Apparently, astronauts grow up to two inches in space.

I never knew they were so minute.

What do you call an Australian in space?

An Austronaut

I went to an event in space. It was bogus

Guess they didn’t planet well.

In honor of his being the first 90 year old in space, I’m going as the Star Trek Cleveland Steamer for Halloween

Just as soon as I perfect my William Shatner chest costume.

What do you call it when someone is mildly polite in space?

Comet courtesy

What do you call a baby conceived in space?

An astronut

There are 2 astronauts in space.

The first says "I can't find any milk for my coffee"

The second says "in space, no-one can. Here, use cream"

(Saying it aloud helps)

#Tip your waitresses!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a black man in space?

An astronaut you fucking racist.

I really doubt Canada will invest significantly in space exploration, but I’ll believe it if they...

...show me the moon, eh!

You wouldn't be able to be a comedian in space

Because there is no atmosphere

In space, two aliens are talking to each other.

The first alien says, "The dominant life forms on the Earth planet have developed satellite-based nuclear weapons."

The second alien asks, "Are they an emerging intelligence?"

The first alien says, "I don't think so, they have aimed at themselves"

NASA was experimenting with animals in space.

Monkeys were an obvious choice, but they had no patience. Mice chewed all the cables, dogs were too stupid and chickens were always scared. It seemed the only animal that could cope with the intense stress of space travel was a chilled out alley cat.

After a few months of testing and training...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is it called when someone cums in space?

Astronut.

Recently a wine aged in space was put up for sale

I wanted to buy it, but the price was astronomical.

We were travelling far far away in space. Moving through time faster than the universe itself.

But i still got a traffic ticket in the mail.

August 20, 2020: Scientists have discovered a "mystery object" in space. The object is equal to 2.6 solar masses.

March 1, 2021: (Update) Scientists have determined that the “mystery object” is made up of unmatched socks.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why are there no churches in space?

Without gravity there can be no mass.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you use if you want a thicc and muscular butt in space?

Asteroids

What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon.

Bought a really nice pen today. It can write underwater and in space....

and many other fine words .

Potatoes in space

So Russia decided to launch a satellite full of potatoes into orbit to see what would happen.
Apparently it’s called the SPUNDnic

Cannot get milk for my coffee, in space.

Once their Crew Dragon craft made it to safely to space, and they were headed toward the International Space Station, Bob Behnken completed some reports and then decided to have a cup of coffee. Well, a pouch of coffee anyway. Still, it was coffee, and thanks to SpaceX's desire to make space trave...

Apparently the first dog in space died of stress

It was probably because of the vacuum

NASA is finally letting women walk in space.

Probably safer than letting them drive.

In space you don’t have hemroids...

you have assteroids.

NASA had a supply of rib eye on the last flight to the international space station to see how meat cooked in space. They called it their most important mission.

Because the steaks were never higher.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Where's the best place to hide drugs in space?

Uranus.

What do you call deer in space?

Star bucks.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One day I would love to have sex in Space.

Or on Earth.

What were the odds in 1957 of being the exact stray dog chosen to be the first living thing in space?

Laika million to one

If someone ties their shoes in space...

Did they do an Astro-knot?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I won a trip to a Party in Space.

The food and beer was good.

The atmosphere was Crap.

It's the year 2070. Instead of putting funny one-liners in Christmas crackers, they put them in timecapsules embedded in space-rocks and send them to other planets.

The real joke is in the comets

Did you know that a dog wrote a book about his adventures in space?

*I, Shih Tzu-Naut*

Why are there no dogs in space?

Because dogs hate vacuums

Why is CoD: Infinite Warfare set in space?

Because no one on earth wants to buy it.

First women in space.

"Houston, we have a problem."
"What?"
"Nevermind."
"Whats the problem?"
"Nothing."
"Please tell us."
"I'm fine."

What do u call a dead body in space?

A celestial body.

Why can't you get cell reception in space?

Because it's 0 G

What do you call a tangled rope in space?

Astro-knot.

Party in space

What’s the worst part about throwing a party in space?.....

....You have to planet.

In space, every book is a good book

You simply can't put it down.

Why aren't there any thugs in space

Because there's zero G's

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Which fast food joint would you like to see in space?

Personally, I'd love to see Five Guys on Uranus

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What happens when a human in space cums?

He astronuts

Did you hear there was a nuclear explosion in space this morning?!

Most people call it the sun.




Note: My dad pulled this on me this morning. My friend hit me when I told them.

What do you call a group of hot moms in space?

THE MILFY WAY!

Do you know why women aren’t allowed in space?

To avoid scenarios like: "Houston, we have a problem!"

"What is the problem?"

"Yeah, great, pretend like you don’t know what I’m talking about!"

Why are women more qualified than men to be in space?

They were born to handle a vacuum

Two black holes are jogging in space.

One says "You should slim down to get more attractive."

"Are you dense?" replies the other.

What does Sean Connery call a cigarette in space?

An ashtronaut

NASA have decided that the Astronauts are going to have a party in space this christmas, the food is going to be wonderful but:

No atmosphere..

I saw a Norse god discreetly playing 49Hz notes on a piano in space...

I thought to myself: "What a low G low G low key low key Loki."

A new restaurant opened in space!

Mixed reviews so far. The food is over the moon, but prices are sky high and there’s no atmosphere at all.

My brother keeps telling me to watch "Lost in Space"...

But I refuse to. The show was just fine on the island, don't see the need to remake the show in space.

What is the strength of a magnetic field in space?

1 Tesla.

What do you call a janitor in space?

A vacuum cleaner

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a nun in space?

Virgin Galactic

Why can't you have a mechanical wave seance in space?

Cause you'd need a medium

How can you tell if a hamburger was grilled in space?

It's a little meteor.

If you smoke cigarettes in space...

You become an Ashtraynaut.

Astronaut Scot Kelly grew 2 inches after being in space for a year

You'd think they'd be doing more important stuff in space other than measuring their weenies.

How does Thor's home float in space?

_Asgardium leviosa!_

Lebron James is going to be in Space Jam 2

It's going to be really weird when Lebron quits the Tune Squad and joins up with the Monstars midway through the movie

What do you call wifi in space?

Mars Bars

NASA spent 1.5mil on a pen that works in space.

Russia putin a pencil.

There is no ice cream in space

because no one can hear you scream

Would headphones get tangled in space?

no, they would knot

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.