Why does an exorcist never ask for a down payment?

Because if you don't pay, he'll just repossess your house.

A woman brought her husband to a doctor to try to cure his snoring problem.

Dr.: "it is possible to treat, but it will cost you a lot of money."

Woman: "that's fine, how much will it cost?"

Dr.: "$20,000 down payment, and $250 in monthly intervals for a year."

Woman: "woah, its almost like im buying a sports car!!"

Dr.: "hmm... too obvious, huh?"

Tired of being constantly being broke and stuck in an unhappy marriage a young husband decides to solve both problems by taking out a large insurance policy on his wife, with himself as the beneficiary and arranges to have her killed.

Tired of being constantly being broke and stuck in an unhappy marriage a young husband decides to solve both problems by taking out a large insurance policy on his wife, with himself as the beneficiary and arranges to have her killed. A friend of a friend puts the husband in touch with a nefarious f...

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What sort of compensation do you get from a prostitute?

A going down payment

Smith was a man of cold facts, a scientist, a computer jock, and a confirmed atheist.

He became somewhat obsessed with the desire to prove the truth as he saw it. So he mortgaged his house and sold his car in order to put a down payment on the most powerful computer commercially available. Then Smith plugged it into every data bank in the world, accessed every library in the United S...

A man in is a golf course locker room when...

He hears a cell phone ringing and picks it up

"Hi Honey how was golfing?"

"Good. How is your day going?"

"Good. I was wondering if I could buy this necklace for $250 is that okay?"

"Of course! Put it on my card."

"Since you're in such a good mood, can we get the ne...

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When he turned 13, little Johhny asked his father if he would buy him a new bicycle................ *NSFW*

The father smirked at little Johnny and said to the young man "Well, I don't know son. Does your dick reach your asshole?"
Bewildered, Johnny went to the bathroom to check; coming out with a sad look on his face sobbing "No sir".
"Well, there's your answer son. No, I will not buy you a new bic...

My wife scolded me about how much I drink..

She says... For God sakes! You ever imagine the damage you're doing to your health? Not to mention all the money you've spent? How much money do you think you've spent so far?

I say... Idk.. hic..

She says: how much is a bottle of Jack Honey?

I reply: idk... like $24...

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The bastard frog love child of Mick Jagger

On a wild drunken night after one of his gigs, Mick Jagger gets involved in a really kinky and depraved orgy. Amongst the participants that crazy night was a party loving groupie frog called Freya.
A couple of months later, Freya noticed that one of her new little tadpoles was quite different t...

Money can't buy happiness...

but it makes a great down payment!
~My Grandpa

A Kermit the frog goes to get a loan at a bank.

He gets to the counter and states his request to the teller, Mrs. Whack.

Mrs. Whack: "Can you give a down payment or give us something to hold until your debt is paid off?"

The frog puts a tiny pink elephant on the counter in front of her. Mrs. Whack is very confused.

Kermit: "...

A Rabbi Joke

"Rabbi Schomburg, I need 200 dollars badly for a down payment", said Cohen. "I keep praying to God for help but he doesn't send any!" "The important thing is not to lose faith", the rabbi said. "Just keep praying." After Cohen left, the rabbi felt sorry for him. He decided to give him 100 dollars ou...

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Bit long, but one of the few work appropriate ones I know.

A frog named Kermit Jagger walks into a bank and up to the bank teller whose named Patty Wack.

Kermit: Hi there, I'm Kermit Jagger the son of the famous Mick Jagger and I would like a loan for $30,000 to buy a speed boat.

Patty Wack: Oh ok? Well do you have a down payment?

Kermi...

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