What’s the difference between Ooh and Aah?

About 3 inches

Two monkeys are having a bath. One says “ooh ooh ooh aah aah aah”

The other responds “put some cold water in then!”

Montana has the best lovers

My favorite jokes about the insane amount of sheep loving that occurs in Montana from when I grew up:

1. What is the hottest selling clothing accessory in Montana? Velcro gloves. *wpsh* *wpsh* *BAaaAah*


2. Why do the mountain men always make love to the sheep on the edge of a clif...

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Hitler's Game

During the Second World War hitler and his troops storm into a village and gather the people in the village to the square. Hitler wanted to shoot the people there but decided it was too boring. He came up with a game where the wifes would need to identify her man only by touching his dick. If she fa...

An 85 year old couple is going on holiday, when they suddenly die in a plane crash...

They had been married for 60 years, and kept in good health due to their healthy diet and regular exercise.

When they reached heaven, St. Peter took them to their mansion, decked out with a fully stocked kitchen, master bath suite, and their very own jacuzzi. As his wife 'oohed' and 'aahed' a...

An engineer is giving a lecture at the local college...

The lecture hall is completely full with a line out the door of people trying to get in. From the outside of the building the audience could be heard erupting with laughter, applause, oohs and aahs, and gasps of surprise.

A man walking by sees the line out the door and hears the commotion co...

A man puts a tray of muffins in the oven.

One muffin turns to the other and says, “Whoa, it’s really hot in here.”

The other muffin jumps and yells, “Aah! A talking muffin!”

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Guy walks into a bar and sees Hitler

So a guy walks into a bar, and sitting at the bar across from the bartender is Hitler himself. The guy walks up to him and says "Hitler, you're alive? I thought you died a long time ago?"

"Aah, that's just a conspiracy. I've been in hiding, and now I have a new plan. I'm going to kill 6 milli...

What does a sheep need to do to become a lawyer?

Pass the baa-aa-aah!

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Testicle torture enthusiasts after a long day:

“Aah time to hit the sack.”

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A zookeeper was having bother with one of his gorrilas....

A zookeeper was having bother with one of his gorrilas as it was in heat and needed to have sex to calm down. There is no male gorrilas currently fit to do the job.

The zookeeper calls up his friend him on the phone and says "Here Jim I've got a real problem one of my gorrilas is in heat woul...

Rich man shenanigans

There was once an extremely wealthy man who was known for his eccentric habits. One fine evening, he sent out an invite to all the young, able-bodied men of his city for a very "special" dinner, promising a grand prize for one lucky soul.

Knowing the rich man's generous nature, a hundred you...

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Australian, Englishman and Irishman man are sitting in a Pub

Australian, Englishman and Irishman man are sitting in a Pub with cold beers and all are relaxed.

Aussie says "Great, but back home there is a bar where the barman buys you your 5th beer once you've bought your fourth"

Well, says the Englishman, "back in Manchester my local has a buy 2...

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Ole was at work one day...

Lena called Ole's best friend Sven and asked him to come over right away. Sven came running as fast as he could, thinking there was an emergency. As soon as he knocked on the door, Lena opened it, dragged him through the house and into the bedroom, and fucked the shit out of him as hard as she could...

Tissues

There was once a really wealthy lady in Persia. People believed she knew black magic. Curious, the Shah sent over one of his advisors:

Advisor: So how is it that you amassed all this wealth?

Lady: When I was 13 my Uncle gave me a funny looking lamp..

Advisor: ..a magical one?...

Got in our old Mark 1 Golf today...

... My dad grabs shifts into reverse and says...."Aah, this takes me back"

What did the Monkey say when his bath was too hot?

Ooh-Ooh-Aah- Aah

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A soon-to-be-wed couple are snuggling in bed after sex one night...

...The man suggests that they come clean about any straying that they may have done since they got together.

"It`s best to get this stuff out in the open before the wedding," he explains.

The woman replies, "Oh darling. Don`t you remember? We went through all this a month ago."
...

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FrankenTarzan

One day, Mighty Tarzan was swinging through the jungle, and crashed into a tree, fell, and hit every branch on the way down. He was just able to crawl to the local witch doctor's hut, and blacked out at the door.

When he awoke, the witch doctor said, "Aah, you're awake!" "What happen doctor?...

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