Why can't millennials take a joke?

Because the jokes always hit a little too close to their parent's house.

How do you weigh a millennial?

In instagrams.

why do millennials always type in lowercase?

because they reject capitalism.

I am getting so sick of millennials and their attitude.

Always walkin around like they rent the place.

Why doesn't Santa have any millennial elves?

Because there are already enough snowflakes at the North Pole.

Jokes about millennials aren’t funny

They just don’t work.

Millennial milestone: I finally moved out of my parents and moved in with my girlfriend. Her parents were supportive, too...

They even let us bring food upstairs.

I ran across some douchbag millennial in the store running his mouth, calling me a boomer and blaming me for ruining the world. Then he acted like he wanted to fight me.

I said "That's pretty big talk for a guy with no health insurance."

What did the millennial say after they successfully started the campfire?

That's lit

What do Millennials and Tarzan falling to his death have in common?

"I miss Vine."

Finally Wheel of Fortune is modernizing to reach more millennials with new rules.

Instead of buying a vowel they have to rent it.

Why don’t cannibals like to eat millennials?

They’re too salty

What kind of job do millennials typically prefer?

A rimjob.

People say Millennials are entitled...

But have you ever tried to tell an old lady her coupon has expired?

I think Coronavirus is a millennial..

.. Because everyone's OK except the boomers.

What do millennial eskimos do Friday night with girls they like?

Net fish and chill.

If a millennial asks you...

If a millennial asks you why people in old photos have red eyes

.

.


Tell them that they're too young to remember the demon uprising of the 1980s

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A millennial walks into a bank

"I'd like to go $200,000 into debt please."

Banker: "What for?"

M: "Student loans."

B: "Great! Sign right here please."

M: "Nice. Can I also get a mortgage?"

B: "Absolutely the fuck not!"

What do millennials get for doing nothing?

Atrophy.

Ever wondered why "I hate my life" is millennial humor?

As a Zoomer, I'm here to say that the phrase actually applies to members of Gen Z as well.

The only difference is that for millennials, it's funny.

I'm serious.

How many millennials does it take to screw in a light bulb?

1 to hold the bulb and wait for the world to revolve around them!

How can you tell it’s a Millennial nursing home?

All the residents have atrophy.

How does a Millennial weight themselves?

In Instagrams







eta: yes, I saw the typo in the subject, about .01 after I hit "post", of course. Oh well! C'est la vie.

A Gen Z kid and a boomer walk into a bar

They sit down and the Gen Z kid orders from the gluten free vegan menu and the boomer orders a T-Bone steak.

They start chatting and the Gen Z kid says that social justice issues are the biggest problem facing the world, and that the white supremacist patriarchy is a plague on society. ...

Millennials deal with their problems like a dog who's new bed was stolen by the cat.

We avoid them and just sleep on the floor until they leave.

How many millennials does it take to change a light bulb?

Don't know, the baby boomer that has the job now can't retire because they never saved anything and millennials all have LED lights that last longer.

There should be a millennial edition of Monopoly

[Removed]

What did the millennial say to the boomer upset over being called "boomer"?

The same thing boomers said to them growing up.

"They're just words. They can't hurt you."

What do you call a millennial in a corn field.

Lost. They're definitely lost.

85% of Millennials struggle with figuring out the opposite of these words.

Always
Coming
Take
Me
Down

2 Millennials get into a counting contest

The announcer says "okay Millennials, start counting from 1 to 2000!"

They both scoff and easily count that high within minutes. One says "I'm a Millennial, I could count to 2000 in my sleep!

The announcer, obviously worried that there will not be a winner, thinks up a plan.

He ...

What's the difference between a millennial and a large pizza?

A large pizza can feed a family of four.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Straight to controversial, I know.

What did the millennial get on his wedding day?

A participation trophy wife.

Trump shutting down the border would be the best thing for millennials

Once the avocado market dries up they can finally pay off their student loans and buy a house

What is a millennial rapper’s favorite Transformer?

Mumblebee

[OC] You millennials are always complaining that we ran up trillions of dollars of debt for you. Why can't you just pull yourselves up by your bootstraps?

After all, we pulled ourselves up by your bootstraps.

GenXer's, Millennials, Baby Boomers

**Quarenteens!**

I’m sick and tired of these millennial weathermen...

In my day, only the raining champion got an award, but nowadays everyone wants a precipitation trophy.

Wild falcons live to be about 13, so all the falcons in the wild today were born in the 21st century.

They're millennial falcons.

What do you call a bird that likes avocado toast?

The millennial falcon.

I always wondered why my millennial friend always writes in lower case letters...

...apparently he is anti-capitalism.

What did the millennial say when his friend played jaws on the piano?

That low key gave me chills

As a millennial snowflake, if I can't win,

I at least expect a ribbon for precipitation.

If I had a dollar for every time older people complained about millennials...

...I could fix the economy they broke.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How many millennials does it take to change a light bulb?

Who gives a fuck about millenials anymore, they now suffer like the rest of us in their 30's with crushing debt, child rearing problems, weigh gain, and a terrible government. Welcome to the club ladies and gentlemen, don't forget to turn the light off when you go to bed, that shit is tough to chan...

Why are millennial girls so odd?

Cause they can’t even

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If Bruce Wayne was a millennial...

*after the well incident*

Thomas : Why do we fall, Bruce?

Bruce (mumbles): Running a billion dollar empire focused on science, don't know what fucking gravity is. Great!!

My grandpa told me, "You millennials are too dependent on technology...

.. so I plugged out his life support

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If I had a dollar for every time someone told millennials to stop being dramatic and entitled...

I still wouldn’t be able to afford a fucking house

A millennial walks into an executives office

The millennial says "Sir i would like a job."
The executive replies "Really.... How about $100k a year, corner office and a company car."
The millennial says "WOW YOU MUST BE JOKING!"

The executive says "yes, but you started it."

Study finds that the most popular fetish among Millennial is...

Role playing as a couple that owns a house.

If a Millennial dies, they can be eulogized as such:

"They died doing what they loved. Dying."

A boomer, a millennial, and a Gen Z kid walk into a bar

They sit down at a table and order a bottle of whiskey. The boomer pours a tall glass for himself and says, "There ain't no social security left, so I'm pouring myself a big glass of whiskey!" Then, the millennial grabs the bottle an pours a medium sized glass and says, "I've got $100,000 in student...

What does a millennial cowboy say?

Yeet Haw!

Mohammad bin Salman is 33 making him, technically, a Millennial...

...so now Baby Boomers can add "Journalists" to their list of "things Millennials are killing".

Amazeballs is millennial for "cool",

But it's also Native American for "hush puppies".

What device did God use to communicate with millennials?

A tablet.

But not from Apple.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was arguing with a millennial coprophiliac and I told him to eat shit and die

He said “Don’t threaten me with a good time.”

There are 3 types of rings common to the millennial marriage.

The engagement ring, the wedding ring, and tindering.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How many millennials does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None. Shit's already mad lit, fam.

You millennials and your obsession with public healthcare....

Back in my day we just died

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Study finds millennials are having less sex

Because they are expecting their parents to do it for them.

I asked a millennial hipster yoga teacher to leave the room...

He said: "Nah a ma stay."

Millennial's Interview

A recent college graduate is applying for a job at a big company.

Interviewer asks him what kind of salary he's looking for.

Graduate replies "I was thinking around $125,000, maybe higher depending upon on how generous your benefits are."

"Well," the interviewer says, "how abo...

Next time someone complains about millennials

Remind them which generation linoleumed over all those beautiful hard-wood floors.

Millennials don't get this...

Low college tuition rates.

Apparently incredulousness is increasing amongst millennials

I don’t believe it for a second

How many millennials does it take to change a light-bulb?

One, but he has to create a safe-space where the light-bulb can go to avoid being offended that it's being replaced.

Dogs, Not Marriage or Kids, Motivate Millennials to Buy Homes

I don't know how they afford it though.

Dogs are expensive.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

As a millennial in 2019, I'm really appreciative for all the meals my mother cooked for me as a kid...

Because now whenever I eat ass it always reminds me of home.

What did the millennial Charlie say after visiting the chocolate factory?

It was choco-lit

A dad complains "Millennials get certificates for anything..."

"My son got one last week just for dying!"

Someone told me that I have 'Millennial humor'

It's comments like those that make me want to shoot myself and then go into debt.

How can the Democrats light a fire under Millennial voters?

They can use Flint and Tinder

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A millennial shows up at an employment agency.

He goes: "Hi, I'm looking for a job, and despite the stereotype, I'm willing to do anything and start from the bottom.

The agent goes "well, there's a farm that needs help with loading some grain sacks."

"Ah, well, that sounds very tiring, and it probably involves being in the sun or t...

People keep laughing at Millennials over this whole eating Tide Pods thing, but it started with Bill O'Reilly

“Tide goes in, Tide goes out. Never a miscommunication. You can’t explain that. You can’t explain why the Tide goes in.”

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