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Dahmer Jokes

Why did Jeffrey Dahmer keep a blender on his front porch?

So he could greet visitors with a handshake.

What did Jeffrey Dahmer call the guy that ran from him?

Fast food.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you know that Jeffrey Dahmer was a smoker...

They found a pile of butts behind his couch.

Why did Jeffrey Dahmer move to a larger apartment?

He needed more leg room.

I had dinner with Jeffrey Dahmer.

He cooked Stu

What is Jeffrey Dahmer's favorite fruit?

Chopped Dates

Jeffrey Dahmer didn't like Tic Tacs or gum.

He preferred men toes.

What did they find in Jeffrey Dahmer’s shower?

Head & shoulders

I asked Jeffery Dahmer if he wanted to go out for burgers...

…but he told me said he’s good; he’s got Five Guys at home.

Why was Jeffrey Dahmer so healthy?

Because he ate five fruits a day!

Jeffrey Dahmer's trial...

Dahmer's lawyer speaks up:
"Your honor, if you are what you eat, then my client is an innocent man!"

BREAKING: Jeff Dahmer's former landlord arrested.

He used to charge an arm and a leg for rent.

what did Jeffery dahmer say after eating at a fast food place

This does not taste like five guys

Jeffrey Dahmer was HOT.

He had the body of a much younger man.

Jeffery Dahmers was beaten to death in prison by the other prisoners.

The coroner said he died in a food fight.

How do you know Jefferey Dahmer was a pretty normal guy?

He was having a friend for dinner when he was arrested.

What is Jefferey dahmer’s favourite drink?

A cup ‘o’ joe

Jeffrey Dahmer was hosting Thanksgiving dinner

His mother leans over to him and whispers, "I really don't like your neighbors."

So Jeffrey whispers back, "that's OK, just push them to the side and eat your vegetables."

(I haven't told this joke since JD went to jail)

Jeffrey Dahmer’s mother was over for a visit having dinner.

She says “you know Jeffrey, I really don’t like your friends.”

He just shrugs & says “well just eat the vegetables then.”

Did you hear that Jeffery Dahmer had a kid while in prison?

It was his last meal

Ever heard of the Jeffrey Dahmer diet!

A delicious shake for breakfast

A delicious shake for lunch



A healthy male for dinner

why did Jeffrey Dahmer never eat liver and onions?

He didn't like onions.

Jeffrey Dahmer decided to go on a vegan diet

He found a family of them at the Farmers Market.

Jeffery Dahmer is in his kitchen, using his blender...

... when his phone goes off in his pocket. It was a notification from the CDC:

"The public is still advised to avoid direct contact from others through cordial gestures during this pandemic, such as hugs or ***handshakes.*** "

"Awwwwww..." Jeffery mopes, as he turns off his blender.

What is Jeffery Dahmer's favorite candy?

Mentos.

What did Jefferey Dahmer's mom say when he passed the meat at Xmas dinner?

Jeff, you know I don't like your friends.

What do Jeffrey Dahmer and Travis Scott have in common?

Ate dead people.

Jeffrey Dahmer once sent me a dinner invitation

But the offer was a me steak.

Jeffrey Dahmer and his mom are having dinner.

Jeffey's mom looks over at him and says "Jeff I don't like your friends". Jeffery then replies "You can eat the potatoes".

"Nobody is going to tell me how many people I can have for Thanksgiving"

Jeffery Dahmer

What's the title of Jeffrey Dahmer's cookbook?

"Come To Think Of It..."

Netflix tried to get the Jeffrey Dahmer tapes...

...but it was going to cost them an arm *and* a leg.

The CDC advises to avoid handshakes.

Jeffery Dahmer: AWWW

A beacon of true racial equality

"In this time of being divided by race we should be more like Jeffrey dahmer, who only saw the color of people as a light pink center with a nice sear"

There was a serial killer who killed more people than Jeffrey Dahmer and never got caught

His name was Jeffrey Smahter

How did Jeffrey Dahmer make alphabet soup?

With 26 characters he met at a party.

What was Jeffrey Dahmers favorite restaurant?

5 Guys

What did Jeffrey Dahmer say to Lorena Bobbitt?

"Are you going to eat that?"

Did you know Jeffrey Dahmer was a time traveler?

He was eating Five Guys before it was a thing.

What would you call a movie staring Jake Paul and a Psychopath?

Dumb and Dahmer

Ted Bundy asks Jeffrey Dahmer you got any ice cream in the freezer?

Nah, just Ben and Jerry Jeffrey replies.

I just finished watching a murder biopic on Netflix and some of those cops were really, really dumb.

The serial killer was Dahmer though.

Jeffrey Dahmer walks into his local used furniture store with a sofa.

"It might have some stains." He mutters sheepishly.
"Come again?" Inquires the hard of hearing store manager.
"Some blood as well this time."

What do you call a giraffe that eats another giraffe?

Giraffrey Dahmer

News Anchor: CDC advises no handshakes at this time.

Jeffrey Dahmer: AWW... **STOPS BLENDER* *

Jeffery Dahmer visits his optometrist.

Doc says, ”you should never rub your eyes”.

Jeffrey contemplates.

What's the difference between Antony Hopkins' character in Silence of the Lambs and someone who taunted Jeffery Dahmer as he ate?

One's Hannibal Lechter and the other's a cannibal heckler.

Did you hear about the NHL official that was arrested as a serial killer?

His name was Referee Dahmer.

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