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Cannibals Jokes

Two cannibals were eating Amy Schumer.

One says, 'Does this taste funny to you?'

The other one goes, 'No'.

A large corporation hires a Tribe of cannibals...

And they tell them: "You have full rights as employees, but you're not allowed to eat anybody."

Things go well for several weeks and then the CEO calls the Tribe into his office. The CEO says:

"Somebody has been reported missing. Did you eat them?"

The chief of the Tribe checks ...

Four cannibals apply for a job in a big corporation…

„Well“, says the boss, „if I hire you guys, you have to promise to not eat any of our staff.“

The cannibals promise that they will not eat anyone and get hired.

Everything is going well for a while, and one day the boss calls them into his office.

“You’re working well and all, ...

Three people became shipwrecked on an island inhabited by cannibals.

They were swiftly captured and told they would be killed, cooked, eaten, and their skin would be used to line the tribe’s canoes, but they would be able to choose how they died.

The first man, a British man, decided he wanted to die by the sword. In an instant, a tribesman cut his head off. ...

A man finds himself in a jungle surrounded by cannibals…

Seeing no possible way to escape, he says to himself, “Oh God, I’m screwed!”

Suddenly a light shines down from the heavens upon the man and he hears the voice of God, and God says, “No my son. You’re not screwed. You see the rock on the ground next to you? The pointy one? Take it and throw i...

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What do Japanese cannibals eat

Rawmen


Edit: Wow my first post is actually doing pretty well.
Thanks for upvotes and comments. I really don't know how to react.

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I couldn’t give a shit about what vegans eat. Cannibals on the other hand...

WHERE’S MY OTHER FUCKING HAND?

What do cannibals call a womb?

A slow-cooker.

Cannibals

Recently, a large corporation hired several cannibals to increase their diversity. "You are all part of our team now," said the Human Resources rep during the welcoming briefing. "You get all the usual benefits and you can go to the cafeteria for something to eat, but please don't eat any employees....

Two cannibals sat around a campfire

One turned to the other and said, "God, I hate my mother-in-law."

His friend said, "Well then try the potatoes."

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3 men are captured on an island of cannibals

One of the menasks “what do you plan on doing to us”

The cannibal Chief says “we have a tradition, we’re gonna kill you, eat you, then use your skin for our canoes. But myself and the elders have decided to give you some grace; you can do yourselves in, and you can choose how”

Man #1 s...

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Two cannibals sat by a fire the 1st one says

"I'm going to become a vegan".

The other one says "me too"

The 1st one says " you do realise we have totally fucked up this joke now it won't be funny "

The other one says "yeh well that's vegans for you"

Two cannibals were eating and the first one says: Your sister makes a delicious soup. The second one says:

True, but now I miss her

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An Englishman, a Frenchman, and an American get captured by a tribe of cannibals

The leader of the cannibals arrives, and says "Greetings, travelers. I'm sorry to tell you this, but since we have captured you, you must die. Furthermore, we must eat you, and make canoes out of your skins, in accordance with our traditions. However, we will be as humane as we can. We will allow yo...

Two cannibals are talking...

One says "I don't like my mother-in-law." The other one says "just eat the noodles."

I met few cannibals the other day and they all said the same thing.

They are fed up with people.

What do cannibals call pregnant women?

Kinder surprise

What do cannibals eat to freshen their breath?

Men toes

Cannibals capture three men

The men are told that they will be skinned and eaten and then their skin will be used to make canoes. Then they are each given a final request. The first man asks to be killed as quickly and painlessly as possible. His request is granted, and they poison him. The second man asks for paper and pen so...

Why don't cannibals eat Gospel singers?

They keep throwing up their hands.

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A Londoner, a Parisian and a New Yorker get captured by cannibals…

The cannibals are pretty pissed off because these guys have just wandered into their territory without asking permission. So the cannibals tell them, “We’re going to kill you, we’re going to eat you, and we’re going to make a canoe out of your skins. But just because we’re in a good mood today will...

What is a cannibals favorite restaurant?

Five Guys

What’s a cannibals favourite snack?

A bag of mixed nuts

Three explorers get abducted by cannibals

While on an excursion on the amazon river deep in the jungle three explorers are surrounded and captured by a tribe of cannibals. They are brought before the tribal leader.

He looks at the first and says, "we're going to dine on your flesh, we're going to use your bones to make tools, an...

Two cannibals were having dinner

The first one: "You know what Ed? I don't like your mother-in-law".

The second one: "That's OK, just eat the potatoes then".

Two cannibals walked into a restaurant in Prague

They asked for separate Czechs.

Two cannibals are discussing life…

One asks the other who was recently married, “Hey, how’s the married life treating you?”. The other cannibal says, “Not too bad, but my wife doesn’t know how to cook!”. The other cannibal says, “I just got a new cookbook. I’ll loan it to you. Give it a try!”.

A few weeks pass, and the first...

Two Cannibals are Wandering the Jungle...

They come upon a big fat missionary and brain him with a rock. They're excited to have such a feast before them.

Being equitable to one another, as all cannibals are, they decide that one start at the feet and the other start at the head; they'll both work their way to the middle.

Aft...

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When you get captured by cannibals, they show you pornographic pictures...

So there's more meat

What do cannibals serve at a cookout?

Franks.

Cannibals are often viewed as cruel.

But really, there's a lot of human in them.

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*Cannibals preparing a soup*

Two missionaries were sitting in a large pot of water as several cannibals built a fire under the pot.

Other cannibals were busy slicing potatoes, carrots and other vegetables an adding them into the pot with the two missionaries.

The water started getting hotter and hotter the missi...

Five cannibals

Five cannibals are hired as employees in a company.
Their first day at the company the boss tells them:
- Now you are part of the group, here you earn well, and if you are hungry you can go to the company canteen. So please, do not bother other employees!
The cannibals promise not to distur...

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A Russian, a Japanese dude and a guy from Boston were caught by a group of cannibals...

The leader said to them "we are going to eat you and use your skin to make a canoe, but we will give you the choice of killing yourselves in which ever way you want".
The Russian made a grunting sound then snapped his neck clean off. The Japanese guy took out his samurai sword and honorably kill...

Two cannibals are eating a guy from Budapest and a guy from Helsinki.

One turns to the other and says are you still hungary? He replies no I'm finished.

A pair of cannibals were discussing their recent meals

One said "I found some Catholic monks when I was in the woods; took home the meat and boiled it up. Tasted TERRIBLE!"

The other said "Idiot. You don't boil monks- those are friars!"

What is a common phrase that both poker players and cannibals say?

Just finish the hand!

What's a cannibals favorite game?

Swallow the leader

Cannibal Jokes...

Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other "Does this taste funny to you?"



A cannibal invites a friend around for dinner. As they're tucking into the starter, the guest says
"Wow. Your wife make a lovely stew."
"I know." answers the host. "I sure will miss...

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Two cannibals are eating a man

One says: "Do you think he tastes like chicken?"
The other replies: "Nah man, you're eating his cock."

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A Frenchman, a Brit, and a New Yorker go on a safari...

Along the way they run into a tribe of cannibals. The chief was a pleasant fellow, but had some unfortunate news for them.

"Gentlemen, I am sorry but I must follow the way of my people."

"Oh?" says the Brit. "What's that?"

"Well..." the chief responds, "We will kill you, cook...

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Why don't Japanese cannibals cook their food?

Because they prefer ramen.

Two Cannibals Are Having A Meal

Two cannibals are sitting down to have a meal of a recently cooked missionary. The first decided to start eating at the head and the second started at the feet.

First Cannibal: “How are you doing down there?”

Second Cannibal: “Oh, I’m having a ball!”

First Cannibal: “Woah! Slow...

Two cannibals are settling down to have a meal...

.... They agree that it is best if each of them start at one end of the corpse. After a few minutes, the one who started at the head asks "how's it going down there?"

The other replies: "oh, I'm having a ball over here..."

The first yells: "Oi, slow down, you're eating too fast!"

Why can't cannibals have friends?

They aren't allowed to play with their food

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An Englishman, a Frenchman and a Greek are captured by cannibals in Africa.

The chief of the tribe offers to free anyone who succeeds in three tests: drink a ton of wine, pull a thorn from the sacred lion's foot, and have sex with his hundred-year-old grandmother.
They lead the Englishman to the wine hut, he starts drinking but doesn't even get halfway through. The nat...

What do cannibals call unvaccinated children?

Organic food

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How do cannibals cook pornstars?

They boil the fuck out of them

Guess what two cannibals did for dinner in Prague?

They split the Czech!

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Two explorers are caught by cannibals and put in a large pot of water to be cooked. As the cannibals start the fire beneath them, one of the explorers starts chuckling to himself.

"What is so damn funny? We're going to die here!"

*"I just pissed in their soup."*

Three men are on a desrted island and get captured by cannibals

The chief of the cannibals walks up to the first man and says,
"We will grind your bones and use them for forks! Do you have any last requests?"

The man says, "I would like the most delicious meal you can offer me."

The chief grants the man his request and grinds his bones into fork...

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Three men are stranded on an island full of cannibals.

They are each told to go into the forest and bring back ten of any fruit.

The first man returns carrying kiwis and is told that if he can fit all of them into his ass without making a sound, he will be allowed to live. He manages to get four in, but on the fifth, he gasps and is taken off to ...

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3 men are walking through the jungle when they get taken by cannibals

They beg for their lives are given the chance of freedom - they have to go out into the jungle and collect 10 pieces of the same fruit.

So off they go and not long after the 1st man returns with 10 apples. This is when he is told about the 2nd part of the deal

"You must insert all of t...

What kind of contractors do cannibals like?

Seasoned professionals

What is the definition of trust?

Two cannibals having a 69.

Two cannibals are enjoying dinner.

One compliments the other, "I say, Bill, your wife really makes a great meal."

What do cannibals call psych wards?

A vegetable garden

Two cannibals found a guy lost in the forest and decided to kill and eat him.

They thought that the best way to do it was for one to start at the head and the other to start at the feet and meet in the middle. After awhile, the cannibal at the top said, “How’s it going down there?” The other cannibal said, “I’m having a ball!” The first cannibal replied, “Well slow down, you’...

A couple cannibals meet one day

A couple cannibals meet one day and the first cannibal says, "You known, I just can't seem to get a tender missionary. I've baked them, roasted them, stewed them and barbecued them. I've tried every sort of marinade and I just cannot seem to get them tender."

The second cannibals asks, "What...

How many cannibals does it take to screw in one light bulb?

I have no clue but you really shouldn't be in the dark with cannibals.

Why do cannibals hang out in libraries?

Because Readers Digest

Why did the cannibals go to the crematorium?

To get a cup of instant soup

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A British man, a Japanese man and an American man are kidnapped by cannibals...

The chief says to them: "First, you die. Then, we eat you. Then we make your skin into canoe. But you may choose how you die."


The British man says: "Gun."


The cannibals give him a gun that they took from a previous captive. The british man shouts "GOD SAVE THE QUEEN!" and ...

2 cannibals

Two cannibal friends were sitting together for lunch. The one asked the other:

"Hey, i heard you and your boyfriend had a big fight last night?"

"Yes, that's right."

"So how are things between you right now?"

"Well... right now..."

The cannibal stopped to take a si...

Two cannibals were having dinner. . .

"Your wife makes a great soup", said one cannibal to the other. "Yes" agreed the first, "But I'm going to miss her badly."

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