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Cannibal Jokes

Three people became shipwrecked on an island inhabited by cannibals.

They were swiftly captured and told they would be killed, cooked, eaten, and their skin would be used to line the tribe’s canoes, but they would be able to choose how they died.

The first man, a British man, decided he wanted to die by the sword. In an instant, a tribesman cut his head off. ...

Two clowns are eating a cannibal...

One turns to the other and says, "I think we got this joke wrong."

Me: A cannibal once took my sister to see a Russell Crowe movie

Friend: Gladiator?

Me: No I really miss her.

Two cannibals sat around a campfire

One turned to the other and said, "God, I hate my mother-in-law."

His friend said, "Well then try the potatoes."

What do you call a cannibal who only eats coma patients?

A vegetarian.

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What do Japanese cannibals eat

Rawmen


Edit: Wow my first post is actually doing pretty well.
Thanks for upvotes and comments. I really don't know how to react.

Two cannibals were eating Amy Schumer.

One says, 'Does this taste funny to you?'

The other one goes, 'No'.

Four cannibals apply for a job in a big corporation…

„Well“, says the boss, „if I hire you guys, you have to promise to not eat any of our staff.“

The cannibals promise that they will not eat anyone and get hired.

Everything is going well for a while, and one day the boss calls them into his office.

“You’re working well and all, ...

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I couldn’t give a shit about what vegans eat. Cannibals on the other hand...

WHERE’S MY OTHER FUCKING HAND?

A man finds himself in a jungle surrounded by cannibals…

Seeing no possible way to escape, he says to himself, “Oh God, I’m screwed!”

Suddenly a light shines down from the heavens upon the man and he hears the voice of God, and God says, “No my son. You’re not screwed. You see the rock on the ground next to you? The pointy one? Take it and throw i...

What does a cannibal do after dumping his girlfriend?

Wipe his ass

What did the cannibal say to the other cannibal?

You know what Tony... I'm fed up with people.

What do cannibals call a womb?

A slow-cooker.

An old cannibal saying:

"The more you eat, the lonelier you get."

Daughter made up a cute knock knock joke:

Knock knock
Who’s there?
Let’s eat…
Let’s eat who?

What are you a cannibal?

Two cannibals were eating and the first one says: Your sister makes a delicious soup. The second one says:

True, but now I miss her

What did Spartacus say to the cannibal who killed his wife.

Nothing, he's Gladiator.

Cannibals

Recently, a large corporation hired several cannibals to increase their diversity. "You are all part of our team now," said the Human Resources rep during the welcoming briefing. "You get all the usual benefits and you can go to the cafeteria for something to eat, but please don't eat any employees....

I saw a cannibal at the nursing home the other day, he was walking around making fun of all the residents. I realized then that I actually had something in common with him.

I too find vegetables to be tastier if I roast them first.

What does the cannibal get when he’s late for dinner

The cold shoulder

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An Englishman, a Frenchman, and an American get captured by a tribe of cannibals

The leader of the cannibals arrives, and says "Greetings, travelers. I'm sorry to tell you this, but since we have captured you, you must die. Furthermore, we must eat you, and make canoes out of your skins, in accordance with our traditions. However, we will be as humane as we can. We will allow yo...

I went to a Cannibal wedding yesterday.

It was all going well, until they decided to toast the Bride and the Groom.

Cannibalism jokes

They're just in very bad taste.

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3 men are captured on an island of cannibals

One of the menasks “what do you plan on doing to us”

The cannibal Chief says “we have a tradition, we’re gonna kill you, eat you, then use your skin for our canoes. But myself and the elders have decided to give you some grace; you can do yourselves in, and you can choose how”

Man #1 s...

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Two cannibals sat by a fire the 1st one says

"I'm going to become a vegan".

The other one says "me too"

The 1st one says " you do realise we have totally fucked up this joke now it won't be funny "

The other one says "yeh well that's vegans for you"

What do cannibals eat to freshen their breath?

Men toes

TIL the term "cannibal" is offensive.

They prefer to be called "humanitarians."

A large corporation hires a Tribe of cannibals...

And they tell them: "You have full rights as employees, but you're not allowed to eat anybody."

Things go well for several weeks and then the CEO calls the Tribe into his office. The CEO says:

"Somebody has been reported missing. Did you eat them?"

The chief of the Tribe checks ...

A cannibal walks into a bar...

A cannibal walks into a bar. He's got a bone through his nose, wild hair, wearing animal skins and a knuckle-bone necklace. He has a pronounced brow ridge, sloping forehead, and looks just like a Cro-Magnum cave man.

The bartender says, "We don't serve time-travelers here."

The canniba...

A cannibal is walking through the jungle when he sees on of his cannibal buddies leaving the witch doctor's hut...

Cannibal 1: why you at the witch doctor?

Cannibal 2: some new religious people were snooping around the village the other day and I ate one of them. I haven't felt too good since.

Cannibal 1: how'd you prepare them?

Cannibal 2: I boiled em

Cannibal 1: hmm, what did they...

What do cannibals call pregnant women?

Kinder surprise

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Two missionaries are sitting in a cannibal's cooking pot...

One says to the other "I don't know why you're looking so pleased with yourself, we're about to be eaten!"

The other replies "I've just pissed in his soup.".

Dave was a cannibal, and a conceited one at that.

So when he was in a bad car accident, the people of his town weren’t very sympathetic. But when they learned that he died, they softened up a bit. “I didn’t know that his injuries were life threatening,” one of his neighbors said. Another replied that they weren’t. “Well then how did he die?” th...

Why did the cannibal leave the restaurant?

Because he got cold feet.

Two cannibals are talking...

One says "I don't like my mother-in-law." The other one says "just eat the noodles."

What did one Mexican cannibal say to the other Mexican cannibal?

Bet you can’t eat just Juan!

What happens when a lion becomes a cannibal?

He swallows his pride...

Cannibal Jokes...

Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other "Does this taste funny to you?"



A cannibal invites a friend around for dinner. As they're tucking into the starter, the guest says
"Wow. Your wife make a lovely stew."
"I know." answers the host. "I sure will miss...

Cannibal chief: What's your job?

Victim (already in cooking pot): I'm a news editor.

Cannibal chief: Good news, you'll soon be editor-in-chief.

I met few cannibals the other day and they all said the same thing.

They are fed up with people.

Cannibal jokes...

Did you hear the one about the cannibal who passed his brother in the woods?

Cannibals capture three men

The men are told that they will be skinned and eaten and then their skin will be used to make canoes. Then they are each given a final request. The first man asks to be killed as quickly and painlessly as possible. His request is granted, and they poison him. The second man asks for paper and pen so...

Why don't cannibals eat Gospel singers?

They keep throwing up their hands.

Why did the cannibal throw the disabled kid in a tub of hot water

Coz vegetables taste better when they’re boiled

How does a cannibal defend himself in court?

He says: “If you are what you eat, then I am an innocent man.”

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The giant monster cannibal was eating a large amount of people, he asked why he started feeling sleepy after eating a group of women who were out drinking. He asked his other giant monster eater friend why he felt sleepy

He said, “because that’s a bar bitch you ate.”

What does the cannibal do after eating his vegetables?

Goes to eBay to see what he can sell the wheelchairs for.

A cannibal and his son go hunting...

and spot a lady. The father aims for quite too long so the son says: "Shoot her already, dad!" The father slowly releases the string and says: "No, we'll take her home alive and eat your mother."

What does a cannibal call a clown?

A Happy Meal

What is a cannibals favorite restaurant?

Five Guys

How does a cannibal say hello?

He offers you a handshake.

I don’t judge the past of my Garth Brooks loving cannibal girlfriend

But what she’s doing now is tearing me apart

Did you hear about the narcissistic, self-destructive, cannibal?

He was full of himself.

Cannibal

Did you hear about the cannibal who converted to Catholicism?

On Fridays, he only eats fishermen!

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A Japanese, a German and a Mexican are lost in a tropical island, when they found a cannibal tribe

“We eat you now” -Says the tribe boss.

“Please, no” -Says the mexican. -“you can eat fruits if you want, why humans being”

“We like human, we eat humans” -said the boss.

“If we bring you fruits, you can eat fruits instead of eating us” -Continue the mexican.

The tribe bos...

I knew a detective that was a cannibal

He loved grilling people.

What’s a cannibals favourite snack?

A bag of mixed nuts

A cannibal brings a fortune teller home to his wife.

He says, "Remember not to overcook this one. I like a medium rare."

Two cannibals were having dinner

The first one: "You know what Ed? I don't like your mother-in-law".

The second one: "That's OK, just eat the potatoes then".

What did the cannibal do after eating the vegetable?

He sold the wheelchair.

Two cannibals walked into a restaurant in Prague

They asked for separate Czechs.

I gotta find me a cannibal girlfriend.

they don't care about looks, they just care about what's on the inside.

What did one cannibal say to the other?

"I don't feel so well. I must have eaten someone who didn't agree with me."

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A Londoner, a Parisian and a New Yorker get captured by cannibals…

The cannibals are pretty pissed off because these guys have just wandered into their territory without asking permission. So the cannibals tell them, “We’re going to kill you, we’re going to eat you, and we’re going to make a canoe out of your skins. But just because we’re in a good mood today will...

A cannibal top chef is mostly known for..

his secret handshake.

Two Cannibals are Wandering the Jungle...

They come upon a big fat missionary and brain him with a rock. They're excited to have such a feast before them.

Being equitable to one another, as all cannibals are, they decide that one start at the feet and the other start at the head; they'll both work their way to the middle.

Aft...

How does a cannibal get their food at a restaurant?

They order ahead.

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A cannibal attends a restaurant ran by another cannibal

Feeling somewhat hungry, he sat down and browsed the menu:

\*Grilled Tourist $5.00

\*Broiled Missionary $10.00

\*Fried Explorer $15.00

\*Diced Marine $20.00

\*Baked Politician $1000.00

The cannibal called a waiter over and asked, "Why such a high price for p...

What did the cannibal couple take with them to the park?

A picnic casket

Two cannibals are discussing life…

One asks the other who was recently married, “Hey, how’s the married life treating you?”. The other cannibal says, “Not too bad, but my wife doesn’t know how to cook!”. The other cannibal says, “I just got a new cookbook. I’ll loan it to you. Give it a try!”.

A few weeks pass, and the first...

Have you heard of the new cannibal hipster restaurant?

It's called farmers to table.

Against my better judgement, I decided to attend the local Cannibal Convention

The decision has been nawing at me for some time now, but I'm trying to have fun and not let it consume me.

An American cannibal visits Germany. What does he have for lunch?

A Hamburger.

Three explorers get abducted by cannibals

While on an excursion on the amazon river deep in the jungle three explorers are surrounded and captured by a tribe of cannibals. They are brought before the tribal leader.

He looks at the first and says, "we're going to dine on your flesh, we're going to use your bones to make tools, an...

Five cannibals

Five cannibals are hired as employees in a company.
Their first day at the company the boss tells them:
- Now you are part of the group, here you earn well, and if you are hungry you can go to the company canteen. So please, do not bother other employees!
The cannibals promise not to distur...

Did ya hear about the cannibal lion with a huge ego?

He had to swallow his pride

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

When you get captured by cannibals, they show you pornographic pictures...

So there's more meat

What do cannibals serve at a cookout?

Franks.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Russian, a Japanese dude and a guy from Boston were caught by a group of cannibals...

The leader said to them "we are going to eat you and use your skin to make a canoe, but we will give you the choice of killing yourselves in which ever way you want".
The Russian made a grunting sound then snapped his neck clean off. The Japanese guy took out his samurai sword and honorably kill...

What happened to the cannibal who had difficulties eating brains?

The others gave him a hand.

What did the cannibal name his son?

Stew.

Eric is stranded on an island...

Eric is stranded on an island. He starts hopelessly wandering around and hides behind the bushes when he comes upon a local tribe of cannibals and their cannibal king sitting on a golden throne.

"I'm screwed." Eric whispers to himself.

Then, out of nowhere, appears a wise old man. "No...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

*Cannibals preparing a soup*

Two missionaries were sitting in a large pot of water as several cannibals built a fire under the pot.

Other cannibals were busy slicing potatoes, carrots and other vegetables an adding them into the pot with the two missionaries.

The water started getting hotter and hotter the missi...

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A Russian goes to Africa.

A Russian goes to Africa and is hanging out with the locals. He asks if they've ever played Russian roulette.

"We have our own version. There are six women. You pick one, and she gives you a blowjob."

"What's the danger in that?"

"One of them is a cannibal."

What did it cost the state to give the convicted cannibal his last meal?

An arm and a leg

What did the cannibal do after he dumped his wife?

He flushed the toilet.

Why did the Cannibal logician get a stomach ache?

Someone he ate disagreed with him.

What meal kit deliver service does a cannibal use?

Hello flesh

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a cannibal walks into a church..

And the priest says to him,

"Ah so you seek to convert?"

And the cannibal says

"No I just got food poisoning from some of your missionaries, I've roasted them and baked them. Hell we've also boiled a few but we still keep getting the shits!"

The priest nods knowingly a...

Two cannibals are eating a guy from Budapest and a guy from Helsinki.

One turns to the other and says are you still hungary? He replies no I'm finished.

Why did the cannibal never make any friends?

He was taught never to play with his food.

A cannibal walks into a New York restaurant. He said to the waiter, “Please give me some children to eat.” The waiter was surprised and asked, “What are you talking about?”

“The sign at the entrance says half price for children."

A pair of cannibals were discussing their recent meals

One said "I found some Catholic monks when I was in the woods; took home the meat and boiled it up. Tasted TERRIBLE!"

The other said "Idiot. You don't boil monks- those are friars!"

Cannibal Joke

A guy is walking in the forest when all of the sudden two spears are thrown at him and kill him. Two cannibals emerge from the forest and argue over the body. They go back and forth for a while over who is going to get to eat the man when they finally decide to split it. One looks at the other and s...

What happened when the missionary met the cannibal?

He gave him his first taste of religion.

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