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Fortune Telling Jokes

A 3'3" man owns a fortune telling Parlor

He is a very famous psychic and he knew he could rob a bank, take the money and make a clean get away.

The police never caught him. Probably had something to do with the headline.

"SMALL MEDIUM AT LARGE!"

I considered a career in fortune telling.

But, I couldn't see a future in it.

I held up by TSA because I packed a deck of fortune telling cards

They must have thought I was a taroist

A man visits a wise man and meets his three daughters...

He's staying for the night and each of the girls come to him in turn to offer their hospitality.

The first one tells him her name is June because she was born in June. She is well practiced in fortune telling and gives him advice on the future.

The second one tells him her name is Augu...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Fortune Teller

Guy walks into a bar and sees a machine in the corner labeled "The Fortune Teller". He asks the bartender what it does. The bartender says, "You put in a dollar and get a cup. Go piss in the cup, put it back in the machine and it'll tell you your fortune ...and it's never wrong." The guy replies "Bu...

Mother Superior is travelling

Mother Superior was traveling by bus with a young novice nun.

They had to change buses in anothyer city.

They had packed a lunch and found a bench in the bus station to spread their lunch on a cloth between them.

As they ate the young novice noticed a large scale in a corner t...

Once upon a time, there was a trainee fortune teller...

Once upon a time, there was a trainee fortune teller called Sarah who hoped to learn the proper skills of divination by training alongside a renowned fortune teller, Madame Lointain (for, in these times, it was customary for each village to have a fortune teller).


After having studied for...

A ventriloquist is worried about his future so he goes to see his agent...

His bookings have dried up because his act seems a little old hat. His agent tells him he should go into fortune telling. Its very popular he says.

So the ventriloquist gets some training and meets his first client. He tells her for $10 he'll tell her about her financial future. For $20 he'll...

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