So i asked a ouija board for the name of my future wife

Wtf kinda name is hahaha

The other day I decided to buy a Ouija board

I wanted to see if I could get in touch with deceased celebrities that havent crossed over yet.

The only celebrity I could get in touch with was Stephen Hawkings.

I asked him a few questions including why he was a ghost and how come he had not gone to the after life yet?"

Turns ...

I made a Ouija board..

..it was disappointing.Not even dead people want to talk to me

If you write an entire book using a Ouija board, you get all the credit...

Since it was technically written by a ghost writer?

A group of friends decide to use an Ouija board

So they set up and start asking questions.

“Is there anyone here?”

The planchette moves to yes.

“How did you die?”

The planchette spells out a sentence.

I-W-A-S-K-I-S-S-E-D.

The friends look at each other, confused. “You were... kissed?!”

The planchet...

[using Ouija board] "yo Brad, can you hear us?"

[Brad responding...]


*W*

*W*

*A*

*A*

*A*

*A*

*A*

*A*

*Z*

*Z*

*Z*

...
#
“this is gonna take a while, Brad died in 1999.”

I use a Ouija board as a chopping board

That’s how I make my soul food.

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I bought a Ouija board recently from a strange old man...

I got it home, laid out the pieces and before I could even ask it a question the planchette started to move around, it eventually spelt

I'VE GOT A MESSAGE TO YOU


'What is your message?' I asked.

YOU SHOULD BE DANCING

Fear started flushing over me, 'Why s...

I used an Ouija Board today.

"Hello, is anyone there?"

*Y*

*O*

*U*

*U*

*U*

*U*

"Ah damnit, this is a Soulja Board"

What language do anti vax kids speak in?

Ouija board

My wife and I tried using a ouija board.

She refuses to believe that i'm not intentionally moving the planchette. I cant help that any time she asks it a question it replies with "GIVE ANAL".

I tried asking a Ouija Board for the name of my future wife.

The planchette kept moving from H to A and back. What kind of name is Hahaha?

I like Ouija boards

It's the only game I can still play with grandma.

My son won't play with the Ouija board I got him.

I even tried it by his grave-nothing

Using a Ouija board, I tried to communicate with the dead. It spelled out "Ah ah ah yeah, stayin' alive, stayin' alive"...

Must have bought a Bee Gee board by mistake...

I recently bought a ouija board the other day, I asked a question: “hello, is anybody there?” The reply I got was: “Y. O. U. U. U. U. U

Guess I accidentally bought a soulja board

Why did the chicken get an ouija board?

To contact those who had crossed over to the other side.

The anti-phonetic alphabet

I've been making a list for months of words that can be used to deliberately confuse people over the phone when phonetically reading out letters. Some letters like L are tough so I just added funny words to say.

A - aisle

B - bdellium

C - czar

D - Djibouti, Django, djemb...

In desperation I’ve been trying to meet girls through my Ouija Board

But they keep ghosting me

How do anti vaxxers talk to their children?

Through a medium or an ouija board.

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My friend and his girlfriend loved sexting, so I bought him a gift so they could always stay in contact.

In hindsight her funeral probably wasn’t the best time to give him the Ouija Board.

Two kids are playing with an Ouija Board

Kid 1: Spirits are you here with us, tonight?

The piece that tells you the answer went to yes

Kid 2: Wow, these really do work

Kid 1: Spirts, why are you here?

Then the piece that tells you the answer went to “Y” then it went to “O” then it went to “U” it went off of “U” ...

Alphabetti Spaghetti makes a handy ouija board...

...for contacting people who've pasta way.

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Three men consult a Ouija board to speak with a demon

The first man asks "What is your name?"

The planchette doesn't move.

Thinking the demon must not like the first man, the second man also asks "What is your name?"

The planchette refuses to move. However, a faint growling echoes from behind them.

After an uncomfortable fe...

I bought a German Ouija board.

It's a Jaja board.

I've been messing about with my ouija board and i asked it if i was gonna get laid tonight.

The pointer keeps gliding between the H and the A. It's been half an hour now....

My friend really believes he's talking to ghosts when using a Ouija board

But I just think it's a pseudo seance

Why is Mario so scared of Spanish ghosts?

He’s been playing with “La Ouija” too much.

Karens husband dies...

Karens husband dies. After a few days, she starts missing him, so she buys an Ouija board and contacts her husband.

Karen: Honey, can you listen to me?

Husband: Yes

Karen: Are you happy in afterlife?

Husband: Yes

Karen: Is it better than your life on earth?

...

I received a message last night from an unknown source that read, “I’ll be there in five minutes, and then we are going to get freaky.” I was terrified, but luckily it turns out it was meant for someone else.

Either way, I done using Ouija Boards.

Can I talk to my son?

A father was nervously waiting for the risky surgery of his son to end. When he saw the doctor come out of the operating room he asked him: Doctor, could I talk to my son? So the doctor reassuringly responds: Of course. Nurse! Bring this man a ouija board!

How to communicate effectively with your teenage son as an anti-vaxxer:

1. Ouija Board

Just heard the new song “Stayin’ Dead”

By the Ouijas

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My girlfriend has been ignoring my attempts to communicate with her. I think she has been ghosting me for several weeks now all because I asked her to send nudes.

So I said screw it, I’m done trying to communicate and threw out my Ouija board.

How do you communicate with the spirit of a Viking warrior?

With a Nor-Ouija board.

I was feeling confused, and I needed answers. I needed to just ask the things that have been bothering me to someone.

In retrospect, I probably shouldn't have used the Ouija board.

How does Mario contact the spirit realm?

With a L-Ouija board.

I donated some old board games to my local daycare.

Hope those kids like Ouija Boards...

On the the 31st of October...

A group of friends were playing with an Ouija board in the attic of one of their houses. They lit 4 candles around the board and placed their hands on the planchet.

One of them asks: "Oh spirit of the board, how will I die?"
Silence followed...

Another asks: "Oh spirit of the boar...

What device does Mario use to communicate with the dead?

A Lou-ouija board.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Death awaits

4 friends are hanging out at an abandon hospital. Their names are Eric, David, Stacy, and Mohammad. Eric is an outgoing guy who will often spend his weekends stunt driving. David just got out of basic training, Stacy is a professional swimmer, and Mohammad makes coffins for a living, and in his free...

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