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Bilbo Jokes

Why Bilbo had to be Male

Fun fact: Bilbo Baggins had to be a male in order for the plot of The Hobbit to work. If he was instead female, everything would have fallen apart in the goblin cave. Bilbo would have gone off wandering around in the dark and dreary caverns, found the ring, and seen Gollum fishing like in the origin...

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The only two white actors in Black Panther are Martin Freeman, who played Bilbo Baggins, and Andy Serkis who played Gollum.

They're the Tolkien white guys.

Edit: Apparently somebody posted this joke to Twitter in October and that makes me a piece of shit.

¯\\\_(ツ)_/¯

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Why did Bilbo have a boner at his own funeral?

Because old Hobbits die hard.

The only two white actors in Black Panther are Martin Freeman, who played Bilbo Baggins, and Andy Serkis who played Gollum.

They're the Tolkien white guys.









Edit: Swigity Swoo, I got a silver from you?

Edit: Golly Gee, a gold for me?

Edit: Boo hoo, a baby snoo too?

Edit: Cowabunga Grift, I got a coin gift!

Edit: Beagle pup, here comes a bless up!

Bilbo Baggins wakes up and hears someone singing ‘Don’t Stop Believing’.

It was an unexpected Journey.

I thought i heard Bilbo speak to Frodo

Turns out they were just Tolkien

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TIL, in the original draft of Lord Of The Rings: The Return Of The King, JRR Tolkien wrote that Bilbo Baggins died while having sex with a dwarf prostitute…

Apparently old hobbits die hard.

Why didn't Gandalf bring hookers to Bilbo's birthday party?

Because he is not a conjurer of cheap tricks.

Why did Bilbo Baggins always smoke pipeweed after every meal?

IDK, force of hobbit I guess

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What was the name of Bilbo’s incel cousin?

Stillno Shaggins

A Little Known Fact About the Works of J.R.R Tolkien

For his Eleventy-first birthday, instead of fireworks, Bilbo initially asked Gandalf if he could bring the band that plays Dream Police to perform a concert at the party.

This enraged Gandalf however, as Bilbo Baggins took him for some conjurer of Cheap Trick.

Bilbo was surprised to wake one morning, and find that a Tesco had been built right next to his house

It was an unexpected item in the Baggins area

Whenever I take out the trash I always say to my wife “bilbo”

That way she knows to put a new baggins

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In Bilbo Baggins' old age, he develops an addiction to Viagra.

For many years, he tries his hardest to break his bad habit, but he just can't seem to stop. Eventually, he overdoses on Viagra and dies.

The moral of the story: Old hobbits die hard.

What do you get when you mix Frodo, Bilbo and a cyborg police officer?

Frobo Cop.

Fellowship of the ring

As the fellowship of the ring was being formed Bilbo had been eavisdropping outside of the meeting, not being able to help his curiosity.
He had heard young Frodo take upon himself the burden of the ring, Sam, Merry and Pippin joining him on the foolish quest. Aragorn, Gimli, Legolas and Boromir ...

Sauron tortures a hobbit.

Sauron captured Bilbo Baggins and tried to torture him to tell where the magic ring was hidden. Soon the hobbit blurted out "I think Gollum has it!"

Then Sauron captured Gollum and tortured him, but the old evil and corrupted hobbit wouldn't talk.

It turns out bad hobbits are hard to...

What do you call a Hobbit who isn't over their Ex?

Bilbo Baggage.

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Reddit, what is your best cheesy joke?

I'm talking the jokes that you find insanely hilarious, and everyone else just either groans or stares blankly when you tell it. I'll start.

'Been teaching hobbits how to play cricket. Bilbo's good at catching, but he can't really Frodo.'

Every. Fucking. Time.

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I think my friend might be gay

I went over to his house to watch Lord of the Rings, anyway do you remember how it begins with Bilbo celebrating his 111th birthday in the shire, reuniting with his old friend, Gandalf, Bilbo reveals that he intends to leave the Shire for one last adventure, and he leaves his inheritance, including ...

- To conclude your job interview, what are your favorite hobbies?

- Bilbo, Frodo and Samsagaz.

What do you call a hobbit who’s a savvy shopper?

Bilbo Bargains

Just bought the extended version of The Hobbit.

Bilbo is 7' 6" now.

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