This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

3 race horses are having a drink at their local pub

They each talk about their recent races and victories,

The first horse says - "Guys, I had something weird happen at my last race. I was in the final straight running 5th and losing ground, I didn't think there was any chance I could get up and win. Then all of the sudden *PING* this burst of...

I have a few female horses, but one of them always starts freaking out while riding at night

She's my worst night mare

A horse walks into a bar

And orders a beer. The bartender looks confused but pours him a cold one:

- That’ll be $25.

The horse opens his wallet, pays and start drinking. The bartender is still in awe and says:

- You see, we don’t really have many horses coming in here.

To which the horse replies:...

100 years ago everyone owned a horse and only the rick had cars. Today everyone own cars and only the rich own horses.

The stables have turned.

Whats in common between your ex and a horse?

People like riding horses.

A friend of mine once ate a couple of toy horses.

The doctor said not to worry, his condition is stable now.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

BREAKING NEWS: A man was presented into the ER after shoving 6 plastic horses up his ass...

Doctors say that his condition is stable.

A horse is sitting at home, bored, watching MTV...

He's watching a heavy metal music video, and the guitarist plays an amazing solo. The horse says "that looks amazing, I want to do that!"

The horse goes to the phone book, looks up a music teacher and calls him. "Hi, I'd like to learn to play guitar." Says the horse.

"Sure," says the ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How do you keep a horses ass from talking?

Suspend his Twitter account

If we want Congress to agree we should just replace the people with horses

Sure the neighs would carry every vote. But hay, at least the housing market would be stable.


I'll show myself out

What do horses that live near each other call each other?

Neigh-bors!

A farmer dies and gives two horses to his sons.

The first son says: We should cut one ear off so that we can tell them apart.

The second son agrees and they cut one ear off the horse.

That night the horse sees that he doesn't have an ear and thinks that he should bite off the ear of the other horse, and he does.

The next morn...

What do horses say when their food gets stolen?

Hay come back!

Why are horses always so negative?

Because they are neigh sayers.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why do horses love unicorns so much?

Because they’re always horny!

Two extraordinarily large horses were sitting at the bar having a beer. A guy walks in and says to the bartender. "Hey, what's with the Clydesdales?" Bartender says,

"They're draft horses."

Did you know pregnant horses run faster?

They have two horsepower.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two horses are sitting at a bar

The horses are taking about races they've been in recently
Horse 1: I was at a race, laps behind the rest. All of a sudden I feel a red hot poker up me ass anyways I put on speed and win the whole race.
Horse 2: Well now you mention that I was at a race, laps behind. All of a sudden I feel a r...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three race horses are in the stable having a conversation.

Three race horses are in the stable having a conversation.'I don't mean to brag,' says one of them 'but out of the 20 races I've had so far, I've won 11 of them.''You think that's impressive?' Laughs another 'I've been in 35 races and won 20 of them!''Is that it?' Says the third 'I've had 50 and won...

Two cowboys are riding along on their horses.

They soon get tired, and are miles away from home after getting lost. They find a near by tree, tie up their horses, and sleep, completely forgetting they have no food and little water.

The next morning they are famished, finally realizing they have no food. On says to the other, “We can kill...

Two friends bought two horses

One for each friend. They had to keep their horses at the same place so the 1st friend asked, “How are we going to identify which horse is yours and which one is mine?”
2nd friend: “For that, I have an idea. I'll shave my horse's neck hair. So the one without neck hair would be mine and the one w...

Where do horses go when their sick? The horsepital

Just kidding they get shot

The Horse Challenge (LONG)

Every year, during fair season, a local farmer takes his horse and sets up a booth at various fairs. The rules are simple and the reward is great; make his horse nod yes and then shake his head no- doing this earns a $500 prize.

As it so happens fair season is in full swing, and the farmer...

One day while he was at the track playing the ponies and all but losing his shirt, Mitch noticed a priest who stepped out onto the track and blessed the forehead of one of the horses lining up for the 4th race.Lo and behold, that horse - a very long shot - won the race.

Before the next race, as the horses began lining up, Mitch watched with interest the old priest step onto the track. Sure enough, as the 5th race horses came to the starting gate the priest made a blessing on the forehead of one of the horses.

Mitch made a beeline for a betting window and p...

The Lone Ranger and Tonto are riding their horses.

Tonto stops his horse, jumps off and puts his ear to the ground.

He looks up at the Lone Ranger and says, "Buffalo come".

The Lone Ranger asks, "How do you know that?" Tonto replies, "Ear sticky."

Why do you measure horses in hands, and not feet?

Because you can't walk up the right side of a horse.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Race horse Pat

There was a race horse named Pat, who was one of the greatest race horses to ever live. He set records that were near impossible to beat. After a long time of racing, he retired to an old stable with some old friends. They were very happy that he retired there to stay with him, and congratulated him...

My wife and I went to a "Dude Ranch" while in Texas.

The cowboy preparing the horses asked if she wanted a Western or English saddle, and she asked what the difference was.

He told her one had a horn and one didn't.

She replied, "The one without the horn is fine. I don't expect we'll run into too much traffic."

2 Native American animal trackers sit on their horses.

One gets down, lays his ear to the ground and after a moment he says "Buffalo come."
His friend asks "How you know?"
Then he stands up and touches the side of his face, "Sticky."

Why don't horses use the internet?

They can't find stable connections.

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.