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Hobbits Jokes

Sauron tortures a hobbit.

Sauron captured Bilbo Baggins and tried to torture him to tell where the magic ring was hidden. Soon the hobbit blurted out "I think Gollum has it!"

Then Sauron captured Gollum and tortured him, but the old evil and corrupted hobbit wouldn't talk.

It turns out bad hobbits are hard to...

When Hobbits run...

Do they get short of breath?

Why do Hobbits eat so often?

They heard that you need 3^2 meals per day

If hobbits were a plant how would they make food?

They would frodosynthesize.

What's it called when Hobbits build houses for other Hobbits?

Hobbitat for Humanity

Hand. Hand. River. Dirt. Gollum. Hobbits. Pockets. Pockets. Finger. Envelope. Fire. Hand. Neck. Neck. Finger. Hobbits. Neck. Neck. Neck. Pocket. Finger. LAVA.

- The Lord of the Rings Trilogy, from the perspective of the ring

Two hobbits were walking in the woods.

The first hobbit says "Look there, it's a tree!"

The second one replies "No, it is en't"

Where do the poorest Hobbits live?

The Worcestershire

What do you call introverted Hobbits?

Shyer folk.

Gandalf decided to go to the Shire, and to his surprise found Frodo and Sam making meth.

Gandalf decided to go to the Shire, and to his surprise found Frodo and Sam making meth.

"Why would you ever do such a thing!" He exclaimed.

"Well you see Mr Gandalf, after our adventure we haven't been able to feel the euphoria of being a hero until we tried this wonderful magic crys...

What are 8 Hobbits?

One hobbyte.

My partner had a go at me because at night, unaware, I go on about Hobbits, Rings and Orcs.

They think I'm Tolkien in my sleep.

Why couldn't the hobbits fly the Eagles to Mordor?

Because they were on tour and only got back at the end.

Why did Bilbo Baggins live for so long?

Because old Hobbits die hard...

A hobbit walks into a hospital room.

His grandfather was on his deathbed. After talking to him, he laid down and closed his eyes. He slowly got an erection. Everyone in the room was slightly confused. Sensing the tension in the room, he whispered something in his grandson's ear and died. When others asked him what it was, he replied "O...

What sauce do hobbits put on everything?

Worst-in-the-shire sauce

Why do hobbits eat 6 times a day?

Force of hobbit...

What’s a hobbits favorite drink?

Mountain Doom

Why did Steve Bannon call Trump supporters working-class hobbits?

Because they're friends with grand wizards.

What did the Hobbits scream as they were riding the Ents into battle against Isengard?

Run, Forest, run!

The hobbits Frodo, Sam, Merry, and Pippin, sat in Fangorn Forest to hear the first annual post-Sauron "Ent Comedy Jam" .... (An original LOTR-themed meta-joke for you.)

The hobbits Frodo, Sam, Merry, and Pippin, sat in Fangorn Forest to hear the first annual post-Sauron "Ent Comedy Jam."

With them was Gandalf, returned from over Sea with Frodo in tow just for the occasion. No one in living memory – at least now that the elves were all in the Undying Lands to...

How many Hobbits does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Well, any more than two and it gets pretty crowded in there.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

TIL, in the original draft of Lord Of The Rings: The Return Of The King, JRR Tolkien wrote that Bilbo Baggins died while having sex with a dwarf prostitute…

Apparently old hobbits die hard.

What do you call a group of hobbits?

The second breakfast club

No matter how much I torture him, Gollum won’t tell me where the Ring is.

Bad hobbits are really hard to break.

What kind of environment do hobbits live in?

A hobbitat

It wasn't easy for a group of hobbits to see their dead friend at the coroner's office.

Because one does not simply walk in the morgue door.

(One for those in the UK today) I'm not saying it's hot in my living room...

But two Hobbits just walked in and threw a ring into it.

Some people say that elves are very shy

But I think hobbits can be Shire

Not to say that giving my girlfriend free reign over the thermostat is a bad thing…

… but two hobbits just showed up to throw a ring in our bedroom.

Once a hobbit gets to around 125 years old, they are very likely to die. And a little known fact is that, when they do, they are generally found to have a raging, post-mortem erection!

That's right, old hobbits die hard.

Ringwraiths

My daughter watching Lord of the rings:

D: “So the hobbits call the nazgul the black riders right?”

Me: “yeah”

D: “the nazgul are like: ‘yo, that’s wraithist’”

Cue facepalm.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Reddit, what is your best cheesy joke?

I'm talking the jokes that you find insanely hilarious, and everyone else just either groans or stares blankly when you tell it. I'll start.

'Been teaching hobbits how to play cricket. Bilbo's good at catching, but he can't really Frodo.'

Every. Fucking. Time.

I was at a party in middle earth last night. TreeBeard got wasted and started dunking hobbits into a giant punch-bowl of booze. The dwarves laughed and begged for a turn. Soon, a queue of creatures had formed on his branches, eager to take the plunge. I didn’t get in line. I knew it was a trick…

Because the real punch-line is always in the calm ents

Samwise is preparing for his wedding...

He gathers his fellow hobbits around and then turns to Pippin.
"Pippin, I want you to be my best man."
Pippin is overjoyed, but before he can celebrate, there's a sound of someone crying, he turns and sees Frodo standing there with teary eyes.
"But Sam, what about me?" Frodo so...

Bruce Willis has been cast to play the lead role in the upcoming Lord of the Rings sequel.

Old Hobbits Die Hard.

Why are manhole covers circular?

Because Rouleaux triangles are too hard to manufacture.

What do you call 8 hobbits? A hobbyte.

Ive seen this place, filled with hills and green grass, people party and eat and just chill out. They live for hundreds of years in peace. Virtually no crime. sunshine most days, nice families, quaint neighbourhood...

anyone else notice there are no black hobbits in the shire?

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