Why don't pacifists like the symphony?

Because of all the violins

In addition to being a pacifist, Gandhi was a baker.

Because of this, he made a lot of Naan-violence.

What did the pacifist say to the aggressive musician?

Violins is not the answer.

I really adore the inherent pacifistic attitude of the vegans.

They don't want to have any beef with people.

That isn't to say that they are cow-ards

What do you call a traveling pacifist?

A No-Mad.

One time I was telling jokes to my pacifist friend, but he didn't like any of them.

I guess he didn't like punchlines

People never seem to remember Jet Li's weaker, pacifist brother...

Gent Li.

What did the pacifist say to the two arguing routers?

Wi Fi-ght?

A soldier, a pacifist and a band are on an airplane

Suddenly the plane starts falling from the sky.

The pilot shouts: "There's too much weight! Somebody has to jump!"

The soldier stands up and walks to the door: "It would be an honour to protect all of you."

He jumps.

The airplane keeps falling. Soon the pilot shouts again...

What did the pacifist cannibal do to earn his bad reputation?

Nothing. He's just full of himself.

Did you know Francis was not the first choice to become the new Pope?

Actually it was a lesser know man, Cardinal Herzenbacher.
He'd been a man of God from an early age, a pacifist all his life. When WWII broke out, he was conscripted and forced to fight, and so became a bomber pilot.
A few months into the war he was shot down but survived, miraculously only l...

One day, the monks at a monastery decided they need to raise money.

Friar Tuck decided to start a florist's shop. It was a success! All the villagers nearby loved to buy flowers from the men of God. All except one, that is. The local florist. He was getting run out of business by the monks. He went to the Friar and asked him to close their shop, but they refused....

Naval History Lesson

Long ago, when ships sailed the oceans, a captain would fill a box with maps and navigation charts, and other tools necessary for warfare on the high seas. In preparation for battle, he would call to his first mate to bring him his "War Chest".

Once, a merchant ship was captured by surprise ...

The Toaster leads the Kitchen Appliances on Strike. [LONG]

I looked around the kitchen in exasperation.

"We have will be heard! We have a voice! We have rights!"

"Umm, no you don't." I said to the speaker, "you're literally a wok."

"Well that may be, but we will not be abused any longer!"

A chorus of "Yeah," "You tell 'im!" and "...

There are many contradictory statements like...

Pacifist mass murder, Clinton keeping emails, and Apple is innovative.

If the main character of "The Walking Dead " spared every human, would he be called...

... Pacifist Rick ?

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