UPJOKE
greennessgreenishverdantgrassylawnherbageweedemeraldherbdslsedgreencaregivergoodishbetter

"Doc, I can't stop singing The Green, Green Grass of Home. He said: 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome.' 'Is it common?' I asked.

It's not unusual' he replied.

Ive seen this place, filled with hills and green grass, people party and eat and just chill out. They live for hundreds of years in peace. Virtually no crime. sunshine most days, nice families, quaint neighbourhood...

anyone else notice there are no black hobbits in the shire?

My parents allways warned me to never ho through the cellar door and one day when i was fifteen i pushed it open and saw some incredible things i never saw before...

Like trees, and birds, green grass and the sun, my god it was beautiful.

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The old bull and the young bull

An old bull and a young bull were lying on top of a hill. Below them was a beautiful field of green grass filled with many cows.

The young bull says to the old bull, let’s run down there and fuck a cow!

The old bull replies, let’s walk down there and fuck them all

What do we learn from cows, buffaloes and elephants?

It’s impossible to reduce weight by eating green grass and salads and walking

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A man went to the doctor with a strange complaint.

A man went to the doctor with a strange complaint.

"Well it's like this Doc, when I drive to work in the morning through the country lanes I start to sing 'The green green grass of home'. If I see a cat then it's 'What's new, pussy cat?'. It's so embaracing, even when I'm asleep and dreaming,...

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A rabbit one day managed to break free from a laboratory

where he had been born and brought up. As he scurried away from the fencing of the compound, he felt grass under his little feet and saw the dawn breaking for the first time in his life.


"WOW! This is great," he thought. It wasn’t long before he came to a hedge and, after squeezing ...

Italian, French and Indian went for a job interview at call center

Before the interview, they were told that they must compose a sentence in English with three main words: green, pink and yellow.

The Italian was first: "I wake up in the morning, I see the yellow sun, I see the green grass and I think to myself: I hope it will be a pink day."

The Frenc...

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Can't get this song out of my head...

A man is diligently at work when he realizes he's been humming "What's New, Pussycat?" for the last several hours. As he starts thinking about it, he realizes he has a hard time thinking of anything else.

Perturbed, he goes back to work and after a long day of accomplishing little, goes home...

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Tom Jones Syndrome

This guy went to his doctor and said,

“Doc, I can’t stop singing certain songs. All morning I’ve been humming ‘The Green, Green Grass Of Home.’ Yesterday it was, ‘Delilah.’ Last week I sang ‘What’s New Pussycat?’ at least 100 times! What’s wrong with me?”

The Doctor says, “Sounds ...

Three men are trying to enter America for the first time

and are coming from Germany, China, and the Dominican Republic. They are told that they can become a citizen if they use the words green, pink, and yellow in a sentence.

The German is up first. He says, “I love looking at pink and yellow flowers in the green grass, it looks beautiful.” His s...

Might have been Dr. Spaceman.

A woman walks into the doctor's and says, "Doctor I can't stop singing these two songs, is there anything wrong with me?"

The doctor says, "What songs are they?"

"'Delilah' and 'The Green Green Grass Of Home,'" the woman says.

The doctor says, "You have the Tom Jones Syndrome."<...

A Pony in Striped Pyjama

A zebra lived her whole life in a zoo but was getting on in age, so the zoo decided to let her spend her final years on a farm. The zebra was excited to see a huge pasture with green grass and hills and many strange animals.


She went up to a fat brown thing and said, "I'm a zebra, what ar...

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A man comes home very drunk late at night...

So this guy has been drinking with his buddies all night and he's as drunk as a skunk, gets home, falls up the stairs, undresses and goes to bed next to his wife. He falls asleep and next thing he knows, *bang*, he dies and finds himself waiting at the pearly gates.

The guy refuses to believe...

There once was a big, strong bull...

There once was this big, strong bull. Had a ring in his nose, big horns and he went by the name of Hannibal. He had a field to himself with green grass, small dandelions and a fence. One day, the farmer brings some pretty cute cows and puts them in the field next to Hannibal.

So the bull wal...

A British fellow just doesn't understand why people like cricket.

He tries, he tries so hard. He knows it's his national sport. He also doesn't care much for football and rugby, and always feels left out at the pub. Then one day, he comes in early for a pint, and there's this strange game on the screen. "What's that game up there, Albert?" Albert looks baffled, "w...

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Tiger Woods Goes Golfing With a Black Bear

One morning, Tiger Woods goes to his usual golf course to play a morning round of 18 and notices a black bear approaching him from the woods off the first tee. Alarmed, Tiger starts to retreat when the bear casually asks Tiger what he's doing. Having never spoken to a black bear before, Tiger was ...

Top 10 worst jokes!

The 20 Worst Jokes Ever!

1.Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The Ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.


2.A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve You, but don't start anything."


3.Two peanuts walk into a ba...

[LONG] A zebra dies and goes to heaven...

A zebra dies and goes to heaven. When he reaches the pearly gates, St. Peter welcomes him inside and shows him around. There was everything there that could make a zebra happy for eternity. Lush green grass, crystal clear waters, rolling pastures as far as the eye could see, and plenty of lady zebra...

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