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Lyft Jokes

What do you call a drunk guy trying to start his car?

A lyft. Friends don't let friends drive drunk.

This lyft driver hit on me at the bar..

He had the worst pick-up lines.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did the two boobs say when they got out at the beach?

Thanks for the Lyft, brah!

What do you call a nice Jewish Lyft driver?

an Uber Mensch.

Uber teams up with Lyft to fight ride-sharing restrictions in Germany

Deutschland Uber allies was probably a bad choice for the name of the coalition.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My Lyft passenger told his friend why he needs to stop pushing religion on people.

His conversation went something like this:

"You just cant push Christianity on people, it doesnt work. Because at the end of the day, no matter how successful you are, they want to go on living their lives!"

"I dont know about that..."

"I mean for fuck sake, they say that Jesus ...

What did the inpatient woman tell the Uber driver?

Hurry up. I’m in desperate need of a Lyft.

I’ve been driving for Uber/Lyft full time for a few months now and my wrists are starting to hurt from turning the steering wheel so much.

I think I’m getting Car Pool Tunnel

Why do Uber drivers skip the gym?

Because they don't even Lyft.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I heard there is a new category of rideshare where you can get a topless driver.

They are calling it a Boob Lyft.



Thank you... I'll see myself out.

I saw a dude ordering an Uber as he left the gym

so I asked him, "Do you even Lyft, bro?"

I once was asked what drove me to become an accountant

I replied, Lyft.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Alexa: I need sex.



**Husband:** Hey Alexa, I need sex.

**Alexa :** most certainly... you Don't worry. I am dimming the lights. Setting your AC to 22 degrees.

The Viagra is kept on top right shelf of your wardrobe. The vagina gel is kept next to it.

I have hired your favourite Thai massager...

I kept calling Uber but they never showed up

I told them I was in desperate need of a Lyft

Arnold Schwarzenegger is very particular about hiring rides.

I mean, why would he Uber when he could Lyft?

What's the difference between a commuter's phone and a 737 MAX?

The phone doesn't randomly lose Lyft completely while operating.

They just announced the next Fast and Furious movie where they will go undercover as ride share drivers in Asia

It's called Tokyo Lyft

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man requests a car to pick him up via an app on his phone.

It was a very cold winter day in the city. A man pulls out his phone and requests a car to pick him up. When the car arrives the man braves the brutal snow and wind to get to the car.He jumps in the back seat and the first words out of his mouth are "oooooh brrrr."

The driver responds, "Are y...

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