Misunderstood...

3 people (one is stuttering) decided to go on a fishing trip in a yacht.

They were in the sea for over 3 hours and were having a good time, when suddenly a ship was arriving at high speed with intetion of stoping.

The stutterer noticed it was trying to warn the others but was stuck...

What did the submission boyfriend say when his girlfriend misunderstood his opinion?

"I think you've got me pegged the wrong way."

Completely misunderstood pride month.

Does anyone want to buy 15 lions?

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I think Matt Hancock misunderstood the meaning...

Of "Eat Out to Help Out".

I’m banned for life from acting in our production of Romeo and Juliet, just because I misunderstood the stage directions.

It said, [Enter Juliet from the rear]

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A farmer goes to town with his dog

to buy some supplies. While there, he ties his dog to a tree and goes into a bar for a drink.

The town cop eventually showed up and asked if that was his dog tied up outside. “Yes, why?” Asked the farmer.
The policeman says “I think it wants to get bred”. To which the farmer replied, “N...

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Got kicked out of the local Japanese restaurant last night.

Turns out I misunderstood when my waitress said, “Miso, hot, for you sir”.

There once was a man named Ulf, and he was the meanest Viking in all the land.

Time after time he proved his temperament, and so obnoxious was he that the world knew him as Rude Ulf.

Despite his prowess, the village soon found him unbearable, and even his mother had not a kind thing to say.

Amidst pleas and cries for Rude Ulf’s exile, the chief gave him an ultima...

I think Louis CK has been misunderstood.

He was testing out new material. He just wanted to see whether women would laugh at his junk!

People are so misunderstood about spider webs..

They think it’s like silk, but it snot

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My girlfriend is incredibly sad since her cat has been disappeared.

I am quite sure now that I misunderstood something when she asked me to eat her pussy - and I am beginning to think that I did not get the "fuck her doggy" part either.

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An irate woman calls her husband's doctor ...

"This is Mrs. Jones, my husband just got back from an appointment with you and he says that after examining him you told him that he can masturbate whenever he wants ! That's the most ridiculous diagnosis I've ever heard -- what kind of an office are you running there ?!?"

The doctor explain...

Misunderstood JT

In the early 2000s Justin Timberlake did a tour in Eastern Europe and had a stop in southern Ukraine.

After playing a show in Sevastopol he had some down time so he travelled the countryside, and was amazed by the stunning beauty of the peninsula's nature and wildlife. He backpacked through ...

I called in an order of wonton soup, but I guess they misunderstood me.

On an unrelated note, I'm opening a soup kitchen.

Misunderstood

An old joke ..hope you guys enjoy it..

A really hot, young lady was sitting on a park bench and sucking on a popsicle cooling off the summer heat. A young man sitting next to her is staring in amazement at the young woman sucking on the popsicle. Getting annoyed at the young man's gaze, the ...

What do you call someone who is misunderstood that ends up getting married?

Mrs. Understood

I'm so mad about everyone being against Trump. He's so misunderstood...He's just a human being who wants to be loved....

by his Daughter.

A girl tells her mom she’s dating the guy next door

The mom’s like “you can’t date him he could be your dad”

And the daughter is like “so there’s an age difference who cares”

“I think you misunderstood me”

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There is a factory that makes the Tickle Me Elmo toys.

The toy laughs when you tickle it under the arms.   Well, Lena is hired at The Tickle Me Elmo factory and she reports for her first day promptly at 8:00 am.   The next day at 8:45 is there is a knock at the Personnel Manager’s door. The Foreman throws open the door and begins to rant about the new E...

Dr. Frankenstein entered a bodybuilding contest

He seriously misunderstood the objective.

One day while returning from school a 8 year old child ...

One day while returning from school a 8 year old child met a Saint and had a conversation with him.

The Saint became so happy with the child that he gave him a magic sentence which will fulfill all his wishes.

"I know everything"

However, he warned him to not use the Sentence m...

Apparently Aaron Hernandez misunderstood his attorney when his lawyer told him to...

hang in there

My robust wife is mad at me because I misunderstood her when she demanded flowers the next time we made love....

...and so that night, with a bag of flour in my hands all I said was: "I thought you wanted this to roll in so I could find the wet spot"

It's true I misunderstood what you meant by "take me to the bone zone"

but you must admit this is a very nice graveyard.

It's 2021, and President Joe Biden is told he needs to assemble a cabinet

Coming back from IKEA, he realizes he's greatly misunderstood the task

I think Aaron Hernandez misunderstood the verdict...

He must have thought it ended in a hung jury.

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I ran into the gas station with my mask on saying, "This is a Stick Up!"

The clerk laughed.

The man paying for a coffee laughed.

The lady grabbing a candy bar laughed.

They thought I was joking, so I quickly made a small purchase.

When the cashier had the drawer open, I said hand me the large bills and a carton behind the counter.

The c...

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The lass misunderstood

Barbara Cecelia was having some women's problems, so she asked a friend at the factory for the name of a good obgyn, and the friend gave her the name of a doctor reputed to be the best in Dublin.

So Barbara Cecilia goes to the doctor, and when she returns home, her husband asked her what th...

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A preacher's wife is preparing for dinner and makes her way to the butcher...

"I'd like your best ham, please," she says to the butcher.

"You'll have The Damn Ham," he replies.

Taken aback, she asks, "Sir, could you please not use that sort of language around me? My husband is a preacher, and I am a devout Christian."

"No, ma'am, I think you misunderstoo...

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My Aunt Jill was an English teacher who taught me so many important lessons like....

“Always use very precise language or you could be misunderstood.”

I remember it vividly because we were at their farm and I was helping my uncle Jack off a horse as she was telling me that.

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A crusty old man walks into the local Lutheran Church and says to the secretary, "I would like to join this damn church."

The astonished woman replies, "I beg your pardon, sir. I must have misunderstood you. What did you say?"

"Listen up, damn it. I said I want to join this damn church!"

"I'm very sorry sir, but that kind of language is not tolerated in this church." And with that said, the secretary lea...

My wife bought me some iron ore for Christmas.

She seems to have misunderstood when I asked for a slag.

A dad and his son walk into a bar.

"Sorry, we don't serve minors." Said the bartender, who was often misunderstood.

The son said "But I turned 21 a year ago!".

The bartender clarified, "I know. I'm talking about your father."

The Father, having heard this, throws his pickaxe and headlamp to the ground in anger.

My girlfriend of two years dumped me on her birthday. I dont know why she was so mad, I got her EXACTLY what she asked for; 10 cents and a bell...

...upon further reflection, I may have misunderstood "a dime and ring", my bad.

The toilet paper issue reminds me of a joke

When the white man first arrived to North America and set up camp, they weren't sure what to expect for their first winter. So, one man decided to chop a bunch of wood so it would be handy.

After befriending some nearby natives, he asked how cold the winters got. The native said, "Its going t...

Everyone knew that the man who designed the titanic had a lisp

They just misunderstood his answer when they asked him about the possibility of an accident at sea.

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A guy walks into a clock shop

He then pulls his dick out and puts it on the counter.

The lady says, “Sir, I think you’ve misunderstood...this is a Clock shop.”

He says, “Yeah I know, I want you to put two hands and a face on it!”

PRIEST: you may now read the vows you have prepared

ME: I think I misunderstood the assignment

"just read what you have"

ME: ok [deep breath]... A E I O U

As Covid19 winds down, another virus is spreading like wildfire

Covid19 may be winding down, but a brand new virus, the ID10t virus, is spreading like wildfire.
Symptoms of the ID10t virus include mental and comprehension issues. Symptoms include schitzophasia, a condition where words are misunderstood. A victim may hear or read a words like "baking soda" a...

A young woman gets her first job at the Tickle-me Elmo factory.

The boss takes her up to the office that overlooks the assembly line and tells her what her job is. Then he sends her down. About an hour later the line leader comes up to the office and says, “Boss you gotta get this new girl off my line. She’s killing production.”
The boss looks down out of his...

Have you guys heard about cheat days?

Well, I kinda misunderstood that, and now my girlfriend has dumped me.

You know that saying about being the change you want to see in the world?

I feel like 50 Cent misunderstood it.

Why was Dr.frankinstine banned from the convention center?

He vastly misunderstood what a body building competition was.

Epstein's death being a suicide was just one big misunderstanding...

The medical examiner who ruled the death as a suicide misunderstood what his colleague meant by "Man... Epstein sure was hung!"

My girlfriend's dog came running up to us for a cuddle.

"I love you Freddy," she said, stroking his fur.

"I love him more than you," I replied.

She said, "I don't think so, I definitely love him most."

I said, "You misunderstood me."

My wife's fantasy is to be with another man. Mine is to have two girls at the same time.

She must have misunderstood because now we have twin daughters from the mailman

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I was banned from a largest cock competition

Apparently I misunderstood the objective

The girls next door gave me a Rolex for my birthday.

But I think they misunderstood when I said I wanna watch.

A man walks into a bar......

An Irishman man walks into a bar in New York City. He orders three whiskeys. The bartender pours him one and says, "Lemme know when you want the next one." But the man says, "I think you've misunderstood me. I'd like all three at once." The bartender pours two more drinks. The man drinks down the th...

I've protected my laptop by placing several alcoholic fruity beverages on top of it.

I guess I misunderstood when people told me to focus on cider security.

You see that episode of Spongebob where Sandy got pregnant?

He misunderstood when she said she had a sponge in her.

A man walks into a bar...

And asks the bartender "Get me a drink. I'll take anything but Bud Lite."


Bartender asks "What do you have against Bud Lite?"


"Well last time I drank that stuff I killed 21 bottles, went home and blew chunks." He answered


"You must be stupid! Drinking 21 of anything ...

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A different 3 men/lunch joke

At an art exhibition two women were staring at a painting entitled, "Home for Lunch".

The painting was of three very naked, and very black men, sitting on a park bench. What was unusual was that the men on both ends of the bench had black penises, but the man in the middle had a very pink pen...

An embarassing supermarket checkout . . .

When Jane reached the checkout counter, she learned that one of her items had a scratched bar code, making it unreadable to the scanner.

Imagine her embarrassment when the cashier got on the intercom and boomed out for all the store to hear, “Price check on Tampax, supersize please.”

A...

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A lady moves to a new town

She needs a job and the only place to work within 50 miles is a tickle me Elmo factory.
So she drives there the very next day. She is immediately sent to the head honchos office, and he says to her "this is your lucky day, we just lost somone in the factory and you would be perfect for the j...

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