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Donald Duck Jokes

Donald Duck can walk around Disney pantless and everyone loves him

but when I do it, it’s “indecent”?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Donald Duck wanted a divorce for Daisy

His lawyer tells Donald, "I am sorry, but you can't divorce Daisy just because she is insane."

Donald replies, "I never said she was insane. I said that she was fucking Goofy."

My 7 year old son came in from school today and asked me:

"Dad, what kind of mouse can walk on 2 legs?"

"Erm, I don't know" I replied

"Mickey Mouse" he replied laughing

"Dad, what kind of duck can walk on 2 legs"

"Donald Duck" I replied

"No, all ducks you idiot"

Donald Duck has been hanged!

He is now in what we refer to as a state of suspended animation.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Donald Duck and Daisy Duck were spending the night together in a hotel room

-and Donald wanted to have sex with Daisy.

The first thing Daisy asked was, "Do you have a condom?"

Donald frowned and said, "No."

Daisy told Donald that if he didn't get a condom, they could not have sex.

"Maybe they sell them at the front desk," she suggested.

So...

Donald Duck calls concierge

and says “can you thend up thome condomths to my room" and concierge said "want me to put it on your bill?" and Donald said "are you thucking thtupid I'll thuffocate"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Donald Duck is at a convention and a groupie knocks on his door.

After a while things are getting hot and heavy and the groupie says "Donald darling, before we go any further, I have to ask you to use protection", and Donald says "No problem, I'll call reception".

He picks up the phone and quacks "Hey there, Donald Duck here, could you send a condom up to ...

Donald Duck

What’s Donald Duck’s drug of choice?

Quack Cocaine

I went to the Doctors and told him kept hallucinating and seeing Mickey Mouse and Donald Duck and their pals.....

The Doc said not to worry...you're just having Disney spells...

You should’ve seen their faces when I showed up as Donald Duck at the office Christmas party.

Yeah I had no pants, no self control and I came with three kids that weren’t mine.

Donald duck walks into a bar...

Donald duck walks into a bar to escape the rain and orders a shot of wild Turkey. The bartender hands him his shot and Sparks up a conversation with the duck.
"Hi Mr duck how is your day going," asks the bartender?
"Oh I'm doing good bartender. I'm in and out of puddles all day and living the ...

What does Donald Duck say....





What does Donald Duck say after going to a US hospital?

"Oh boy, I've got a long bill"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why doesn't Donald Duck wear pants?

He has feathers to cover his butt quack.

Donald Duck was walking trough Mario's castle

When He saw the princess He said:

Hi Daisy!

To wich She replied:

I'm Peach Donald.

So Donald Duck was sent to rehab..

He had a big problem. He was addicted to quack.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Donald Trump is exiting the White House and heading into his limo...

...when someone pulls out a gun and aims it at him.

A newbie secret service agent, spotting it first yells:"MICKEY MOUSE!".

The would be assassin stops in confusion, giving the other agents time to pin down and arrest him.

When the press reports were over, the newbies supervisor...

Dude 1: what mouse walks on two feet?

Dude 2: I d’know

Dude 1: Mickey Mouse

Dude 1: now what duck walks on two feet?

Dude 2: Donald Duck :)

Dude 1: every duck you fuming moron


Don’t know if this is funny I found it so
Also don’t know if it’s been posted my friend told me it.

Donald Trump is boarding Air Force One

When all of a sudden, an assassin jumps out and points the gun at Trump. A member of the secret service sees this and yells, “Mickey Mouse!” This startles the would-be assassin so much that it gives the other agents time to apprehend him. While the agents interrogate the assassin, Donald Trump pulls...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Mickey and Donald were sitting in a bar(credit to u/KamehameHanSolo)

So Mickey Mouse and Donald Duck are sitting at a bar and Mickey sighs and says to Donald, "So Minnie finally decided to leave me."

"Good riddance, you're better off without her," Donald says, "Just last week you were telling me how crazy she is."

Mickey looks at him and says, "Donald, ...

If you saw an assassin running towards the president...

Would you say "Donald Duck"?

A man went to a psychiatrist

He said "Doctor, I need help. Some mornings I wake up convinced I'm Mickey Mouse. Other days, I feel like Donald Duck."

The psychiatrist said "Interesting. How long have you been having these Disney spells?"

I was once a Disneyland costume worker for a day because I took method acting "way too far."

I was told a little late that I needed to wear pants inside and outside the Donald Duck costume.

Trump's Secret Service is going to have a problem

If someone shoots at him, they will yell "Donald Duck, Donald Duck"

What did Donald Trumps bodyguard tell him just before someone sneezed in his face?

Donald Duck!

Disneyland prices are now well over $100 a person.

maybe now they'll buy Donald Duck some pants.

Trump tested negative for COVID-19, tomorrow's Headlines will go:

DONALD DUCKS COVID

What is the difference between Donald Duck and Donald Trump?

One is a cartoon character with a hot temper and the other is a duck.

The secret service used to yell "Get Down" whenever the president was in immediate danger

Now they yell "Donald Duck!"

So I said, "As a matter of fact I do. Why does...

Donald Duck walk around all day with no pants on, but after he takes a shower he puts a towel around his waist?" And the waiter said, "No I meant do you have any questions about our menu."

Micky Mouse isn't quick enough to avoid my punches.

But Donald ducks.

Donald Trump is leaving the White surrounded by his secret service agents when an assassin with a gun approaches.

A young agent sees the approaching assassin and shouts "Mickey Mouse". Startled by this comment the would be assassin hesitates and is pounced on by the other agents.

Later that day during the debrief the Head of the Secret Service asks the young agent just what in the hell he was playing at...

What similarities do Donald Trump and Donald Duck have in common besides their name?

They’re both quacks.

A time traveler goes to the past

A time traveler goes to the past and squishes a bug by accident,he goes back to the future and finds a woman on the sidewalk,he asks her "Who is president?" She replies with "Joe biten." He then says "You mean joe biden?" She shook her head and pointed behind him..there was a bulldog in a suit. "Joe...

The president of the United States steps out of his limo to give a speech when a would be assassin leaps from the crowd pointing a gun

The president’s body guard shouts “Mickey Mouse” at the top of his voice. The assassin seems startled by this and it gives the rest of the security team time to jump on the assassin and disarm him. The president congratulates his body guard and asks if “Mickey Mouse” is a secret service code word or...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Question

James and Kumar were having a conversation when James asked Kumar a question.

J: what mouse walks on two legs?

K:(thinking hard).....ummm....I don't know

J: it's Mickey mouse you idiot

K: oh...ok

James then asks another question

J: which duck walks on two ...

Mickey and Minnie walked into a bar

Donald ducked

A secret service agent is guarding the president

A secret service agent is guarding the president

He’s escorting the president into a building

As he’s walking in the building, an assassin jumps out with a gun

The secret service agent says, “Mickey Mouse!”

The assassin is stunned and the agent is able to detain him
...

There was an assassination attempt on the president!

As the President was being interviewed by reporters on the White House lawn, a crazed looking man came outta nowhere shooting an assault rifle. the Secret service charged him without hesitation, except for one agent who screamed ‘Mickey Mouse!’

After things settled down, the agents superior ...

BREAKING. With Disney buying Star Wars

Donald Duck will now have four nephews. Huey, Louie, Dewey and Chewie.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There's a new exhibit at disneyworld that features statues of some disney favorite characters.

A tour guide is leading guests through the exhibit as they pass such favorites as Mickey and Minnie Mouse, Donald Duck, Goofy, as well as Pluto. As they're going through they pass a statue that's in the shape of a giant turd. Puzzled, one of the guests pipes up and asks the tour guide, "what's the d...

Q: Why did Mickey Mouse get shot?

A: Because Donald ducked.

What happens when Hillary throws relevant questions?

Donald Ducks


I'll show myself out

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