Went to a nice restaurant with my 10 year-old and ordered a pricey entree. She asked me how it was, and I said “It’s just how I make it at home”.

She said “C’mon dad, it can’t be that bad”

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I was desperate and I couldn't get a date with a girl to save my life until...

I swiped right on a blind date, a profile picture. She asked me to pick her up, so i did, but I wasn't expecting much. I went up to the door expecting 400 lbs of desperation, but she answer the door 5 foot 2 with baby blue eyes, strawberry blonde curls and all the right curves in all the right place...

Wedding anniversary gifts can be pricey: 5 year celebration gift is Silverware, 15 years are Rubies and Pearls are 30. Now, at 31 years there is finally one I can get behind,

we're going to Baskin-Robbins.

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Older gentleman walks into the brothel...

... He walks towards the brothel mama, as she greets him he says:

"I would like something special"

She looks at him with judging eye:

"Well we have something nobody else has, but it's quite pricey, are you sure you want it?"

He smiles:

"Don't worry, money are not p...

Pricey set of teeth

A tourist was admiring a tribal necklace at a gift shop during her honeymoon in India.

"What is it made of?" she asked.

"Crocodile teeth" the salesman beamed.

"I suppose," she said patronizingly, "that crocodile teeth mean as much to you as pearls do to us"

"Of course not...

Two old men are sitting in the lounge chatting.

The one says,” You should try the restaurant my wife and I went to last night. Pricey but well worth the money.“

“Oh, what’s it called?” asks the other man enthusiastically.

His friend thinks for a minute,” Uhm…I…er…”

Obviously having a senior moment he says,” What’s that flower...

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Free food isn't always the best

Tiffany and her coworkers are all servers and busboys at a busy seafood restaurant. Most of the food is higher end, and the plates can be pricey. The staff sees no problem with cleaning up the patrons' scraps, because they graze the leftovers at the same time.

A regular, Charlie, a man in h...

A teenager asks his crush out to prom

She agrees, but she has three stipulations:

First, he has to get himself a tailor-made suit.

Second, he needs to pick her up in a limousine.

Third, she wants a large bouquet of roses waiting for her in said limousine.



Determined, the teenager starts with the fi...

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A husband forgot to buy his wife a Christmas present...

So early on Christmas morning the man quietly gets up and rushes to Walgreens to find something.

In the store, he runs to the only worker and describes his situation. He wants to get his wife something quickly and get home before she wakes up and notices he’s gone.

The worker underst...

A man walks into a Toy shop...

He walks up to a shop assistant and asks what Barbie dolls the store has as he needs a gift for his daughter, the assistant replies "Come with me and I'll show you". The store assistant brings the man to the Barbie aisle and says "we have a hairdresser Barbie for £20, a BMX Barbie for £35, a footba...

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A Woman walks into a sex shop to buy a dildo

"I want that one.." She points to a massive display of dildos on the wall.


The manager picks up one of the best sellers: "This is one of our popular models. It feels very real."


She points back to the wall & says.."No. I want that one..." So, the manager picks up another on...

A man is travelling with his wife and mother-in-law in Israel

Sadly, the mother-in-law passes away as they reach their destination. The wife is struck by grief, and so the man takes it upon himself to arrange the funeral. The wife silently hopes that they can bring the remains back to their home-country, but leaves everything in the hands of the husband.
<...

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So two guys pick up a prostitute

They take her back to the hotel and start talking prices.

"How much for a handjob?" They ask.

"Its $100, each"

Thry think thats a bit pricey but decide what the hell and give her the $200. Afterwards they're excited and horny so they decide to step it up and ask, "How much f...

The Toy Store

A woman and her child are at a toy store for her girl's birthday. "What do you want, sweetie?" "Barbie" the child murmurs. "That's cute, let's go get you a Barbie." So they ask the store clerk where to get the Barbies, and she leads them to a large shelf full of them. She begins listing them off. "F...

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