UPJOKE

5 Day Jokes

A man's girlfriend went to Europe for 5 days with some girlfriends.

She asked her boyfriend to watch her cat while she was gone. The first day she was gone, the cat was hit by a car and was killed. The first day she was gone she called and asked how her cat was doing. He didn't want to ruin her vacation so he said the cat was fine. The second day she called and he s...

The first 5 days

After the weekend are the hardest

What does a woman get every month that lasts 3-5 days?

Her husband's salary.

The best beginner pet is a Hamster.

They live for 5 days and don’t require any food or water.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Guy has a tapeworm in his intestine and tries many doctors but everybody fails to remove.Finally he tries an alternative doctor whom everybody recommended heavily and visits him.

The doctor says: Come back tomorrow with two bananas and a Snickers bar. The patient is confused but does as he’s told.

The next day he shows up with two bananas and a Snickers bar. The doctor proceeds to insert both bananas and the Snickers bar up the man’s ass.

The doctor then says ...

I've got a meeting with the guy that invented the progress bar during the era of dialup internet. He's going to be here in 2 hours and 13 minutes.

Edit: Apparently he's stuck in traffic and he's going to be here in 6 hours 54 minutes.

Edit2: He's making better progress than thought, he will be here in 12 minutes.

Edit3: Apparently it will now take him 5 days

My girlfriend dumped me 5 days before our one year anniversary

I guess you could say we made it full circle

Haven't put on a bra in like... 5 days.

Being a dude is great

I had a argument with a friend recently. 5 days ago I super glued his phone to his hand.

He just can't let it go.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I thought it was just the U.S's insatiable need for inexpensive, single-use, remote controlled electronic junk that my son always wants crappy toys made in China that break after 5 days

But it seems China feels the same way about their rockets.

Misty's boss says to her: "You've been late to work for 5 days straight! You know what this means, don't you?" .....

...to which Misty replied "I SURE do! It means today must be FRIDAY!!!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I tried erotic suffocation on the wife the other night when we were having sex.

She obviously didn't like it. She's been lying there for 5 days now giving me the silent treatment!!

How long does it take for a depressed person to change a light bulb?

5 days. & I’m pretty proud of myself.

News just in of a honeymooner killed in a shark attack off the Perth Coast. The man had been married very recently. A police spokesman said

Fortunately the man did not suffer too much as he had only been married 5 days

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