UPJOKE

48 Hour Jokes

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I ate nothing but beans for 48 hours

I now think I have Ass Purgers syndrome.

What’s the difference between Brazil and the USA?

About 1500 arrests within 48 hours of an attempted coup.

Amazon has come up with a new service where they deliver custom made suits within 48 hours.

It’s called Tailor Swift.

If your election lasts more than 48 hours,

consult a physician.

The Police has revealed their statistics for the last 48 hours.

Theft: 0 cases

Killings: 0 cases

Prostitution: 0 cases

Family and roommate quarrels: 8720 cases

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There was a man who would stay awake 48 hours straight every Saturday and Sunday from midnight to midnight.

When asked why he did it, he said “Sleep is for the week.”

Teacher asks, "If you could be president for 48 hours, how many of you would be able to sleep?"

One student raised his hand. The teacher addressed the student, "You think you would be able to sleep through that responsibility?" The student responded, "I would be sleeping. With ever girl ever."

My dog ate a pair of D&D dice...

48 hours later, she rolled a natural deuce.

A lot of people don't like Mondays

But 48 hours ago was a sadder day.

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead go hunting

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead all went out camping and hunting together. After setting up camp the brunette left to go hunt. 24 hours later the brunette came back with a deer. The others were in awe of the brunette and asked, "How did you do it?"

The brunette replied, "Found tracks, foll...

I told Alexa to rent "Everything, Everywhere, All at Once"

Now I have a billion-dollar credit card charge and 48 hours to watch everything, everywhere, all at once.

Harry went to his doctor on Thursday to review his test results. The Doctor told him that he has both good news and bad news.

"Good news is you have 48 hours to live," he said to Harry.

"Bad news is I should have told you on Tuesday.

I can travel 2 days ahead

it takes 48 hours to do so

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A US senator died and went to heaven.

When he gets to heaven Saint Peter is waiting for him at the pearly gates.
Peter says: "Oh a Senator huh? Well we have a special deal for you! Since you spent your life trying to reach across the aisle to both parties we give you 24 hours in both heaven and hell and at the end of 48 hours you g...

Doctor to patient: I've got bad news & worse news...

Patient: Give me the bad first.

Dr: Ok. Your diagnosis told us you only have 48 hours to live.

P: Oh god! What could be worse news than that?

Dr: I've been trying to reach you since early yesterday morning.

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My ability to have repeated sex is like a movie.

In my 20s, it was *Let's Do It Again.* In my 40s, it was *48 Hours*. Pretty soon, it will be *28 Days Later.*

Last week, hubby wanted to spice things up a little, and suggested we play doctors and nurses.....

.... so I strapped him to a trolley, put him in the hallway, and ignored him for 48 hours.

I experienced the WORST customer service yesterday at a shop.

I don't want to mention the name of the shop because I'm not sure how I'm going to proceed. On Wednesday I bought something from this shop. I paid cash for it. I took it home and found out it didn't work. So today, less than 48 hours later I took it back to the shop and asked if I could get a refund...

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A man visits the doctor...

And the doctor asks,"What seems to be the problem?", and the man says,"well, it's turns out that my penis has turned orange." So the doctor takes a look, and he cannot figure out what it could be. The doctor says,"I'm not sure what what the problem is. What have you been doing for the past 48 hours?...

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Decisions, decisions, decisions.

A man dies and is met at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter. St. Peter says to the man, "There is really nothing extremely good nor bad about your life to determine your fate. You'll have to spend 24 hours in Heaven and in Hell, then choose where you wish to spend eternity."
The man thinks for a momen...

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