Millennial Jokes

In instagrams.

Because there are already enough snowflakes at the North Pole.

Because the jokes always hit a little too close to their parent's house.

They even let us bring food upstairs.

I said "That's pretty big talk for a guy with no health insurance."

"I miss Vine."

A large pizza can feed a family of four.

That's lit

If a millennial asks you why people in old photos have red eyes

.

.


Tell them that they're too young to remember the demon uprising of the 1980s

[Removed]

.. Because everyone's OK except the boomers.

That's right- Gen X just got ignored again.

LAN parties, DnD nights, wheelchair races, having awesome songs from the 2000's as our golden oldies! It'll be great, especially if we can line up our work schedules!

Avogadro toast

>!Special joke for chemists!<

Lost. They're definitely lost.

Always walkin around like they rent the place.

In my day, only the raining champion got an award, but nowadays everyone wants a precipitation trophy.

Net fish and chill.

In Instagrams







eta: yes, I saw the typo in the subject, about .01 after I hit "post", of course. Oh well! C'est la vie.

All the residents have atrophy.

The same thing boomers said to them growing up.

"They're just words. They can't hurt you."

They sit down at a table and order a bottle of whiskey. The boomer pours a tall glass for himself and says, "There ain't no social security left, so I'm pouring myself a big glass of whiskey!" Then, the millennial grabs the bottle an pours a medium sized glass and says, "I've got $100,000 in student... read more

A rimjob.

Mumblebee

...apparently he is anti-capitalism.

I at least expect a ribbon for precipitation.

Role playing as a couple that owns a house.

That low key gave me chills

But have you ever tried to tell an old lady her coupon has expired?

Cause they can’t even

The engagement ring, the wedding ring, and tindering.

The millennial says "Sir i would like a job."
The executive replies "Really.... How about $100k a year, corner office and a company car."
The millennial says "WOW YOU MUST BE JOKING!"

The executive says "yes, but you started it."

"They died doing what they loved. Dying."

...so now Baby Boomers can add "Journalists" to their list of "things Millennials are killing".

But it's also Native American for "hush puppies".

The wife turns to the husband and says, "remember life before self-driving cars?"

The husband replies, "Yes, those days were quite the struggle. So glad we evolved past driving cars."

The wife says, "remember life before smartphones?"

The husband replies, "I sure do. What ... read more

Instead of buying a vowel they have to rent it.

Yeet Haw!

"I'm offended"

... any longer than that and he'll become a mindless, soulless, social media zombie.

The announcer says "okay Millennials, start counting from 1 to 2000!"

They both scoff and easily count that high within minutes. One says "I'm a Millennial, I could count to 2000 in my sleep!

The announcer, obviously worried that there will not be a winner, thinks up a plan.

He ... read more

An instagram.

Always
Coming
Take
Me
Down

He tried to rent a vowel.

It's comments like those that make me want to shoot myself and then go into debt.

Don't know, the baby boomer that has the job now can't retire because they never saved anything and millennials all have LED lights that last longer.

They sit down and the Gen Z kid orders from the gluten free vegan menu and the boomer orders a T-Bone steak.

They start chatting and the Gen Z kid says that social justice issues are the biggest problem facing the world, and that the white supremacist patriarchy is a plague on society. ... read more

vaccines

He said: "Nah a ma stay."

It was choco-lit

A hippiecrite.

But Forrest Gump ruined it for us

It was a millennial falcon.

1 to hold the bulb and wait for the world to revolve around them!

If your phone drops in the toilet bowl, you will have seven years of frustrating eyebrows.

A recent college graduate is applying for a job at a big company.

Interviewer asks him what kind of salary he's looking for.

Graduate replies "I was thinking around $125,000, maybe higher depending upon on how generous your benefits are."

"Well," the interviewer says, "how abo... read more

Low college tuition rates.

I don’t believe it for a second

Back in my day we just died

Some people still think Elvis is alive

After all, we pulled ourselves up by your bootstraps.

Millennial falcons.

A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "Hey look at that big hawk out on the patio," he tells the bartender. "It looks like its eating some avocado toast." "Oh, that bird again," the bartender sighs. "I think its a Millennial Falcon."

.. so I plugged out his life support

Remind them which generation linoleumed over all those beautiful hard-wood floors.

Once the avocado market dries up they can finally pay off their student loans and buy a house

A tablet.

But not from Apple.

Because they can't even.

...I could fix the economy they broke.

"My son got one last week just for dying!"

We avoid them and just sleep on the floor until they leave.