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Misunderstood Jokes

I completely misunderstood Pride Month..

Does anyone want to buy 14 lions?

I ordered wonton soup at a local Chinese restaurant, but they misunderstood my order.

In unrelated news, I'm opening a soup kitchen.

They just discovered the cause of the implosion

OceanGate was purchasing materials for the vessel and misunderstood the term "substandard".

Misunderstood...

3 people (one is stuttering) decided to go on a fishing trip in a yacht.

They were in the sea for over 3 hours and were having a good time, when suddenly a ship was arriving at high speed with intetion of stoping.

The stutterer noticed it was trying to warn the others but was stuck...

Apparently I have catastrophically misunderstood what "apocalypse" means all this time. Oh well.

It's not the end of the world.

Misunderstood JT

In the early 2000s Justin Timberlake did a tour in Eastern Europe and had a stop in southern Ukraine.

After playing a show in Sevastopol he had some down time so he travelled the countryside, and was amazed by the stunning beauty of the peninsula's nature and wildlife. He backpacked through ...

A girl tells her mom she’s dating the guy next door

The mom’s like “you can’t date him he could be your dad”

And the daughter is like “so there’s an age difference who cares”

“I think you misunderstood me”

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A man walks into the local cathedral and says to the rector, “I would like to join this fucking church.”

The rector is astonished. “I beg your pardon, sir . . . I must have misunderstood you. What did you say?”
“Are you deaf? I said I want to join this fucking church!”

“I’m sorry, sir, but that kind of language is not tolerated in this building.”
“Okay, twat face, I want to speak to someon...

Misunderstood

An old joke ..hope you guys enjoy it..

A really hot, young lady was sitting on a park bench and sucking on a popsicle cooling off the summer heat. A young man sitting next to her is staring in amazement at the young woman sucking on the popsicle. Getting annoyed at the young man's gaze, the ...

I’m banned for life from acting in our production of Romeo and Juliet, just because I misunderstood the stage directions.

It said, [Enter Juliet from the rear]

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I think Matt Hancock misunderstood the meaning...

Of "Eat Out to Help Out".

People are so misunderstood about spider webs..

They think it’s like silk, but it snot

Snakes are misunderstood

Constrictor snakes just want hugs and get carried away and then eat the evidence to stay out of snake prison because they AIN'T GOING BACK.

I think Louis CK has been misunderstood.

He was testing out new material. He just wanted to see whether women would laugh at his junk!

A daughter and mother are talking.

"You're dating John, the neighbor?!", asks the mother. "He is 30 years older than you, it's-"

"But I love him!", she interrupts.

"What do you mean you love him, he could be your father!"

"I don't care about his age, he loves me too!"

"I think you misunderstood me."

I was dating a girl from Romania, but she only wanted to vacation in Italy all the time

After our 17th trip in 3 years, I found I had misunderstood her on our first date, when she'd confessed to having Rome-mania

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It's a hot day at the end of summer, and ...

A man walks into a local ice cream parlor and looks at the menu and orders a single scoop of chocolate ice cream.


Employee: "Sorry, we're all out of chocolate ice cream today."


Customer: " Awhhh... well, okay." "Umm... lemme get a double scoop of chocolate ice cream." ...

What do you call someone who is misunderstood that ends up getting married?

Mrs. Understood

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The lass misunderstood

Barbara Cecelia was having some women's problems, so she asked a friend at the factory for the name of a good obgyn, and the friend gave her the name of a doctor reputed to be the best in Dublin.

So Barbara Cecilia goes to the doctor, and when she returns home, her husband asked her what th...

I think Aaron Hernandez misunderstood the verdict...

He must have thought it ended in a hung jury.

Oscar Pistorius misunderstood his girlfriend...

when she said: "for Valentines day, can you take me out?"

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Tickle Me Elmo

There is a factory in Northern Minnesota which makes the Tickle Me Elmo toys. The toy laughs when you tickle it under the arms. Well, Lena is hired at The Tickle Me Elmo factory and she reports for her first day promptly at 8:00 am.
The next day at 8:45 am there is a knock at the Personnel Manage...

Apparently Aaron Hernandez misunderstood his attorney when his lawyer told him to...

hang in there

I made a mistake at a philosophy conference. They asked me for a lecture on Daoism, but I misunderstood. I talked about filial piety and deference to superiors instead.

I apologized for the Confucian.

The girl I brought home last weekend didn't seem impressed by my collection of beer commercials

Apparently, she'd misunderstood when I told her I had six-pack ads

My wife's fantasy is to be with another man. Mine is to have two girls at the same time.

She must have misunderstood because now we have twin daughters from the mailman

Dr. Frankenstein enters in a bodybuilding competition

Dr. Frankenstein enters in a bodybuilding competition and finds out he has seriously misunderstood the objective

My robust wife is mad at me because I misunderstood her when she demanded flowers the next time we made love....

...and so that night, with a bag of flour in my hands all I said was: "I thought you wanted this to roll in so I could find the wet spot"

It's 2021, and President Joe Biden is told he needs to assemble a cabinet

Coming back from IKEA, he realizes he's greatly misunderstood the task

A man walks down the street in Soviet Russia and says to himself: “life here is so miserable”.

Two KGB agents come running yelling: “you are under arrest, we heard you”.
The man: "no no, you misunderstood me.. I said that life in America is miserable."
KGB Agents: "shut up, we know where life is miserable."

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My girlfriend is incredibly sad since her cat has been disappeared.

I am quite sure now that I misunderstood something when she asked me to eat her pussy - and I am beginning to think that I did not get the "fuck her doggy" part either.

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My girlfriend and I only ever have sex in the doggy style position

She said I misunderstood her when she told me she "likes it ruff"

My dyslexic girlfriend told me I had a big spine.

While I misunderstood at first, she took it well.

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The British, American and Russian intelligence services have a spy-off

The rules are simple: a rabbit is released into a forest, and whoever finds and brings it back the fastest, wins.

The Brit goes first. He first phones some arborial informants, then dons a disguise: sporting a pair of bunny ears, a fluffy tail sticking out of his ass, skimpy black dress, full...

My girlfriend of two years dumped me on her birthday. I dont know why she was so mad, I got her EXACTLY what she asked for; 10 cents and a bell. ..

...upon further‍ reflection, I may own misunderstood "a dime and ring", my bad.

A really obese woman turned up to a game show.

The judge looked her up and down and said to her.

I think you misunderstood the name of the game show..

It's called "Fact Hunt."

My homie invited me to watch a drag race.

I showed up to the track wearing a blonde wig and running shoes and realized I grossly misunderstood what he meant.

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An irate woman calls her husband's doctor ...

"This is Mrs. Jones, my husband just got back from an appointment with you and he says that after examining him you told him that he can masturbate whenever he wants ! That's the most ridiculous diagnosis I've ever heard -- what kind of an office are you running there ?!?"

The doctor explain...

My girlfriend's dog sprinted up to us wanting a cuddle.

"I love you, Henry," she said, stroking his fur.

"I love him more than you," I replied.

"I don't think so," she replied, "I definitely love him most."

I said, "You misunderstood me."

A man walks into a bar......

An Irishman man walks into a bar in New York City. He orders three whiskeys. The bartender pours him one and says, "Lemme know when you want the next one." But the man says, "I think you've misunderstood me. I'd like all three at once." The bartender pours two more drinks. The man drinks down the th...

Have you guys heard about cheat days?

Well, I kinda misunderstood that, and now my girlfriend has dumped me.

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My Aunt Jill was an English teacher who taught me so many important lessons like....

“Always use very precise language or you could be misunderstood.”

I remember it vividly because we were at their farm and I was helping my uncle Jack off a horse as she was telling me that.

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A drunk was sitting at a bus stop one afternoon watching a young man walking up to attractive ladies and propositioning them...

... As the young man comes near the drunk he hears the guy say, "Tickle your ass with a feather?" to the chick sitting in front of him. When the girl turns to the guy with an incredulous look on her f ace and asks, "WHAT DID YOU SAY?" the guy says, "Typically nasty weather." The woman thinks she...

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A farmer goes to town with his dog

to buy some supplies. While there, he ties his dog to a tree and goes into a bar for a drink.

The town cop eventually showed up and asked if that was his dog tied up outside. “Yes, why?” Asked the farmer.
The policeman says “I think it wants to get bred”. To which the farmer replied, “N...

One day while returning from school a 8 year old child ...

One day while returning from school a 8 year old child met a Saint and had a conversation with him.

The Saint became so happy with the child that he gave him a magic sentence which will fulfill all his wishes.

"I know everything"

However, he warned him to not use the Sentence m...

My wife bought me some iron ore for Christmas.

She seems to have misunderstood when I asked for a slag.

You know that saying about being the change you want to see in the world?

I feel like 50 Cent misunderstood it.

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I was banned from a largest cock competition

Apparently I misunderstood the objective

The girls next door gave me a Rolex for my birthday.

But I think they misunderstood when I said I wanna watch.

I turned myself in to TSA today for past issues with my mom

I apparently misunderstood what they meant by unattended baggage

Epstein's death being a suicide was just one big misunderstanding...

The medical examiner who ruled the death as a suicide misunderstood what his colleague meant by "Man... Epstein sure was hung!"

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A guy walks into a clock shop

He then pulls his dick out and puts it on the counter.

The lady says, “Sir, I think you’ve misunderstood...this is a Clock shop.”

He says, “Yeah I know, I want you to put two hands and a face on it!”

I've protected my laptop by placing several alcoholic fruity beverages on top of it.

I guess I misunderstood when people told me to focus on cider security.

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