Call Of Duty Jokes - 43 Hilarious Call Of Duty Jokes

My friends call me 007 when i play call of duty with them.

0 Kills

0 Assist

7 Deaths

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Call of Duty is like the Boy Scouts,

everyone's gay, and there's a lot of camping.

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Adolf Hitler has never touched Call of Duty...

...and yet, he still has a better KDR than me.

This guy on Call of Duty said he was going to own me just like he owned my mom last night...

... Joke's on him. I have two dads.

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What's the difference between my porn stash and Call of Duty?

One is full of screaming 10 year old boys and the other is Call of Duty.

I bought the new Call of Duty WWII in France.

But for some reason, I can only be a spectator.

Once Chuck Norris threw a knife in Call of Duty

And killed someone in Battlefield

What is Jeffrey Epstein’s favorite killstreak in Call of Duty?

The Predator Missile.

Call of Duty is the most environmentally friendly video game franchise.

... because each game is made from 90% recycled material.

What do you call a Call of Duty player's instant rap single?

A Flash-Banger

Women are like the Call of Duty games.

If you play them for too long, you'll end up alone.

A kid is playing video games in his room, minding his own business. His mother walks in. "Honey, come meet my new boyfriend!" "I'm kind of busy right now. Can you bring him in here instead?"

A minute or so later, her boyfriend walks in. "Hey, champ! How you doing?"

The kid ignores him.

"Don't like champ, huh? That's fine. How about BlueDragon72?"

The kid turns his head quickly. "I haven't heard that name since I was ten..." He then realized. "It can't be.."

"...

Why is call of duty infinite warfare set in space?

Because nobody liked it on earth.

My mom got upset at me for mercy killing my brother when we were playing Call of Duty

I don’t understand

He didn’t even struggle when I pressed the pillow over his face

Kim Jong un would be great at call of duty

If team kills counted twords the "nuke" scorestreak

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A proctologist decided to take the day off and play Call of Duty, there were lots of newbies in the server.

He rectum

A Call of Duty player doesn't feel well and goes to the Doc

Doctor: What's your favorite map?

Cod player: Terminal

Doctor: What a coincidence.

Call of Duty Servers

Going Dark.

Recently I've been watching videos of people running sideways in Call of Duty...

They're really D-Pressing!

In a job interview I said, "Last week I only killed 33 people on Call of Duty. Just last night I killed 72."

"What...does that have to do with anything?" asked the guy.

I said, "Well, you asked me if I value progression."

Did you hear about how realistic Call of Duty: WWII is?

Sledgehammer Games rented servers from the 1940s to replicate WWII as accurately as possible

Call of Duty servers

That’s the entire joke. What more did you expect?

What is similar between the life of an Ethiopian kid and the hype of Call Of Duty: Infinite Warfare?

They're practically non existent.

Call of Duty

Military Coup Edition trending in Moscow.

How many Call Of Duty players does it take to change a light bulb?

Both of them.

I heard that ' Call of Duty' has a different name in the Middle East.

They call it "The Sims".

Her (On Tinder): I'm a model on Instagram! What do you do?

Him: I'm a soldier, on Call of Duty.

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I think my brother is actually my step brother

Apparently everyone I played call of duty with fucked my mom

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UK has some weird laws

1. You can join the army at 16. But you can't by call of duty till your 18.
2. You can't vote till your 16 .yet some MPs will Shag you if your under 16.
3. You need parental consent to marry if your under 18. (In England) But can have sex at 16.
4. It is legal to shoot a Scotsman under cer...

Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 is getting released for the second time in Iraq.

They're renaming the game to The Sims 5.

The new Call of Duty just got released in Iraq

They call it the Sims

Note: this technically a repost

Never play with this guy...

A Hispanic guy always tries to play Call of Duty. His friends keep telling him he really shouldn't, his anger gets the best of him.
He logs on one day, and is doing really well. His team keeps winning, and then out of nowhere he's killed. He rage-quits, and comes back after a few days to play aga...

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Hitler must be the best Call of Duty player ever

He killed 6 million and only died once

I knew it was too good to be true. I’ve just found out my wife’s been cheating for TWO YEARS!!

I just knew no one could be that good at Call of Duty without using an aimbot.

What can be smelt and heard from twenty miles away?

My son playing Call of Duty

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I really thought Activision understood that we're sick of modern-day shooters.

And yet in the new Call of Duty they're giving us Nazis to shoot again.

Chewbacca's little cousin

Chewbacca's little cousin joined a group of his peers to compete in order to become co-pilot to one of the resistance's best pilots.

His little cousin went above the call of duty and wound up the best in the group.

What award did he receive?

Wookie of the year

I wanted to make a joke about the new Call of Duty...

...but there are already infinite of them

So here's a Battlefield one instead

Mikey loves tractors

It's coming up to little Mikey's 5th birthday and his dad asks him what he'd like as a present. "TRACTOR" says Mikey. Makes sense, thinks his dad, kids love tractors. So he buys him a little toy tractor and Mikey is over the moon, takes the little tractor with him everywhere.

Coming up to Mik...

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Billy the Tree

Billy the tree aces his SATs at Forest High and ends up with a full college scholarship. The day arrives for him to move halfway across the state. The older trees wish him luck, and they make him promise to write. They wave and cheer as he packs his trunk and leaves.

He arrives at his college...

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Topical Jokes (5/21)

Here we are, once again. It's time for some laugh-words.

First up, we've got some big movie news. "Transformers 4" is now updating its cast. To appeal more to the US box office, the evil Decepticons will be played by menacing vending machines that won't let go of your Doritos.

More mov...

Why was Jesus so bad at Call of Duty?

Because whenever he died, it would take him 3 days to respawn.

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Timmy's Letter To Santa

Dear Santa,

How are you? How is Mrs. Claus? I hope everyone, from the
reindeer to the elves, is fine. I have been a very good boy this year. I
would like an X-Box 360 with Call of Duty IV and an iPhone 4 for
Christmas. I hope you remember that come Christmas Day.

Merry Christm...

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