Did you hear about that time a hitman held a writer at gunpoint and forced him to write for Amy Schumer?
The hitman warned him, “Don’t get any funny ideas!”
This joke may contain profanity. 🤔
At times I hide my girlfriends asthma inhaler
just to make her scream “give it to me, give it to me,” so that my neighbour thinks I have a great sex life.
The motto at times with Corona
Do NOT surround yourself with positive people.
A retired man named Dave took a part-time job at a small woodshop, but every morning, he was late.
Five minutes, ten minutes, fifteen minutes. The owner wasn't too upset because Dave was great with customers, but one day he got curious.
"Hey Dave," the owner asked. "What did they say at your last job when you came in late all the time?"
"They said the same thing no matter what tim...
At what time does Sean Connery arrive at Wimbledon?
Tenish.
Why are paperweights so good at time management?
They are always on top of things.
Farming vegetables can get hectic at times,
lettuce romaine calm.
Remember that time Ohm got drunk at a Communist convention?
He made a long-winded speech about the dielectric.
Once a man a was shouting at Times square " The president is an Idiot"
"The president is an Idiot" he yelled
You can't defame the president, a cop arrested him "Hey I didn't say 'our' president, I was talking about China"
Cop replied "Shut up we know exactly which president is an Idiot"
The New Year's celebration at Times Square was pretty disappointing.
They really dropped the ball this year.
Parenting is stressful! Parenting is a sacrifice, it’s exhausting, it’s expensive and at times it feels thankless but….
Eventually you die! -Jim Gaffigan
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