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Foreign Language Jokes

The first sentence you should learn when learning a foreign language...

my friend is paying.

Foreign Language

A Swiss man, looking for directions, pulls up at a bus stop where two Englishmen are waiting.
"Entschuldigung, koennen Sie Deutsch sprechen?" he says.
The two Englishmen just stare at him.
"Excusez-moi, parlez vous Francais?" The two continue to stare.
"Parlare Italiano?" No resp...

My parents asked my why i was suddenly learning a foreign language?

I told them, "No one expects the Spanish Inquisition "

People always ask me if I know any foreign languages...

I feel like saying no will make me look stupid, so I say: “Well, I do know a little Hebrew.”

This always surprises people, since Hebrew doesn’t seem like a popular language: “Oh really?!” They always reply.

To that I respond: “Yeah, he’s about 4 feet tall.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[NSFW] The rooster decided to enroll in a foreign language class down on the farm...

Should I learn to speak horse, or cow, he wondered. Or pig? Finally, he decided he would learn to speak turkey.

When he came home from class, however he was crying. Mama hen asked him, " did something happen at school today?"

"Yes Mama, I had to file a sexual harassment claim against m...

My grandad used to say "If it wasn't for me, you'd all be speaking German right now"

Lovely man, terribly bad foreign language teacher. No idea why the school hired him.

Cat Attack

A mother mouse and a baby mouse are walking along, when all of a sudden, a cat attacks them. The mother mouse goes, "Bark!" and the cat runs away. "See?" says the mother mouse to her baby. "Now do you see why it's important to learn a foreign language?"

A man is walking with his child on the street when a tourist approaches him asking

- "Parlez vous francais?"
Our man looks surprised and says nothing. The tourist changes the language:
- "Sprechen Sie Deutsch?"
Again, no response. The tourist tries his luck once more:
- "Habla español?"
Seeing that he receives no answer, the tourist moves on.

The child,...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There is a new teacher of foreign language in Pepes class

The teacher writes sentences in foreign language on blackboard. Then she calls up the students one by one and asks them for translation until its Pepes turn. Before he can respond they can hear loud knocking.

It is a headmaster. As the teacher is new to her job and freshly graduated the head...

Why do perverts pick Latin as their first foreign language?

It's vulgar.

Imagine being in a room

Imagine being completely naked in a room where everyone is several times your height, everyone speaks a foreign language, and they all want to touch you.

This is the life of a dog.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A British Jew is to be knighted by the King.

He is to kneel in front of him and recite a sentence in Latin when he taps him on the shoulders with his sword. However, when his turn comes, he panics in the excitement of the moment and forgets the Latin. Then, thinking fast, he recites the only other sentence he knows in a foreign language, which...

A mouse is running away from a cat.

Just before the cat catches it, the mouse sees a small hole in the floor and manages to slip in. So it sits there, trembling in terror, not knowing if the cat is away or not.

Suddenly it hears loud barking - *Woof! Woof!*

'Oh, great,' the mouse tells itself. 'A dog came, chased the cat...

A supposedly true story

One day, in Great Britain, two Muslim schoolgirls were chatting away to each other in a foreign language on a public bus. The man sitting in front of them turned around and said, "This is England. Speak English." The woman in front of him turned around and said, "Actually, this is Wales and they're ...

Three sheep are in a meadow

The first one says, “baaa”

The second one says, “baaa”

The third says, “moo”

The first one says, “what did you say!?”

The third one says, “Sorry. I’m currently studying a foreign language.”

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said “moo” and the second cow said, “Baaaa.”

The first cow asked the second cow, “Why did you say baaaa?”

The second cow said, “I’m learning a foreign language.”

A man came into a doctor's office with a hacking up a lung, coughing up gobs of mucous into a handkerchief.

The staff tried to find out what was wrong and get more info from the man but he was clearly speaking a foreign language and no one could seem to identify what it was. A nurse happened to walk by the man and heard what was going on. She immediately got on her phone and soon a translator was at the m...

Person goes to the university ...

says "I want to sign up for all your foreign language classes."
They say "We teach dozens of different language's - you want to learn all of them? why?" They reply "I'm a Vegan and I want to be sure I'll be able to tell every single person I meet.

A large multinational company puts out an application for a secretary.

A golden retriever applies for the job, passes the written test and is scheduled for an interview. At the interview the interviewer asks, "Can you speak any foreign languages?"

And the golden retriever says, "Meow."

They should offer a class on speaking the truth in high school

It'd be a great way to earn a foreign language credit.

One time I was an ESOL instructor...

For those who don’t know, ESOL indicates that English is a second or foreign language. In my class, I had a student who barely spoke English, and when I mean barely spoke, I mean he had difficulties with basic colours.

So during my office hours, the student comes to my office for some extra h...

The foreign tourist

Hank and Frank are walking down the street. A flustered-looking guy comes up to them and asks,

"Parlez-vous français?" (Do you speak French?)

They stare at him. He tries again,

"Sprechen Sie Deutsch?" (Do you speak German?)

They shrug.

"Hablas español?" (Do you spe...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Kid learns "fancy" words. #1

young Tommy had gotten in trouble at school one day and after a series of events was on the verge of being expelled from his elementary school. To save face the boy's parents invited the superintendent and a few select teacher's over for dinner to discuss Tommy's future at the school. The young boy ...

A man spots an empty beach as he frantically searches for a place to land his plane.

He's run out fuel but he is a skilled enough pilot to guide his aircraft down and gracefully crash into the sand. He comes in at a small angle and exits his vehicle without a scratch on him.

"Damn it, what could have gone wrong?" He ponders for a short while before he starts assessing the da...

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