UPJOKE
oohwowexclaimshoutcryoutcryastonishmentstunneramazementunexpectednessastonishsurprisesurprisinglyamazeastound

Aah Jokes

Two monkeys were getting into the bath. One said: ‘Oo, oo, oo, aah aah aah.’

The other replied: ‘Well, put some cold in it then.'

What’s the difference between Ooh and Aah?

About 3 inches

An 85 year old couple is going on holiday, when they suddenly die in a plane crash...

They had been married for 60 years, and kept in good health due to their healthy diet and regular exercise.

When they reached heaven, St. Peter took them to their mansion, decked out with a fully stocked kitchen, master bath suite, and their very own jacuzzi. As his wife 'oohed' and 'aahed' a...

Muffins are in the oven, one says "Is it getting hot in here?" A second screams, "Aah! A talking muffin!"

A third pipes up, "Duuuude, we're so baked."

As a young sailor we were sitting around talking about what our parents do for a living one guy exclaimed, “My Dad works for the post office but my Moms a Hydroceramic Engineer”, we all oohed and aahed…

“She’s a dishwasher”

An engineer is giving a lecture at the local college...

The lecture hall is completely full with a line out the door of people trying to get in. From the outside of the building the audience could be heard erupting with laughter, applause, oohs and aahs, and gasps of surprise.

A man walking by sees the line out the door and hears the commotion co...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Hitler's Game

During the Second World War hitler and his troops storm into a village and gather the people in the village to the square. Hitler wanted to shoot the people there but decided it was too boring. He came up with a game where the wifes would need to identify her man only by touching his dick. If she fa...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Australian, Englishman and Irishman man are sitting in a Pub

Australian, Englishman and Irishman man are sitting in a Pub with cold beers and all are relaxed.

Aussie says "Great, but back home there is a bar where the barman buys you your 5th beer once you've bought your fourth"

Well, says the Englishman, "back in Manchester my local has a buy 2...

What does a sheep need to do to become a lawyer?

Pass the baa-aa-aah!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Testicle torture enthusiasts after a long day:

“Aah time to hit the sack.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Guy walks into a bar and sees Hitler

So a guy walks into a bar, and sitting at the bar across from the bartender is Hitler himself. The guy walks up to him and says "Hitler, you're alive? I thought you died a long time ago?"

"Aah, that's just a conspiracy. I've been in hiding, and now I have a new plan. I'm going to kill 6 milli...

A wheelie bin collector turns up to a new collection address only to find no bin out the front, so he walks up the driveway and knocks on the door...

An unkempt man with a cagey expression opens the door.

"Hey mate. Where's your bin?" the collector asks.

Nervously the man stammers, "Aah... I... I's bin in hospital"

"Nah mate" corrects the collector, "Where's your bin? Where's your wheelie bin?"

Looking defeated, the m...

What did the Monkey say when his bath was too hot?

Ooh-Ooh-Aah- Aah

Montana has the best lovers

My favorite jokes about the insane amount of sheep loving that occurs in Montana from when I grew up:

1. What is the hottest selling clothing accessory in Montana? Velcro gloves. *wpsh* *wpsh* *BAaaAah*


2. Why do the mountain men always make love to the sheep on the edge of a clif...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A world-renowned engineer steps up onto the stage to present his newest invention…

“Thank you everyone for coming. Today I am unveiling the product that has took our team months to perfect, and it is finally ready for people like you to purchase.”

The crows oohs and aahs in anticipation.

“It is my honor to present to you, the InfiniBoots!”

An assistant steps i...

Got in our old Mark 1 Golf today...

... My dad grabs shifts into reverse and says...."Aah, this takes me back"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A zookeeper was having bother with one of his gorrilas....

A zookeeper was having bother with one of his gorrilas as it was in heat and needed to have sex to calm down. There is no male gorrilas currently fit to do the job.

The zookeeper calls up his friend him on the phone and says "Here Jim I've got a real problem one of my gorrilas is in heat woul...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A soon-to-be-wed couple are snuggling in bed after sex one night...

...The man suggests that they come clean about any straying that they may have done since they got together.

"It`s best to get this stuff out in the open before the wedding," he explains.

The woman replies, "Oh darling. Don`t you remember? We went through all this a month ago."
...

Tissues

There was once a really wealthy lady in Persia. People believed she knew black magic. Curious, the Shah sent over one of his advisors:

Advisor: So how is it that you amassed all this wealth?

Lady: When I was 13 my Uncle gave me a funny looking lamp..

Advisor: ..a magical one?...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Ole was at work one day...

Lena called Ole's best friend Sven and asked him to come over right away. Sven came running as fast as he could, thinking there was an emergency. As soon as he knocked on the door, Lena opened it, dragged him through the house and into the bedroom, and fucked the shit out of him as hard as she could...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

FrankenTarzan

One day, Mighty Tarzan was swinging through the jungle, and crashed into a tree, fell, and hit every branch on the way down. He was just able to crawl to the local witch doctor's hut, and blacked out at the door.

When he awoke, the witch doctor said, "Aah, you're awake!" "What happen doctor?...

Rich man shenanigans

There was once an extremely wealthy man who was known for his eccentric habits. One fine evening, he sent out an invite to all the young, able-bodied men of his city for a very "special" dinner, promising a grand prize for one lucky soul.

Knowing the rich man's generous nature, a hundred you...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.