I completely misunderstood pride month...

Who wants to buy 15 lions?

I’m banned for life from acting in our production of Romeo and Juliet, just because I misunderstood the stage directions.

It said, [Enter Juliet from the rear]

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My girlfriend is incredibly sad since her cat has been disappeared.

I am quite sure now that I misunderstood something when she asked me to eat her pussy - and I am beginning to think that I did not get the "fuck her doggy" part either.

People are so misunderstood about spider webs..

They think it’s like silk, but it snot

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There is a factory that makes the Tickle Me Elmo toys.

The toy laughs when you tickle it under the arms.   Well, Lena is hired at The Tickle Me Elmo factory and she reports for her first day promptly at 8:00 am.   The next day at 8:45 is there is a knock at the Personnel Manager’s door. The Foreman throws open the door and begins to rant about the new E...

Dr. Frankenstein entered a bodybuilding contest

He seriously misunderstood the objective.

Misunderstood JT

In the early 2000s Justin Timberlake did a tour in Eastern Europe and had a stop in southern Ukraine.

After playing a show in Sevastopol he had some down time so he travelled the countryside, and was amazed by the stunning beauty of the peninsula's nature and wildlife. He backpacked through ...

I think Louis CK has been misunderstood.

He was testing out new material. He just wanted to see whether women would laugh at his junk!

A girl tells her mom she’s dating the guy next door

The mom’s like “you can’t date him he could be your dad”

And the daughter is like “so there’s an age difference who cares”

“I think you misunderstood me”

I called in an order of wonton soup, but I guess they misunderstood me.

On an unrelated note, I'm opening a soup kitchen.

One day while returning from school a 8 year old child ...

One day while returning from school a 8 year old child met a Saint and had a conversation with him.

The Saint became so happy with the child that he gave him a magic sentence which will fulfill all his wishes.

"I know everything"

However, he warned him to not use the Sentence m...

Misunderstood

An old joke ..hope you guys enjoy it..

A really hot, young lady was sitting on a park bench and sucking on a popsicle cooling off the summer heat. A young man sitting next to her is staring in amazement at the young woman sucking on the popsicle. Getting annoyed at the young man's gaze, the ...

What do you call someone who is misunderstood that ends up getting married?

Mrs. Understood

I'm so mad about everyone being against Trump. He's so misunderstood...He's just a human being who wants to be loved....

by his Daughter.

Snakes are misunderstood

Constrictor snakes just want hugs and get carried away and then eat the evidence to stay out of snake prison because they AIN'T GOING BACK.

It's 2021, and President Joe Biden is told he needs to assemble a cabinet

Coming back from IKEA, he realizes he's greatly misunderstood the task

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I ran into the gas station with my mask on saying, "This is a Stick Up!"

The clerk laughed.

The man paying for a coffee laughed.

The lady grabbing a candy bar laughed.

They thought I was joking, so I quickly made a small purchase.

When the cashier had the drawer open, I said hand me the large bills and a carton behind the counter.

The c...

Apparently Aaron Hernandez misunderstood his attorney when his lawyer told him to...

hang in there

My robust wife is mad at me because I misunderstood her when she demanded flowers the next time we made love....

...and so that night, with a bag of flour in my hands all I said was: "I thought you wanted this to roll in so I could find the wet spot"

It's true I misunderstood what you meant by "take me to the bone zone"

but you must admit this is a very nice graveyard.

I think Aaron Hernandez misunderstood the verdict...

He must have thought it ended in a hung jury.

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A preacher's wife is preparing for dinner and makes her way to the butcher...

"I'd like your best ham, please," she says to the butcher.

"You'll have The Damn Ham," he replies.

Taken aback, she asks, "Sir, could you please not use that sort of language around me? My husband is a preacher, and I am a devout Christian."

"No, ma'am, I think you misunderstoo...

My wife bought me some iron ore for Christmas.

She seems to have misunderstood when I asked for a slag.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My Aunt Jill was an English teacher who taught me so many important lessons like....

“Always use very precise language or you could be misunderstood.”

I remember it vividly because we were at their farm and I was helping my uncle Jack off a horse as she was telling me that.

Frankenstein

Frankenstein decided to enter a bodybuilding class, after the first lesson he found out he seriously misunderstood the objective.

A dad and his son walk into a bar.

"Sorry, we don't serve minors." Said the bartender, who was often misunderstood.

The son said "But I turned 21 a year ago!".

The bartender clarified, "I know. I'm talking about your father."

The Father, having heard this, throws his pickaxe and headlamp to the ground in anger.

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A crusty old man walks into the local Lutheran Church and says to the secretary, "I would like to join this damn church."

The astonished woman replies, "I beg your pardon, sir. I must have misunderstood you. What did you say?"

"Listen up, damn it. I said I want to join this damn church!"

"I'm very sorry sir, but that kind of language is not tolerated in this church." And with that said, the secretary lea...

My girlfriend of two years dumped me on her birthday. I dont know why she was so mad, I got her EXACTLY what she asked for; 10 cents and a bell...

...upon further reflection, I may have misunderstood "a dime and ring", my bad.

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A guy walks into a clock shop

He then pulls his dick out and puts it on the counter.

The lady says, “Sir, I think you’ve misunderstood...this is a Clock shop.”

He says, “Yeah I know, I want you to put two hands and a face on it!”

The toilet paper issue reminds me of a joke

When the white man first arrived to North America and set up camp, they weren't sure what to expect for their first winter. So, one man decided to chop a bunch of wood so it would be handy.

After befriending some nearby natives, he asked how cold the winters got. The native said, "Its going t...

PRIEST: you may now read the vows you have prepared

ME: I think I misunderstood the assignment

"just read what you have"

ME: ok [deep breath]... A E I O U

As Covid19 winds down, another virus is spreading like wildfire

Covid19 may be winding down, but a brand new virus, the ID10t virus, is spreading like wildfire.
Symptoms of the ID10t virus include mental and comprehension issues. Symptoms include schitzophasia, a condition where words are misunderstood. A victim may hear or read a words like "baking soda" a...

A young woman gets her first job at the Tickle-me Elmo factory.

The boss takes her up to the office that overlooks the assembly line and tells her what her job is. Then he sends her down. About an hour later the line leader comes up to the office and says, “Boss you gotta get this new girl off my line. She’s killing production.”
The boss looks down out of his...

Have you guys heard about cheat days?

Well, I kinda misunderstood that, and now my girlfriend has dumped me.

Why was Dr.frankinstine banned from the convention center?

He vastly misunderstood what a body building competition was.

You know that saying about being the change you want to see in the world?

I feel like 50 Cent misunderstood it.

I turned myself in to TSA today for past issues with my mom

I apparently misunderstood what they meant by unattended baggage

Epstein's death being a suicide was just one big misunderstanding...

The medical examiner who ruled the death as a suicide misunderstood what his colleague meant by "Man... Epstein sure was hung!"

The girls next door gave me a Rolex for my birthday.

But I think they misunderstood when I said I wanna watch.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was banned from a largest cock competition

Apparently I misunderstood the objective

My girlfriend's dog came running up to us for a cuddle.

"I love you Freddy," she said, stroking his fur.

"I love him more than you," I replied.

She said, "I don't think so, I definitely love him most."

I said, "You misunderstood me."

My wife's fantasy is to be with another man. Mine is to have two girls at the same time.

She must have misunderstood because now we have twin daughters from the mailman

A man walks into a bar......

An Irishman man walks into a bar in New York City. He orders three whiskeys. The bartender pours him one and says, "Lemme know when you want the next one." But the man says, "I think you've misunderstood me. I'd like all three at once." The bartender pours two more drinks. The man drinks down the th...

I've protected my laptop by placing several alcoholic fruity beverages on top of it.

I guess I misunderstood when people told me to focus on cider security.

A man walks into a bar...

And asks the bartender "Get me a drink. I'll take anything but Bud Lite."


Bartender asks "What do you have against Bud Lite?"


"Well last time I drank that stuff I killed 21 bottles, went home and blew chunks." He answered


"You must be stupid! Drinking 21 of anything ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A different 3 men/lunch joke

At an art exhibition two women were staring at a painting entitled, "Home for Lunch".

The painting was of three very naked, and very black men, sitting on a park bench. What was unusual was that the men on both ends of the bench had black penises, but the man in the middle had a very pink pen...

An embarassing supermarket checkout . . .

When Jane reached the checkout counter, she learned that one of her items had a scratched bar code, making it unreadable to the scanner.

Imagine her embarrassment when the cashier got on the intercom and boomed out for all the store to hear, “Price check on Tampax, supersize please.”

A...

My father asked me what I wanted for my birthday. He sent me from King's Landing to the Wall.

I think he misunderstood me when I said, "I wanna Watch."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A lady moves to a new town

She needs a job and the only place to work within 50 miles is a tickle me Elmo factory.
So she drives there the very next day. She is immediately sent to the head honchos office, and he says to her "this is your lucky day, we just lost somone in the factory and you would be perfect for the j...

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