UPJOKE
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Labelled Jokes

The FBI are raiding an alleged spy’s apartment, when they discover a hard drive labelled “KGB”.

One of the agents holds it up with a look of confusion and says, “why wouldn’t he just write 1 TB?”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

It was Friday night. Frank, Jim and Ed were at the game ready to watch 26 infected zombie girls tear each other to pieces.

Tied around the inside of the arena, the infected girls are labelled A-Z, with fresh meat tied to their backs to entice them to fight. The winner is the last one standing.

Over 50,000 spectators watch from the stands behind a wire fence, betting slips in hand and eager for the fight to begin....

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Donald Trump

Donald Trump has labelled Hillary Clinton "disgusting" for taking a bathroom break during the debate. Trump himself never has to go to the bathroom, as the shit just comes straight out of his mouth.

 

Edit: Thanks to everyone that found this joke funny. To all those I offended...

My wife's panties are labelled 'Monday', 'Tuesday', 'Wednesday' ...

My underwear is labelled 'January', February', 'March'...

A Priest, Rabbi and Atheist walk into a bar and each ask for a drink.

The bartender, saying nothing and looking disdainful, points to a sign clearly labelled: NO JOKES SERVED HERE

Without a fight the Priest, Rabbi and Atheist leave the bar, heads hanging.

The next day a chicken walks in and plops down on the barstool.

Wiping the inside of a glass,...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A teenage boy asks his granny: 'Have you seen my pills, they are labelled LSD?

Granny: "Fuck the pills; have you seen the dragons in the kitchen?"

BOSS: What's going on here?

BOSS: What's going on here?

JAMES: Dave's mad because he specifically labelled his sandwich in the fridge and I accidentally-

DAVE: Not accidentally, on purpose!!

JAMES: ugh ok FINE. And I, "on purpose", slept with his wife

A guy walks into a bar to see a jar labelled 'BET MONEY' with a couple hundred dollars in it.

A guy walks into a bar to see a jar labelled 'BET MONEY' with a couple hundred dollars in it. He asked the bartender what the bet was. The bartender pointed to two pieces of meat hanging from the ceiling and said, "The bet is that you can't jump and hit both pieces of meat before you land back on th...

I posted a "Donald Trump walks into a bar" joke to see if it's going to be labelled as "Politics" or "Walks into a bar".

Turns out it's "Religion".

Doctors

I was in the doctor's office today, and I saw a cupboard labelled:

"Faecal Collection"

And I thought to myself:

"Man, these guys have got to find themselves a better hobby!!"

Got this joke off of a yogurt pack... Why are football stadiums so windy?

'This is not labelled for individual sales'


I know, I dont get it either...

An astronaut is the first to step onto an alien planet.

An astronaut is the first to step onto an alien planet. The alien's are so excited that they change all their signs to English, and even rename some of their places and landmarks after Human places and landmarks and things.
The astronaut decides the first place he wants to go is a pub. He sees ...

I'm surprised more people didn't know about the NSA spying programs

I mean most of our computers are labelled "Intel"

Panda Express fired me for emailing around photos of bad stir fry...

I guess I should have labelled them Not Safe for Wok...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is on a plane and really needs to use the bathroom...

but all the men's bathrooms are busy. He tries his best to wait and hold it but finds it very difficult.

He approaches a stewardess and explains his situation and begs to use the women's bathroom. After some debate and ample hesitation, she agrees under the condition he does not touch any bu...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The joke store

A guy gets a job at a practical joke store.

To help him learn the ropes, the proprietor has him spend the first week just sorting through all the different practical jokes they sell, learning what they do and making sure everything's correctly labelled and organised. And what a variety! They'...

Being a manutd fan these days is annoying enough as it is

the other day I was talking about how good Liverpool are and I was labelled a traitor , questioned about my loyalty and insulted.

What do they think I am ? An undercover KOP?

What's the difference between an anti-vaxxer and a barrel of radioactive waste?

Nothing. They should both be locked up and labelled "dangerous substance"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Hard Brexit

Fears over dwindling viagra stockpiles in the U.K in the result of a hard Brexit. The government have labelled it "a growing problem".

Just thought this when making a coffee, I'm sorry...

I've grown a fetish where I love to lick milk off white women's feet, I've been labelled a racist though... it's not my fault I'm black toes intolerant.

Thank you, thank you very much *hangs head in shame*

I was walking home drunk when I came across some people collecting for charity.

I don't know why they got so upset when I vomited in their bucket of coins and banknotes.

They had clearly labelled it: FOR THE SICK.

During the cold war

The USSR had an epidemic of unplanned pregnancies, so they unwillfuly asked the US for aid since they dudnt had the technology to produce good condoms. They didn't wanted to look weak so they asked for 1 billion 11 inch condoms. The Americans got their request and didn't wanted to look weak either, ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The South American Cocksucking Iguana

A man is having problems with his wife. She's constantly nagging at him and he always seems to be in the dog house.


After a particularly big fight, he begins to drive around aimlessly. He passes a pet store and is seized by a brilliant idea. He'll get a pet for his wife! Maybe it will mak...

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