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Happy Ending Jokes

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Happy Endings...

There's a middle aged guy - getting a bit fat and bald now, got a gimpy leg so he's walking with a cane - his wife just gave up trying to get horny and sent him out to find his fun somewhere else.

So he arrives at a brothel he'd heard about - pretty tall, a townhouse, very plain looking outsi...

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Reporter doing an interview

A famous TV reporter was doing a report on location in Uzbekistan about the local customs of the people of Uzbekistan. During his report he interviewed one of the local town elders and asked him:

"Tell me a story about somthing that has happened in your life that you will never ever forget as...

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A man goes to a massage parlor looking for a happy ending...

A man goes to a massage parlor looking for a happy ending.

He goes inside and meets with his massage therapist, a middle-aged Asian woman who is not wholly unattractive. She takes him into the room, lights a few candles and leaves the room so he can undress. He does so and lies down on the ta...

I can't stand those 'happy ending' massage parlors

Those places just rub me the wrong way

I went to a Jewish massage parlor and asked my masseuse for a happy ending.

So she gave me a 10% discount off my visit.

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Did you hear about the musical based on Death of a Salesman that had a happy ending?

It’s called How to Succeed in Business without Willy Dying...

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A TV crew went to interview the oldest man living in a small village

"Can you tell us what was the happiest moment you can remember?"

"That was when Mary Jones got lost on the hills over there. We organized a search party and when we found her we were so happy that we had a special celebration, everybody got drunk and all the men in the village fucked Mary Jon...

When I was young, at bedtimes...

My mum used to tell me fairy stories with a happy ending. Just one of the
benefits of having a masseuse as a parent I guess.

A girl goes to a movie theatre…

…with her dog.
The movie didn’t have a happy ending and many people were crying at the end of the movie and her dog was crying as well. A lady sitting next to her saw the dog crying and said “That’s absolutely amazing. I can’t believe your dog is crying”

She responded: “I can’t believe e...

While I don’t believe Belichick is rooting for Brady, I absolutely believe Bob Kraft wants Brady to win one more before he retires...

What can I say? Bob Kraft just loves a happy ending.

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I always skip to the end whenever I watch new porn for the first time.

I don’t like getting involved with a story unless I know it has a happy ending.

What does going to the massage parlor and watching a Hallmark Channel movie have in common?

You always know you’re getting a happy ending.

Money can't buy you happiness

But it can buy you happy ending

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Porn movies are positive movies:

No murder,
No war,
No fight,
No conspiracy,
No cheating,
No racism,
No religious fanatics,
No language problem,
No crying or teasing,
Good cooperation,
Good coordination,
Natural acting,
Everybody enjoys the climax,
Lots of love,
...

What's the difference between Disneyland America and Disneyland Thailand?

In Thailand, you pay extra for the happy ending with each ride.

One of those seedy massage parlors opened up across my kid’s school.

After couple of months of outrage and protesting. We finally did it and closed that school down.

I know what you’re thinking, finally a happy ending OC joke.

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Why is a massage like a fairy tale?

They're both better with a happy ending.

Side note- female here, was having a non-sexual massage in a mall yesterday, from a little Asian lady who was probably in her late 50s. Somehow it was almost a happy ending, although unintentionally on both sides. As I was lying there wondering what t...

Why have the Patriots won so many Super Bowls?

Because the owner really likes a happy ending.

Because Corona, the red light district in Amsterdam is now closed. My biggest fear has now come true.

When this whole story started, I was afraid there would be no happy ending.

People say that massages can calm down pets, so I gave my dog a massage

He didn’t seem all that into it, not sure if it was the candles or the smooth jazz.

My proctogogist won't take my phone calls anymore.

I guess saying "What, no happy ending!" isn't proper exam room etiquette.

What do Tom Brady and Robert Kraft still have in common?

They go to Florida for happy endings

Sister Ya lived in communist China

Although the church was allowed there, it lived under the rule of the CCP. The more the good sister saw, the less she could ignore. It started small, ministering people with verses dedicated to freedom and truth. But the oppression became more than she could bear. She started hiding pro-democracy pa...

I got great life advice from the old asian lady at the massage parlor

"If you want Happy Ending, don't pick young pretty girl."

I went to a massage parlor today...

When it was time for the happy ending, I finished in 20 seconds. The massause said I need to come more often.

Guy goes to get a massage for the first time. What is he happy about?

All the things he didn't know he kneaded.




Edit: Thought about it more. Initial phrasing was to bait out "happy ending" responses, but I feel like this would probably be better:

Guy goes to get a massage for the first time. What was he surprised by?

How much was knead...

I finally married my masseuse.

I love happy endings.

Now that the Wild Boars are all safe...

...Thailand maintains its reputation of happy endings.

Four students decide to skip an exam

Four students were attending law college and were quite used to cheating and exploiting to get better grades. Their final exam was due tomorrow and they wanted to get some extra time to hopefully enhance their grades.

The plan was simple: don’t show up tomorrow, spend the whole day learning ...

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So I was at a massage parlor...

During the "happy ending" the lady kept saying

"Wow, your dick is sooooo huge, its the biggest I've ever felt!"

I told her "I appreciate it, miss, but we both know you are just pulling my leg"

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