What do Millennials and Tarzan falling to his death have in common?

"I miss Vine."

Why can't millennials take a joke?

Because the jokes always hit a little too close to their parent's house.

I am getting so sick of millennials and their attitude.

Always walkin around like they rent the place.

What did the millennial say after they successfully started the campfire?

That's lit

How much do millennials weigh?

An instagram.

What kind of job do millennials typically prefer?

A rimjob.

I think Coronavirus is a millennial..

.. Because everyone's OK except the boomers.

Why don’t cannibals like to eat millennials?

They’re too salty

Jokes about millennials aren’t funny

They just don’t work.

What did the millennial say to the boomer upset over being called "boomer"?

The same thing boomers said to them growing up.

"They're just words. They can't hurt you."

Look at all these millennials listening to pop and rap.

But none of them know what to do with a drunken sailor.

How many millennials does it take to change a light bulb?

They won't change it, they will accept it for what it is.

I ran across some douchbag millennial in the store running his mouth, calling me a boomer and blaming me for ruining the world. Then he acted like he wanted to fight me.

I said "That's pretty big talk for a guy with no health insurance."

What was the millennial for Halloween?

Offended.

What is a millennial rapper’s favorite Transformer?

Mumblebee

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What did the millennial get on his wedding day?

A participation trophy wife.

Why are millennials so odd?

Because they can't even.

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How many millennials does it take to change a light bulb?

Who gives a fuck about millenials anymore, they now suffer like the rest of us in their 30's with crushing debt, child rearing problems, weigh gain, and a terrible government. Welcome to the club ladies and gentlemen, don't forget to turn the light off when you go to bed, that shit is tough to chan...

I always wondered why my millennial friend always writes in lower case letters...

...apparently he is anti-capitalism.

why do millennials always type in lowercase?

because they reject capitalism.

How many millennials does it take to change a light bulb?

Don't know, the baby boomer that has the job now can't retire because they never saved anything and millennials all have LED lights that last longer.

What do you call a millennial in a corn field.

Lost. They're definitely lost.

What does a millennial cowboy say?

Yeet Haw!

How many boomers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

They won’t do it, they’re retired. Those lazy millennial lightbulbs need to pull themselves up by their bootstraps and screw themselves in.

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If Bruce Wayne was a millennial...

*after the well incident*

Thomas : Why do we fall, Bruce?

Bruce (mumbles): Running a billion dollar empire focused on science, don't know what fucking gravity is. Great!!

What is a millennial’s favourite fragrance?

Scents of entitlement.

Why doesn't Santa have any millennial elves?

Because there are already enough snowflakes at the North Pole.

I saw a millennial chick at the supermarket and thought she looked odd.

Then I realised she can't even.

Trump shutting down the border would be the best thing for millennials

Once the avocado market dries up they can finally pay off their student loans and buy a house

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Fucking millennials ruins the church

Priests need to stop doing that

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Three Men are on a Journey Through the Desert ...

A Generation X'er, a Boomer, and a Millennial are embarking on a desert journey. They have each been allowed to bring one item for survival.

The X'er was asked, "What did you bring?".
"I don't lack in intellect. I brought food so that we can eat if we are hungry

The others nodded ...

[OC] You millennials are always complaining that we ran up trillions of dollars of debt for you. Why can't you just pull yourselves up by your bootstraps?

After all, we pulled ourselves up by your bootstraps.

What did the millennial say when his friend played jaws on the piano?

That low key gave me chills

If a millennial asks you...

If a millennial asks you why people in old photos have red eyes

.

.


Tell them that they're too young to remember the demon uprising of the 1980s

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I was arguing with a millennial coprophiliac and I told him to eat shit and die

He said “Don’t threaten me with a good time.”

An irregular bird

I saw a bird today
It was eating a gluten free bagel
It must be a Millennial Falcon

What do you call a starship that works multiple jobs and can't pay of it's student loans?

The Millennial Falcon

Can someone help me figure out if I’m a millennial?

I can’t Google it because my parents won’t pay the Internet bill.

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What is millennials' idea of dirty talk?

"Fuck me like you owe me."

There should be a millennial edition of Monopoly

[Removed]

If I had a dollar for every time older people complained about millennials...

...I could fix the economy they broke.

Study finds that the most popular fetish among Millennial is...

Role playing as a couple that owns a house.

Millennial suicide humor

Never gets old

85% of Millennials struggle with figuring out the opposite of these words.

Always
Coming
Take
Me
Down

As a millennial snowflake, if I can't win,

I at least expect a ribbon for precipitation.

If a Millennial dies, they can be eulogized as such:

"They died doing what they loved. Dying."

Amazeballs is millennial for "cool",

But it's also Native American for "hush puppies".

What's the difference between a millennial and a large pizza?

A large pizza can feed a family of four.

A boomer, a millennial, and a Gen Z kid walk into a bar

They sit down at a table and order a bottle of whiskey. The boomer pours a tall glass for himself and says, "There ain't no social security left, so I'm pouring myself a big glass of whiskey!" Then, the millennial grabs the bottle an pours a medium sized glass and says, "I've got $100,000 in student...

I was born in 1988, so you might think I'm a millennial

But please don't assume my generation. I actually identify as a baby boomer.

I’m sick and tired of these millennial weathermen...

In my day, only the raining champion got an award, but nowadays everyone wants a precipitation trophy.

A millennial walks into an executives office

The millennial says "Sir i would like a job."
The executive replies "Really.... How about $100k a year, corner office and a company car."
The millennial says "WOW YOU MUST BE JOKING!"

The executive says "yes, but you started it."

What did the millennial Charlie say after visiting the chocolate factory?

It was choco-lit

There are 3 types of rings common to the millennial marriage.

The engagement ring, the wedding ring, and tindering.

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If I had a dollar for every time someone told millennials to stop being dramatic and entitled...

I still wouldn’t be able to afford a fucking house

People say Millennials are entitled...

but have you ever tried to tell an old lady her coupon has expired?

Did you hear about the millennial on Wheel of Fortune?

He tried to rent a vowel.

A dad complains "Millennials get certificates for anything..."

"My son got one last week just for dying!"

My grandpa told me, "You millennials are too dependent on technology...

.. so I plugged out his life support

Millennial's Interview

A recent college graduate is applying for a job at a big company.

Interviewer asks him what kind of salary he's looking for.

Graduate replies "I was thinking around $125,000, maybe higher depending upon on how generous your benefits are."

"Well," the interviewer says, "how abo...

2 Millennials get into a counting contest

The announcer says "okay Millennials, start counting from 1 to 2000!"

They both scoff and easily count that high within minutes. One says "I'm a Millennial, I could count to 2000 in my sleep!

The announcer, obviously worried that there will not be a winner, thinks up a plan.

He ...

You millennials and your obsession with public healthcare....

Back in my day we just died

Millennials wont get this

vaccines

In the future, a millennial and his wife are lying in bed

The wife turns to the husband and says, "remember life before self-driving cars?"

The husband replies, "Yes, those days were quite the struggle. So glad we evolved past driving cars."

The wife says, "remember life before smartphones?"

The husband replies, "I sure do. What ...

According to FBI, the number of serial killers is decreasing every year.

Thanks to those damn lazy millennials who can't commit to a single thing.

I asked a millennial hipster yoga teacher to leave the room...

He said: "Nah a ma stay."

Someone told me that I have 'Millennial humor'

It's comments like those that make me want to shoot myself and then go into debt.

How can the Democrats light a fire under Millennial voters?

They can use Flint and Tinder

Next time someone complains about millennials

Remind them which generation linoleumed over all those beautiful hard-wood floors.

What device did God use to communicate with millennials?

A tablet.

But not from Apple.

Why do millennials love Animal Crossing?

Because it allows them to fulfil the dream of buying a house.

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How many millennials does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None. Shit's already mad lit, fam.

How many baby boomers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. They'll leave it how it is, expect millennials to clean up after them, and call them selfish and entitled when they get called on it.

Apparently incredulousness is increasing amongst millennials

I don’t believe it for a second

Millennials don't get this...

Low college tuition rates.

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A millennial shows up at an employment agency.

He goes: "Hi, I'm looking for a job, and despite the stereotype, I'm willing to do anything and start from the bottom.

The agent goes "well, there's a farm that needs help with loading some grain sacks."

"Ah, well, that sounds very tiring, and it probably involves being in the sun or t...

How many millennials does it take to change a light-bulb?

One, but he has to create a safe-space where the light-bulb can go to avoid being offended that it's being replaced.

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Study finds millennials are having less sex

Because they are expecting their parents to do it for them.

millennial superstitions

If your phone drops in the toilet bowl, you will have seven years of frustrating eyebrows.

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