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Detectors Jokes

When people use metal detectors, they’re treasure hunters…

but when _I_ do it, I’m “a thief” and I “need to leave the war memorial.”

Double standards, man. I swear

they gave lie detectors the wrong name.

Should have called then facts machines

Metal detectors are valuable archeological tools.

A Brit with a metal detector dug up a chunk of land along the Thames and found a few stray pieces of jewelry and copper cables buried 10 feet deep. The newspaper headlines read "Excavation proves telephony in Britain was widespread 100 years ago."

Not to be outdone, an Irishman dug up a secti...

Not to worry. I was only testing the smoke detectors.

On a totally unrelated subject. Supper is ready.

An old lady used to cross the US-Mexico border every day using a motorcycle...

The guards, especially officer Johnson, knew she was smuggling something. But, no matter what they did, they could never find it.

Dogs wouldn't sniff anything, metal detectors wouldn't bleep, disassembling the motorcycle wouldn't help.

Many years later, on his last day at the job, once...

Why do metal detectors always go off when Russian men pass through it even if they’re buck naked?

It’s because of their iron will and golden balls.

I don't need to check my smoke detectors every month

because my wife cooks more often than that

Somali Pirates Can't Find Hidden Treasure Buried in 2007

A bunch of Somali pirates lost their hidden treasure. They last saw their hidden treasure in 2007. They tried everything, bloodhounds, radar, metal detectors, sonar. But they couldn't find their treasure.

One day, one of the pirates had a suggestion.

"Captain, we should break R ...

Why Won't Michigan Governor Rick Snyder Take Any Flint Tap Water With Him Overseas In Order To Stick To His Promise That He'd Drink It For A Full Month...?

Because he can't get it through the airport metal detectors.

A traditional Thanksgiving joke

A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "How did Thanksgiving go at your place?" the bartender asks. "Oh, it went fine. Had a lot of family over and the wife prepared the meal. I helped out, though. She got a little stressed out and told me she needed some peace and quiet in the kitchen so she co...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Who the hell called them therapists

When they could have been called mental detectors

Thanks to my neighbor's cooking, I'll never forget to eat dinner.

I've developed a Pavlovian response to their smoke detectors.

Simple solution to the coronavirus test shortage:

Hook people up to lie detectors and ask them if they have the virus

(OC) An American chemist, a German chemist, and a French chemist are hanging out on a beach.

“Americium is the best element” brags the American chemist, “it’s used in smoke detectors and saves lives.”

“No way, germanium is way more awesome.” counters the German chemist, “without it, most electronic devices wouldn’t ever work.”

“Watch this, amateurs!” Says the French chemist, h...

'Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house, not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse...

I really should have invested in one of those carbon monoxide detectors...

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