This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

People who can’t choose between “your” and “you’re” correctly piss me off.

Like, our you fucking kidding me?

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By legalizing Cannabis and same-sex marriage we finally interpreted the bible correctly:

"A man who lays with another man should be stoned."

Fun fact: You can’t breathe correctly while smiling

Just kidding, I made you smile :)

How are men like a linoleum kitchen floor? If you are able to lay them correctly the first time,

Then You Are Able To Walk All Over Them For The Next Twenty Five Years.

I find it hard to understand that people still don’t know how to correctly use “their”, “there” and “they’re”

Their so stupid.

If I'm good at lip reading correctly...

Then my neighbours are calling the police about some creepy guy staring at them through the window next door.

So what if I can't spell "armagedon" correctly ?

Its not the end of the world.

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I was once promised one hundred virgins in afterlife if I lived my life correctly and humbly.

But it won’t be much fun, I don’t even speak Klingon. :(

Why can’t the British pronounce there t’s correctly

Because the Americans dumped it all

Sooo, are you....?

An elephant meets a boa for the first time. Intrigued, he asks him:

\- You're a weird creature ... how do you move? You have no legs.

\- Well, it's simple, I'm crawling…

\- Oh, Okay!

The elephant start to move, but, even more intrigued, he turns and asks again:

\- ...

If I remember correctly, the game “Keep Talking and Nobody Explodes” had a very brief stint of enormous popularity out of nowhere.

No one was talking about it, and it exploded onto the scene.

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There was a very, very unlucky man with a single testicle.

One day, he went on a plane. Unfortunately, a malfunction occurred. The flight crew announced that the plane was going down and one of the passengers had to be thrown out to reduce weight.

To determine the victim, passengers drew lots, and the unlucky man was chosen. He refused furiously, say...

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Two deaf guys stop off in a pub one night on the way home from their lip reading class.

Communicating by using their new lip reading skills one offers to buy the drinks and gives the money to the other who goes to the bar to get them.

At the bar he asks for two pints of lager which the barman puts on the bar and then says “that’ll be £15 please.”

The deaf guy looks shocke...

A traffic cop went through the trouble of putting a note on my windshield to let me know I positioned my car correctly.

It said 'parking fine' so that was nice.

The Russian president is on a visit to the USA.

So he is taken on a tour of various tech companies to show him their superiority.

"This," says Bob, "is the smartest computer in the world. Ask it any question, and it will answer you correctly."

The Russian president is intrigued. So he decides to trick the computer and asks: "Who wil...

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So there’s this teacher that tells her class anyone who correctly answers a special question she’s going to ask on Friday won’t have to come to school on Monday.

On the first Friday, the teacher asks, "How many grains of sand are in the beach?" Needless to say, no one could answer.

The following Friday, the teacher asks the class, "How many stars are in the sky?" and again no one could answer. Frustrated, little Johnny decides that the next Friday, he...

A doctor changes Careers.

A Gynecologist is tired of dealing with Insurance companies and decides to become an auto mechanic. He studies hard, and for the final, he needs to diagnose and rebuild an engine. He need an 80 to pass an become a certified Mechanic.

He takes test, and waits for his score.

He g...

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A gas station owner was trying to increase his sales, so he put up a sign that read, “Free Sex with Every Fill-Up.”

Rob pulled in, filled his tank and asked for his free sex. The owner told him to pick a number from 1 to 10, and said that if he guessed correctly, he would get his free sex. Rob said "today is my birthday, i'm feeling LUCKY and I guess 8".

The owner said, “You were very close, the lucky numb...

If you can write the word "mitochondria" correctly...

... then you truly are the powerhouse of the spell.

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A guy is constantly suffering from terrible headaches...

A guy is constantly suffering from terrible headaches. He goes to a bunch of doctors, runs any test imaginable, and no one can figure out why. One day a doctor tells him- “I think we figured out a solution, but you’re not going to like it. If we cut off your balls, the constant headache will stop”. ...

We met a family with 5 kids. I guessed their names correctly

Honeymoon, Valentine's Day, Pulled Out, Forgot the pill, and Broken Condom.

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Little Johnny was in class one friday.....

The teacher said we'll play a game, whoever answers my questions correctly can leave early for the weekend. The first question was, who started a speech with "four score and seven years ago "? Several kids raised their hand and little Johnny was waving his hand frantically in the back of the class....

Only 10% of Americans file their taxes correctly.

It's hard to believe that 95% of us can't do simple math.

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