The 81+ Best Millennial Jokes

How do you weigh a millennial?

In instagrams.

Why doesn't Santa have any millennial elves?

Because there are already enough snowflakes at the North Pole.

Why can't millennials take a joke?

Because the jokes always hit a little too close to their parent's house.

Millennial milestone: I finally moved out of my parents and moved in with my girlfriend. Her parents were supportive, too...

They even let us bring food upstairs.

I ran across some douchbag millennial in the store running his mouth, calling me a boomer and blaming me for ruining the world. Then he acted like he wanted to fight me.

I said "That's pretty big talk for a guy with no health insurance."

What do Millennials and Tarzan falling to his death have in common?

"I miss Vine."

What's the difference between a millennial and a large pizza?

A large pizza can feed a family of four.

What did the millennial say after they successfully started the campfire?

That's lit

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did the millennial get on his wedding day?

A participation trophy wife.

If a millennial asks you...

If a millennial asks you why people in old photos have red eyes

.

.

Tell them that they're too young to remember the demon uprising of the 1980s

How do Millennials fireproof their homes?

By never owning one.

Finally Wheel of Fortune is modernizing to reach more millennials with new rules.

Instead of buying a vowel they have to rent it.

What kind of job do millennials typically prefer?

A rimjob.

A boomer, a millennial and a zoomer walk into a bar

That's right- Gen X just got ignored again.

Millennial old folks homes are gonna be awesome!

LAN parties, DnD nights, wheelchair races, having awesome songs from the 2000's as our golden oldies! It'll be great, especially if we can line up our work schedules!

I am getting so sick of millennials and their attitude.

Always walkin around like they rent the place.

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There's boomers, millennials then GenZ so what's the next generation going to be?

Fucked.

There should be a millennial edition of Monopoly

[Removed]

How many millennials does it take to change a light bulb?

Don't know, the baby boomer that has the job now can't retire because they never saved anything and millennials all have LED lights that last longer.

85% of Millennials struggle with figuring out the opposite of these words.

Always
Coming
Take
Me
Down

I think Coronavirus is a millennial..

.. Because everyone's OK except the boomers.

2 Millennials get into a counting contest

The announcer says "okay Millennials, start counting from 1 to 2000!"

They both scoff and easily count that high within minutes. One says "I'm a Millennial, I could count to 2000 in my sleep!

The announcer, obviously worried that there will not be a winner, thinks up a plan.

He ...

People say Millennials are entitled...

But have you ever tried to tell an old lady her coupon has expired?

Millennials being the first generation to grow up online should have been called Gen-E

But Forrest Gump ruined it for us

I’m sick and tired of these millennial weathermen...

In my day, only the raining champion got an award, but nowadays everyone wants a precipitation trophy.

How many millennials does it take to screw in a light bulb?

1 to hold the bulb and wait for the world to revolve around them!

What do millennial eskimos do Friday night with girls they like?

Net fish and chill.

Ever wondered why "I hate my life" is millennial humor?

As a Zoomer, I'm here to say that the phrase actually applies to members of Gen Z as well.

The only difference is that for millennials, it's funny.

I'm serious.

Millennials 20 years ago: Looting and polluting is not the way!

Millennials now: If I burn enough fossil fuels, maybe one of my random digital coins will become the preferred method of money laundering and make me rich.

What do you call a millennial in a corn field.

Lost. They're definitely lost.

How much do millennials weigh?

An instagram.

[OC] You millennials are always complaining that we ran up trillions of dollars of debt for you. Why can't you just pull yourselves up by your bootstraps?

After all, we pulled ourselves up by your bootstraps.

How does a Millennial weight themselves?

In Instagrams

eta: yes, I saw the typo in the subject, about .01 after I hit "post", of course. Oh well! C'est la vie.

How can you tell it’s a Millennial nursing home?

All the residents have atrophy.

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A millennial walks into a bank

"I'd like to go $200,000 into debt please."

Banker: "What for?"

M: "Student loans."

B: "Great! Sign right here please."

M: "Nice. Can I also get a mortgage?"

B: "Absolutely the fuck not!"

What's the difference between Elvis and a millennial's spirit?

Some people still think Elvis is alive

What did the millennial say to the boomer upset over being called "boomer"?

The same thing boomers said to them growing up.

"They're just words. They can't hurt you."

I always wondered why my millennial friend always writes in lower case letters...

...apparently he is anti-capitalism.

A boomer, a millennial, and a Gen Z kid walk into a bar

They sit down at a table and order a bottle of whiskey. The boomer pours a tall glass for himself and says, "There ain't no social security left, so I'm pouring myself a big glass of whiskey!" Then, the millennial grabs the bottle an pours a medium sized glass and says, "I've got $100,000 in student...

Why are millennial girls so odd?

Cause they can’t even

What is a millennial rapper’s favorite Transformer?

Mumblebee

As a millennial snowflake, if I can't win,

I at least expect a ribbon for precipitation.

What did the millennial say when his friend played jaws on the piano?

That low key gave me chills

Study finds that the most popular fetish among Millennial is...

Role playing as a couple that owns a house.

If a Millennial dies, they can be eulogized as such:

"They died doing what they loved. Dying."

Mohammad bin Salman is 33 making him, technically, a Millennial...

...so now Baby Boomers can add "Journalists" to their list of "things Millennials are killing".

I was born in 1988, so you might think I'm a millennial

But please don't assume my generation. I actually identify as a baby boomer.

If I had a dollar for every time older people complained about millennials...

...I could fix the economy they broke.

What does a millennial cowboy say?

Yeet Haw!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If Bruce Wayne was a millennial...

*after the well incident*

Thomas : Why do we fall, Bruce?

Bruce (mumbles): Running a billion dollar empire focused on science, don't know what fucking gravity is. Great!!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was arguing with a millennial coprophiliac and I told him to eat shit and die

He said “Don’t threaten me with a good time.”

There are 3 types of rings common to the millennial marriage.

The engagement ring, the wedding ring, and tindering.

A millennial walks into an executives office

The millennial says "Sir i would like a job."
The executive replies "Really.... How about $100k a year, corner office and a company car."
The millennial says "WOW YOU MUST BE JOKING!"

The executive says "yes, but you started it."

Amazeballs is millennial for "cool",

But it's also Native American for "hush puppies".

Millennials deal with their problems like a dog who's new bed was stolen by the cat.

We avoid them and just sleep on the floor until they leave.

How Many Baby Boomers does it take to explain a hippie joke to a Millennial?

"I'm offended"

My grandpa told me, "You millennials are too dependent on technology...

.. so I plugged out his life support

Trump shutting down the border would be the best thing for millennials

Once the avocado market dries up they can finally pay off their student loans and buy a house

Give a millennial a smartphone and he'll live for a day...

... any longer than that and he'll become a mindless, soulless, social media zombie.

Millennials wont get this

vaccines

You millennials and your obsession with public healthcare....

Back in my day we just died

I asked a millennial hipster yoga teacher to leave the room...

He said: "Nah a ma stay."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If I had a dollar for every time someone told millennials to stop being dramatic and entitled...

I still wouldn’t be able to afford a fucking house

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A millennial shows up at an employment agency.

He goes: "Hi, I'm looking for a job, and despite the stereotype, I'm willing to do anything and start from the bottom.

The agent goes "well, there's a farm that needs help with loading some grain sacks."

"Ah, well, that sounds very tiring, and it probably involves being in the sun or t...

What device did God use to communicate with millennials?

A tablet.

But not from Apple.

What did the millennial Charlie say after visiting the chocolate factory?

It was choco-lit

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

As a millennial in 2019, I'm really appreciative for all the meals my mother cooked for me as a kid...

Because now whenever I eat ass it always reminds me of home.

GenXer's, Millennials, Baby Boomers

**Quarenteens!**

Someone told me that I have 'Millennial humor'

It's comments like those that make me want to shoot myself and then go into debt.

Millennial's Interview

A recent college graduate is applying for a job at a big company.

Interviewer asks him what kind of salary he's looking for.

Graduate replies "I was thinking around $125,000, maybe higher depending upon on how generous your benefits are."

"Well," the interviewer says, "how abo...

Next time someone complains about millennials

Remind them which generation linoleumed over all those beautiful hard-wood floors.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How many millennials does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None. Shit's already mad lit, fam.

Apparently incredulousness is increasing amongst millennials

I don’t believe it for a second

Dogs, Not Marriage or Kids, Motivate Millennials to Buy Homes

I don't know how they afford it though.

Dogs are expensive.

Baby boomers like to disparage millennials.

Let's not forget the generation that got so stoned that they elected president ray gun. Seeing what America had done, he declared the war on drugs himself.

millennial superstitions

If your phone drops in the toilet bowl, you will have seven years of frustrating eyebrows.

Why do millennials love Animal Crossing?

Because it allows them to fulfil the dream of buying a house.

Millennials don't get this...

Low college tuition rates.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How many millennials does it take to change a light bulb?

Who gives a fuck about millenials anymore, they now suffer like the rest of us in their 30's with crushing debt, child rearing problems, weigh gain, and a terrible government. Welcome to the club ladies and gentlemen, don't forget to turn the light off when you go to bed, that shit is tough to chan...

People keep laughing at Millennials over this whole eating Tide Pods thing, but it started with Bill O'Reilly

“Tide goes in, Tide goes out. Never a miscommunication. You can’t explain that. You can’t explain why the Tide goes in.”

How many millennials does it take to change a light-bulb?

One, but he has to create a safe-space where the light-bulb can go to avoid being offended that it's being replaced.

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