This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

“I’m sorry I walk in on you wanking” said josh to his new housemate.

I’ll make sure to wank in my own room from now on

My housemate keeps playing the same Queen song over and over again

All we hear is Radio Ga Ga!

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My housemates are full of shit.

Refusing to pay rent, making up excuses about hauntings.

I've lived here for hundreds of years. Not seen a single ghost.

My housemates are convinced our house is haunted

I don't get it. I've lived here for 273 years and not noticed anything strange.

I told my Italian housemate that "I'm not a materialist", he asked "is that a pronoun?",

I replied "no, it's more anti noun"

My housemates may get angry at me for stealing all their cooking utensils..

..but quite frankly that's a whisk I'm willing to take.

My housemates threw a moving away party for me.

I just wish they did it before I left.

My housemate threw milk on me...

how dairy.

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I've been sneaking clay, sand and mortar into my housemate's food...

When they find out they'll shit bricks.

My new housemate is French...

My new housemate is French. Last night when he got home I said, "Nice to know you're from France.. My favourite place is North of France, actually.."

"Let me guess," he said, "Lille.. Arras.. or maybe Côte d'Opale?.."

"No, England." I replied.

Source:

http:/...

Jess loved to date musicians

One night, she has a date with a trumpeter. When she returned home, her housemate asked 'So was the trumpeter a potential keeper?'


'No' replied Jess 'His lips were so tight and dry. He was no fun to kiss'


The next night, she has a date with a tubist. Again, Jess returns hom...

The most heartbreaking thing to ever happen to me.

I was about to propose to my girlfriend one night when my housemate Joseph barged into the room out of nowhere. He tripped and fell over, breaking a glass table with his face. Now I didn’t know Joseph *that* well - hell don’t even remember where he was from, but I managed to suppress my frustration ...

A mother went to visit her son

Mothers are smarter than you think they are ..... 

  
A Mom went to visit her son, Jack, for dinner and found that he had a girl by the name of Tammy for a roomate ... 
  
During the course of dinner, Jack's mother couldn't help but notice how pretty Jack's housemate was and the moth...

Asked my friend to make up a joke about two Canadians and a Bear

A visually impaired Canadian is notified that a bear has broken into his house and is eating all his food.

He hurries home and into the kitchen, where he finds A: his hairy housemate and B: a bear.

But he doesn't know which is which!

"Shoot us both," the housemate says, "it's th...

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