Doctor joke number 2

Patient) Doctor i was feeling awful and i had decided to commit suicide by taking 1000 aspirins.

Doctor) Really and what happened?

Patient) After the first 3 i felt a lot better.

We should give credit to the number 2.

It became a prime number against all odds.

Iโ€™m binging a TV show for free on Amazon, but it wonโ€™t let me watch certain episodes. Specifically episode number 2, 3, 5, 7, 11, 13, 17, 19, 23, 29, 31, 37, 41, 43, 47, 53, 59, 61, 67, 71, 73, 79, 83, 89, and 97.

Those are only available on Amazon Prime.

What is the number 2 cereal on Asgard?

Loki Charms

what do you get when you put a number 1 into a calculator and then add a number 2?

a mess

I went to the barbers and asked for a number 2 all over.

I've washed my hair 6 times since and still can't get the smell out.

...number 1 & number 2

...the two main reasons not to drink toilet water!

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

I was going number 2 when i realised there was no more toilet paper

It scared the shit out of me. I guess I don't need to wipe anymore.

A number 2 is walking down the street...

When another number 2 sneaks up from behind and jumps on his friends back to surprise him.

The first number 2 shrieks out-

"Aahhhhh!! You squared me!!"



Sorry...

Why does Euler's Number say it's "going number 2" when it pees?

Because its natural log is 1.


I'll show myself out now.

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

What does Sean Connery say when he has to go number 2?

"I've got a shituation"

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

My translation of a foreign joke:

A man takes a pleasant stroll on a Friday evening... suddenly, the Devil himself pops up in front of him and whispers, "Take all the money in your wallet, go to this casino, and put it on the number 27!"

The man is first shocked, then becomes curious, and quickly yields, goes to the casino, p...

A backpacker finds a tiny village tucked away in the mountains with one tiny pub

He walks into the pub and there are all these old men just sitting around in silence. So the backpacker orders a beer and finds himself a seat.

Suddenly one of the men shouts, "Number 4!" and the whole room erupts with laughter.

The backpacker is surprised by this but then the laughter...

Genie joke

A man finds a magic lamp and rubs it, only to have a genie appear.

The genie says: "I will grant you three wishes, but there are also 3 rules. Rule number 1: no wishing for death. Rule number 2: no wishing for love. Rule number 3: no wishing to revive the dead".

The man thinks for a se...

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

A man dies and goes to hell

When he get there he's welcomed by Satan he tells him I have three doors for you and behind each one there's a kind of hell that you're going to spend all of eternity. Behind door number 1 is a bunch of people as far as the eye can see standings on their heads on concrete floor. Behind number 2 ther...

Trump answers 'what is 2 + 2' ?

Donald Trump answers the question: What is 2+2?

"I have to say a lot of people have been asking this question. No, really. A lot of people come up to me and they ask me. They say, "What's 2+2"? And I tell them look, we know what 2+2 is. We've had almost eight years of the worst kind of math y...

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

Son: Daddy, do trees poop?

Father: Of course, That's how we get number 2 pencils.

A chemistry professor posted a bonus question to an exam:

Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know ...

A man is sent to prison for a long stretch...

He has been in prison before and his cell mate doesn't seem to want any trouble. He settles in. His first night after lights out, he is laying in his bed and hears someone call out, "Number 24!" This is met with a round of laughter. A little while later, someone yells, "Number 45!" Another round of ...

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