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Admonishes Jokes

Man walks into a library and asks the librarian, "Hey! Can I get a chicken sandwich?" The librarian admonishes him, "Sir! This is a library." He replies...

"Oh sorry, *^one ^chicken ^sandwich ^please!* "

This joke may contain profanity. šŸ¤”

An artistic chicken

A guy walks into a bar with a chicken under his arm and orders a beer. "Hey, you can't bring a live chicken into the bar," the bartender admonishes him. "But this is a famous chicken. She can actually draw beautiful portraits of anyone," the guy tells the bartender. So the bartender asks for a demon...

This joke may contain profanity. šŸ¤”

So an tiger was smoking in the forest...

... a rat happened past and started laying into him: "We live in such a beautiful forest; you are such a majestic and beautiful creature, why the hell are you killing yourself like this. Come with me and I'll show you sights to live for!"

Intrigued the tiger drops his cigarette and follows th...

A Muslim couple visit a restaurant known for serving exotic food. As they peruse the menu, the husband exclaims, "Wow! That gorilla burger sure looks good!"

His wife looks up in surprise. "That's haram, bae!" she admonishes.

This joke may contain profanity. šŸ¤”

A Priest and a Nun go golfing...

The priest lines up his shot, adjusts his lucky cap, takes a deep breath, and swings! And misses.

"Fuck!" he shouts.

The nun is scandalized and warns the priest-'Father! Watch your language!'
The priest apologizes and decides to move onto the next hole.

He lines up his shot,...

This joke may contain profanity. šŸ¤”

Two little boys had a redneck cousin come over to spend the night.

While they were playing in their fort one of the boys accidentally stepped in the redneck cousin's finger. The redneck cousin said OW MOTHERFUCKER GET OFF MY FINGER!

The two boys had never heard that word before and asked about it. Redneck cousin explained that was the cool adult word that ev...

This joke may contain profanity. šŸ¤”

A shy woman decides to have surgery

She wants to have surgery to remove her large vaginal lips which have always made her self conscious. She finds a doctor and schedules the procedure but swears him to secrecy. "No one can ever know" she admonishes, and he agrees. After the anesthesia wears off she awakes to find three roses on her ...

A family gets a robot for the household.

A family gets a robot. It does many things. It cooks, cleans, and even slaps someone whenever they lie.

One morning, mom, dad and son are sitting at the breakfast table. The boy says to his father, "Dad I don't feel well. I need to stay home from school." Within a second, SMACK! The robo...

Found some gems in my grandpa's old journal, thought r/jokes would appreciate them...

I'll try and transcribe them the way he writes them down, but it is pretty hard since most of them are written in cursive.

Husband got up early Sunday morning to fly a kite. He is having a hard time, kite is going up and down. Wife is watching from the window in her nighty. Finally, she becom...

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