your vices."

To the Irishman, the angel said, "Your vice is drinking too much. You can come back to life as long as you stop drin...

This is serious but it's just a joke

A man is about to jump off a building when a guy next to him says, "wait what are you doing?"

"I'm going to kill myself."

He replies with, "oh yeah, I've been there."

And the guy about to kill himself was shocked. He's never heard anybody say anything like this in his entire lif...

An old couple went on holiday to Jerusalem..

...But on the trip the wife died. A local priest then told the husband that he had two options. He could get her buried in Jerusalem for $30, or he could fly her back to their own country and get her buried there for $200. The husband quickly said that he wanted her buried at home. The priest didn't...

Mr. Smith is on vacation with his wife and mother-in-law in Jerusalem

One day, his mother-in-law dies quite suddenly. An undertaker proposes to bury the deceased there in Jerusalem.

'No, thank you,' says Mr. Smith. 'I'd rather have the body shipped back to New York.'

'But why not?' asks the undertaker. 'Shipping a body is expensive, and I could organise ...

I lost a loved one recently and while I was sad at first, I'm okay with it now...

The wiki says they get brought back next season.

Step 1: Die

Step 2: Be resurrected

Step 3: ????

Step 4: Prophet

Trump's last two chances to save his election campaign at the second debate:

1. Be endorsed by Dave.

2. Bring out a resurrected Harambe on stage.

George went on a vacation to the Middle East...

George went on a vacation to the Middle East with most of his family, including his mother-in-law. During their vacation, and while they were visiting Jerusalem, George's mother-in-law died. With the death certificate in hand, George went to the American Consulate Office to make arrangements to se...

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