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In Space Jokes

In space, two aliens are talking to each other.

The first alien says, "The dominant life forms on the Earth planet have developed satellite-based nuclear weapons."

The second alien asks, "Are they an emerging intelligence?"

The first alien says, "I don't think so, they have aimed at themselves"
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Nasa was experimenting with different animals in space.

Monkeys were an obvious choice, but they had no patience. Mice chewed all the cables, dogs were too stupid and chickens were always scared. It seemed the only animal that could cope with the intense stress of space travel was a chilled out alley cat.

After a few months of testing and training...
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What do you call J.K. Rowling in space?

AstroTERF
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What did the American rocket say to the soviet rocket in space.

Good we’re alone now we can speak German.
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What do you call a Mexican in space?

An astronaut you racist
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did you hear about the restaurant that was opened in space?

the food was alright, but it had no atmosphere.
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What's it called when you get a hemorrhoid in space?

An assteroid.
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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

what happens when an astronaut masturbates in space?

They defile gravity

There are no queues in space

Everything's waitless
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Why is CoD: Infinite Warfare set in space?

Because no one on earth wants to buy it.
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If you murder someone in space

Are you above the law?
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An astronaut flies in his space shuttle

And after flying for a while he stops at the nearest gas station in space to fill up. Once he’s done he asks the cashier where the nearest bar is. The cashier respond with “if you just go over to the next moon, you’ll find it. It’s called The Keyboard.” The astronaut thanks the cashier and leaves. O...
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Potatoes in space

So Russia decided to launch a satellite full of potatoes into orbit to see what would happen.
Apparently it’s called the SPUNDnic
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If you get sick in space

Are you really under the weather?
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There are 2 astronauts in space.

The first says "I can't find any milk for my coffee"

The second says "in space, no-one can. Here, use cream"

(Saying it aloud helps)

#Tip your waitresses!
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A man entered a contest for who can last the longest in space. He got first place, so what did he win?

A-trophy
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Apparently, astronauts grow up to two inches in space.

I never knew they were so minute.
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Why do astronauts use apple computing systems in space?

Because they can't open windows
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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why are there no churches in space?

Without gravity there can be no mass.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One day I would love to have sex in Space.

Or on Earth.

In space, every book is a good book

You simply can't put it down.
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First woman in space

"Houston, we have a problem."

"What?"

"Never mind"

"What's the problem?"

"Nothing"

"Please tell us?"

"You know what the problem is."

"If you understand me at all, you would've known!"
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I went to an event in space. It was bogus

Guess they didn’t planet well.
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon.
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Bought a really nice pen today. It can write underwater and in space....

and many other fine words .
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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is it called when someone cums in space?

Astronut.

Recently a wine aged in space was put up for sale

I wanted to buy it, but the price was astronomical.
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What do you call a baby conceived in space?

An astronut
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In space you don’t have hemroids...

you have assteroids.
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How do you pay for coffee in space?

With star bucks.
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NASA is finally letting women walk in space.

Probably safer than letting them drive.
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What do you call a tangled rope in space?

Astro-knot.
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Party in space

What’s the worst part about throwing a party in space?.....

....You have to planet.
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What's the difference between a Viking and that one Bond movie where he's in space?

One's *Moonraker*, the other's a rune maker.
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Cannot get milk for my coffee, in space.

Once their Crew Dragon craft made it to safely to space, and they were headed toward the International Space Station, Bob Behnken completed some reports and then decided to have a cup of coffee. Well, a pouch of coffee anyway. Still, it was coffee, and thanks to SpaceX's desire to make space trave...
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If someone ties their shoes in space...

Did they do an Astro-knot?
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Where's the best place to hide drugs in space?

Uranus.

What do u call a dead body in space?

A celestial body.
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Why aren't there any thugs in space

Because there's zero G's
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What do you use if you want a thicc and muscular butt in space?

Asteroids

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What do you call a wet fart in space?

An ass-teroid shower.

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What happens when a human in space cums?

He astronuts

Do you know why women aren’t allowed in space?

To avoid scenarios like: "Houston, we have a problem!"

"What is the problem?"

"Yeah, great, pretend like you don’t know what I’m talking about!"
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Why can't you get cell reception in space?

Because it's 0 G
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I really doubt Canada will invest significantly in space exploration, but I’ll believe it if they...

...show me the moon, eh!
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We were travelling far far away in space. Moving through time faster than the universe itself.

But i still got a traffic ticket in the mail.
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August 20, 2020: Scientists have discovered a "mystery object" in space. The object is equal to 2.6 solar masses.

March 1, 2021: (Update) Scientists have determined that the “mystery object” is made up of unmatched socks.
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In honor of his being the first 90 year old in space, I’m going as the Star Trek Cleveland Steamer for Halloween

Just as soon as I perfect my William Shatner chest costume.
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What does Sean Connery call a cigarette in space?

An ashtronaut
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What did Trump say when he was told there were Brazilian astronauts in space?

Another Trump record. No one has ever heard of this many astronauts in Space.
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Which fast food joint would you like to see in space?

Personally, I'd love to see Five Guys on Uranus

What do you call a group of hot moms in space?

THE MILFY WAY!
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If you smoke cigarettes in space...

You become an Ashtraynaut.
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It's the year 2070. Instead of putting funny one-liners in Christmas crackers, they put them in timecapsules embedded in space-rocks and send them to other planets.

The real joke is in the comets
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NASA had a supply of rib eye on the last flight to the international space station to see how meat cooked in space. They called it their most important mission.

Because the steaks were never higher.
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What do you call a janitor in space?

A vacuum cleaner
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Did you hear there was a nuclear explosion in space this morning?!

Most people call it the sun.




Note: My dad pulled this on me this morning. My friend hit me when I told them.
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Why are women more qualified than men to be in space?

They were born to handle a vacuum
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Would headphones get tangled in space?

no, they would knot
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What do you call a nun in space?

Virgin Galactic

How does Thor's home float in space?

_Asgardium leviosa!_
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What is the strength of a magnetic field in space?

1 Tesla.
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What do you call wifi in space?

Mars Bars
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Juno and Jupiter Sitting in Space

Jupiter's moons were named after the Roman god's mistresses and this week NASA sent a spacecraft named after his wife, Juno, to observe the planet. If they find evidence that Jupiter has been unfaithful, the next thing NASA will be sending is a Death Star.
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My brother keeps telling me to watch "Lost in Space"...

But I refuse to. The show was just fine on the island, don't see the need to remake the show in space.
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What were the odds in 1957 of being the exact stray dog chosen to be the first living thing in space?

Laika million to one
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