Messi Jokes

Usually he plays clean but as soon as he’s in mud he’s Messi.

But I got a clean one instead

Halfway into the flight, the pilots announce that the plane is going down, and that there are only three parachutes on board.

Lionel Messi grabs a parachute and says “Well guys, I’m the best football player in the world. My fans and millions of people worldwide need me!”, and jumps out of th... read more

The smart guy goes into the interview room first and is met by three people on the panel.

The first one asks, “Who do you think the best soccer player in the world is?”

The smart guy replies, “Before it was Ronaldo but now it’s Messi.

The second interviewer asks, “When did the p... read more

But instead we got a Messi one.

Congrats to Argentina.

The three walks up to God sitting on his throne. God says:
"Messi, what is the best thing about football?"
Messi bows and answers:
"The best thing about football is that I have been able to spread joy to people, earn money for my living and seeing the world." God felt it was a good answer... read more

But he missed the point

Press Release:
The annual Loch Ness Foundation's black-tie fundraiser and press conference was ruined when the priest saying an opening prayer spilled coffee on an Argentinian soccer star's tuxedo.

He was a little Messi.

He should have his Argentinian team mates bury him so they can let him down one last time..

But soccer is the Messi-est.

Si, era Missed

Messi : wtf !!! They scored again.

He says he doesn’t want 2-8 anymore.

Because he operates on the right wing and cuts through all the opponents who come in his way

Messi is first to be judged by the lord, God looks upon Messi and says "Messi, you shall sit on my right side" and Messi takes his rightful place.

Ronaldo is next up and God tell him "Ah, Ronaldo, You shall be seated at my left side for eternity"

Then Zlatan walks up a... read more

Because the goals are all Messi

when Origi scored his second goal.

at an Airport as they return their respective home countries.

When I entered his room and saw that it was covered in posters of a famous Argentinian player, I thought to myself...

That’s a Messi room.

I see a Messi divorce ahead.

Messi would've been just a normal guy. Maybe I'm the best player of a sport that doesn't exist and that's why I'm a normal guy.

He was a little Messi.

becuz he can't stand it looking Messi.

What a Messi guy.

When they see Christiano Ronaldo thrashing for help in the middle of the ocean, being violently attacked by a great white shark.

But before she can have her staff do anything, a speedboat comes by, and in it is Lionel Messi and Luis Suarez! They pull up to the shark and hit it with paddles ti... read more

Because he’s not Messi.

And boy, it's Messi.

...but he's no Messi.

It might get Messi

They said his tax returns were Messi.

He went home to his girlfriend and asked, "Well what do you think?". She took a couple of minutes looking his new hair cut over and replied "Well... at least it's not Messi".

There were 4 passengers on board, but only 3 parachutes.
The 1st passenger said, "I am Lionel Messi, the best footballer in the world. My millions of fans need me, and I can't afford to die." So he took the 1st pack and left the plane.
The 2nd passenger, Donald Trump, said, "I am the newly-ele... read more

even if it isn't Messi.

So it won't get too Messi.

And the morning after is, all too often, very awkward.

Then there's the messiness. And each one's got a bloody stone in the middle. Honestly, dates are just honey that's stuck on Extra Hard mode.