Newfoundlander Jokes - 10 Hilarious Newfoundlander Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Newfie joke (newfoundlander) east coast of Canada

A newfie named Clyde died in a fire and was burnt so badly that the morgue needed someone to identify the body. His two best friends, Clem and Zeke, came to do the job. Clem went in first and the mortician pulled back the sheet. Clem said "Yup, he's burnt pretty bad. Roll him over." So the mortician...

A Newfoundlander was walking home late at night and spots a woman in the shadows.

"Twenty dollars" she whispers.

Perry had never been with a hooker before, but decides what the hell, it's only twenty bucks. So they hide in the bushes.

They're going at it for a minute when all of a sudden a light flashes on them. It is a police officer.

"What...

A Newfoundlander is painting the dividing line on a road

The first day, he paints 7km of lines along the road

The second day he paints 4km of lines along the road

And the third day he paints only 1km of lines along the road

So the manager of the site calls the Newfoundlander into his office and sites him down.

"What's going o...

Two Newfoundlanders Travel to Toronto

Two Newfoundlanders, Jimmy and Dave, are out of work, so they decide to move to Toronto to find jobs. They scrounge up every last cent they have for the trip and find they have $1000 between them to get started.

As soon as they get to Toronto, they see a sign in a shop window that says "Suits...

A large group of Taliban soldiers in Afghanistan are moving down a road when

they hear a Voice call from behind a sand dune: "One Newfoundlander soldier is better than ten Taliban".
The Taliban commander quickly orders 10 of his best men over the dune where a gun-battle breaks out and continues for a few minutes, then silence.
The voice once again calls out: "One Newfo...

Pet Lobsters

An old joke (not mine) & one of my favorites:

In a small fishing village, a Newfoundlander was walking up the wharf carrying two live lobsters, at least three pounds, one in each hand.

It was three weeks after the season closed. Whom should he meet at the end of the wharf b...

Newfie Execution

A Torontonian, an American and a Newfoundlander are involved in a grisly crime and are all sentenced to death. The executioner told them that they would each get to choose the method by which they would die.

Their choices were: lethal injection, electric chair or by hanging.

The Americ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Sent on a golf tour in Newfoundland, Tiger Woods drives his new Ford Fusion into a petrol station in a remote part of the countryside.

The pump attendant, obviously knows nothing about golf, greets him in a typical Newfoundlander manner completely unaware of who the golfing pro is.

"How's ya gettin' on today, sir" says the attendant.

Tiger nods a quick "hello" and bends forward to pick up the nozzle. As he does so, tw...

My 91 year old Canadian Grandmother just told me this joke.

Two Newfoundlanders were driving to Toronto.
They passed a sign that said: Toronto LEFT.
Distraught, they turned around and drove back home.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My favorite joke, courtesy of my buddys dad.

(A Newfy is a Newfoundlander, A north eastern Canadian it's interchangeable, just how I heard the joke) A Newfy calls up his lawyer looking for a divorce. The lawyer curious of the circumstances says "Great! do you have a suit?" The Newfy replies "Yup, wears it to church every Sunday." The lawyer th...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.