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What if porn had commercials

like “don’t bust that nut yet, we’ll be right back!”

One day I’m going to open a furniture store named Sofa King.

That way I can make late night tv commercials and shout “our prices are Sofa King low!”

Two Hillbillies are sitting outside the local store gossiping...

The first one says, "Welp, yesterdee muh wife got rear ended on the highway by one of them beer trucks."

The second says, "Shoot. They git 'er good?"

First one says, "Yup. Smashed in 'er backside real good."

The second one says, "What company was it?"

First one says, "Oh ...

When commercials are selling anti-depressants and say that a side effect could be death,

Are depressed people like "it's a win if I die and a win if I dont?"

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In honor of one of the Super Bowl commercials...

So a guy goes to the doctor because his penis is bright orange.

The doctor examines him and says, "I've never seen anything like this before. Are you under a lot of stress at work?"

The guy says, "No."

The doctor says, "If you don't mind my asking, what do you do for a living?"<...

Perfume commercials make no sense

They have no relation to the program or chanel

The guy who built my bicycle wheels also does commercials for the shop.

He's a spokesperson.

According to commercials, women are like Picasso.

They have a blue period.

I physically force my dog to watch animal abuse commercials,

just to show him how good he has it.

This pandemic has gone on for so long...

This pandemic has gone on for so long, that commercials are going to have to start saying “In these precedented times.”

There is only one thing more annoying than the 877-kars-4-kids commercials....

Any Patriots fan this morning.

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Wouldn't it be weird to see your friends star in commercials?

Frank was watching TV one night and saw his good friend Bob starring in a Viagra commercial. Frank thought Bob and him were pretty close, so he was surprised he hadn't heard about this before.

He calls to his wife in the other room and says, "Hey Susan, did you know Bob is in a Viagra commerc...

I hate watching Showtime because they are always showing commercials for their own shows.

It’s just Shameless plug after Shameless plug.

What I hate about commercials

I hate how they abruptly cut o

So I'm sitting there watching TV with my dad when commercials come on.

T.V.: *"Taco Bell's taco 12-pack says, 'my 11 friends and I are set..."*

Me: "HA! More like I'M set."

Dad: "I know, right? You don't even have 11 friends."

Matthew McConaughey walked into a deli to order a sandwich

“What can I get for you?” the shopkeep asked.

Matthew replied, “well my good man, you see I’ve had the good fortune of becoming a world renown celebrity, an academy award winning actor, I’ve played some of the most iconic roles in television history, and I’m even known for my whimsical yet c...

All those car commercials that say "real people, not actors"

I agree, actors aren't real people.

The best part about Netflix is there are no commercials.

On an unrelated note, does anyone know how to get urine stains out of a couch?

My kids don't beg for toys and I realized it's because they never get to see commercials

Because they're locked in a cage

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What do you get when you combine shitty, old commercials with audio files?

Aflac

Growing up in Canada, Taco Bell commercials were surprisingly different.

At the end of each ad, they sang: "Make a run...for the border. And then the next border."

Commercials that never made it to air

Here's my entry:

"Have you had an accident that wasn't your fault and has ruined your life? Next time, use Durex".

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