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Nyet Jokes

What do Russians call it when there is no internet?

Inter-nyet

At church in Russia they have Communionism.

Jesus broke bread and said "This is my body..." The Russian apostle cuts him off and says "Nyet, it is 'our' body".

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Need anything special to catch a Russian butterfly?

Nyet

What do you call it when a russians wifi fails?

Internyet

Putin gets a haircut

Putin goes to the Kremlin barbershop to get a haircut. While cutting his hair, the barber keeps on and on asking and talking about the 'special operation' in Ukraine.

Putin snaps:

- You seem to be overly interested about Ukraine... Don't you understand what happens to people who are to...

Russian Connection

If the internet disconnects in Russia, do they call it the internyet?

Putin, Xi, Trump, Bolsonaro, Kim and Duterte are relaxing in bed after group coitus, when Trump sits bolt upright and says…

“Hey, hey guys? I have the best ties, the best, long, beautiful, red, nobody has ties like me, but I can’t seem to find my tie, my favourite - and not just my favourite, but many people tell me it is their favourite too, many people, in fact, someone called me up a few days ago crying, actually cry...

Soviet joke: a family is watching the evening news when the announcer says taxes on vodka will be going up.

“This means there will be some major changes for our family, comrades,” says the man.

“You mean you will be drinking less?” asks his son.

“Nyet,” says the father. “You will all be eating less.”

What's the most popular Russian streaming service?

Nyetflix

Russia is considering banning the internet for most people, replacing it with a limited Russian propaganda version...

It will be called the InterNYET.

What do russians use for fishing?

A fishing nyet

What do call a Russian not working jumbo jet?

Jumbo nyet

(Sorry)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did the basketball player get when he went to Russia looking for free prostitutes?

Nothing but nyet.

Do you know what catches a Russian acrobat when they fall?

"Nyet."

What do Russians use to censor websites?

The Inter-nyet.

An American is calling his Russian friend in the middle of winter.

"Dude I don't get it how you can stand such cold."

"It's not that bad. And we're used to it."

"Still. I saw on TV it's like -70° where you live? Crazy!"

"What? Nyet. It's maybe -30°. Not bad at all."

"Even that would be way too cold for me!"

"Haha you get used to i...

A russian has no Wi-Fi nearby. We could say that...

He doesn't have InterNYET.

Officials suspect someone on a flight is a Russian spy

But all the passengers appear to be American tourists returning from abroad. One by one they are taken in for questioning.

"But I swear I'm an American citizen!" the last passenger protests.

"It's a simple test," the official tells him. "Just read what's written on this card."

...

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