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E Sport Jokes

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doping olympics [translated from an old Russian anecdote, 2007]

Good day! We are reporting live from our special Olympics. At our Olympics there's no doping control at all. Yes, you heard it right, sportsmen are NOT tested for doping. Absolutely. So...


- Finnish sportsman has jumped 27 meters. A very good result indeed for a chess player.

- 13 ...

There was a snail named Sam

He was friends with a worm named Juan.
One day, he told Juan,” You know, I’m gonna buy myself a nice sports car, with an S on the hood, for Sam!”

“No way, you can’t afford that!” Juan said.

That afternoon, Juan couldn’t believe his eyes! Driving down the boulevard was Sam in his swe...

A little known fact about Jim Jones is that he was an aspiring boxer

He quit the sport after taking out 900 people with one punch

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A man dies and meets God before going to heaven

God asks the man if he’s ever been unfaithful to his wife, to which the man replies that he has cheated several times. God then tells the man that in the afterlife the man will only be given an old, crappy car to drive.

Another man dies that day and meets God. God asks the man the same quest...

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The Corporate Ladder

A recent study in USA have found an interesting relationship between a man social status and the sport he watches

1. The sport of choice for the urban poor is BASKETBALL
2. The sport of choice for maintenance level employee is BOWLING
3. The sport of choice for front line workers is Ame...

A boss calls a meeting to discuss employees taking sick days when they aren’t sick.

He had suspected that this had been happening, but he finally had his proof. He held up a copy of the newspaper, and in the sports section, there was an article about an employee, who had supposedly been sick, winning a golf tournament.

“Wow” said someone in the back. “Imagine the score he co...

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I was talking to my uncle about his high school years


He said when he started high school he was the biggest trouble maker in the school. He cut classes, got in fights, smoked in the bathroom, etc etc. Said he spent half his freshmen year sitting outside the principal’s office.

Eventually he got expelled and his parents had no choice but to sen...

A middle schooler was told he needed a jockstrap and cup...

...for flag football.

He had some allowance saved so decided to go to the sporting goods store to purchase the necessary items.

He really had no idea what he was supposed to buy so he asked the lady at the counter for assistance.

"She says, "So you need a jockstrap and a ...

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I bumped into an old school friend today

I bumped into an old school friend today. He started showing off, talking about his well paid job and expensive sports car.

Then he pulled out a photo of his wife and said, "She's beautiful, isn't she?"

I said, "If you think she's gorgeous, you should see my girlfriend."

He said...

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A girl gets pregnant

So when the father finds out he loses it and tells his daughter to call the father and tell him to come here immediately. After an hour an expensive sports car pulls infront of the house and a well dressed man gets out of the car. As soon as he gets in, he starts talking:

"Okay i know about t...

Superbowl party!? Or superb Owl party?!

As a fun intellectual alternative to the sports balls.

LONG : An elderly man on a Moped, looking about 100 years old, pulls up next to a doctor at a street light.



Looking at the shiny car ,the old man asks the doctor "What ya driving there sonny?

The doctor replies, “1500+hp Porsche. It cost half a million dollars!


'Why does it cost so much?' Says the old man.


'Because this car can do up to 320 miles an hour!' state...

An old snail walks into a car dealership

An old snail walks into a car dealership and tells the salesman he's looking for the flashiest, most expensive sports car he's got. The old snail explains he's been working hard and saving his whole life and this car is to be his reward.

The salesman is thrilled and shows the old snail a brig...

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An American visiting Spain visited a local restaurant on Sunday. He asked the waiter about the the "Daily Special Cojones".

An American visiting Spain visited a local restaurant on Sunday. He asked the waiter about the the "Daily Special Cojones".

The waiter says, "Señor, every Sunday during bullfight season, we sell Cojones in honor of the bull fights. So yes, today we are selling bull testicles. We know the spor...

The blonde's bet

Bob walked into his favorite sports bar around 9:58 PM. He sat down next to a blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV.

The 10 PM news was coming on. The news crew was covering the story of a man on the ledge of a large building preparing to jump. The blonde looked at Bob and said:"Do you th...

Meeting the Parents.

Mortified doesn't describe how Jane's parents felt after meeting her boyfriend. He sported vile tattoos, swore and just had a hostile air about him.

After he left, the mother said, "Dear, he doesn't seem like a very nice person."

"Mom," Jane said, "if he wasn't nice, why would he be do...

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Getting screwed

A traveler knocked on the door of the house where a cab driver had told him that he could be sexually accommodated.

An eye-level panel slid open and a female voice asked what he wanted.

"I want to get screwed," said the salesman.

"OK, mister, but this is a private club, so slip ...

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Franz was reading his book on death row...

It was the ‘storm of the century’. On death row, Franz was reading his religious texts, looking for God, even as the inmates of the neighbouring cells were having an explosive argument about who should get to shower first. ’14 days to execution’, Franz thought, as he physically and mentally trembled...

Two Blondes....

Two blondes are walking down a road, one has a large sports bag.
1st blonde: "What have you got in that bag?"

2nd blonde: "Chickens."

1st blonde: "If I can guess how many chickens you've got in that bag, can I have one of them?"

2nd blonde: "If you can guess how many chickens...

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My friend is very involved in the German Blackbird Racing league

My friend Hans is very involved in the German Blackbird Racing league. He's always whooping and hollering at every race, and now most of his friends call him "Woo!". Despite his enthusiasm for the sport, he's not very creative. He mostly just numbers his birds, and never takes our advice on names....

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A Single Guy Moves From New York City to the DEEP Country

He is so tired of city life he decides to move to the middle of nowhere and try something new. He buys a plot of land with a small farmhouse and 100 acres.

As he is unpacking his UHaul, he sees an old beat up truck kicking up dust down the dirt road. The truck turns on his lane and a man ge...

Once upon a time a lonely ant met a handsome fish.

Once upon a time a lonely ant met a handsome fish. Despite everyone telling them it was wrong, they fell in love.

One day they eloped and moved into a cottage by a pond. Their only neighbor was Mr. Frog

They lived many happy years together and then something unexpected happened; they h...

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Three men are standing at the pearly gates...

St. Peter tells them, "As you all know God has a sense of humor and his latest idea is to put the Kingdom of Heaven several hundred miles from the Pearly Gates."
"How is that supposed to be funny?" one guy asks.
"Well, God had the novel idea of allowing those admitted into Heaven a vehicle to...

A guy dies and goes to hell.

Satan welcomes him warmly and shakes his hand. He is given the keys to a gorgeous apartment, where he finds a brand new set of golf clubs, and a membership to the ritzy Hades Golf Club. He has servants to look after his every need.

In the garage is a brand new sports car and the fridge is sto...

A monk decides to take up the art of swordplay.

Taking some time off from the Buddhist monastery, he trains with his fencing teacher, learning all the positions, attacks and defenses, and generally becomes fairly proficient at the sport. His teacher encourages him to take up the competition circuit, as there is little left she can teach the monk....

Try at your own risk.

Foreign tourist: What is the greatest adventure sport in India?

Indian man: \*Looks sadly at ring on his hand\* Arranged marriage.

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3 guys die

They go to heavean and the angle there tells them they will go to heavean depending on the relationship they had with their wife. The first man comes up and says I was horrible I cheated on her 5 times. The angel says ok here is this old tractor he goes up in the old tractor. The next guy comes up ...

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