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Adolesce Jokes

A husband and wife are doing a crossword puzzle.

Husband: Programs for mobile devices. 4 letters

Wife: Apps

Husband: Adolescent, 4 letters

Wife: Teen

Husband: Contraction meaning failed to perform, 5 letters

Wife: Didn't

Husband: Take a life, 4 letters

Wife: Kill

Husband: Religious songs, 5 l...

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I spent my adolescence watching porn on dial up.

Now I have a fetish for buffering.

What do call an agoraphobic adolescent?

Quaranteen

Where do adolescent gangsters go?

The childhood

What do cannibals call it when they play with their pre-adolescent food?

Child dish.

Why do adolescent white girls travel in 3's?

Because they can't even.

TIL when China ended the one-child policy in 2015 there was actually a significant rise in adolescent euthanasia.

Sorry, youth in Asia.

The best thing about adolescent humor...

is that it never gets old!

When I was about 9 years old, my father forced me to go with him to the funeral of a friend of his, that I didn't know.

When we got there, I stayed in a corner, waiting for time to pass by. Then a man approached me and said, "Enjoy life boy, be happy because time flies. Look at me now.... I didn't enjoy it." He then passed his hand over my head and left.

My father, before leaving, forced me to say goodbye to ...

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The frustrated parents of an acting-out adolescent go to a developmental therapist for advice on how to handle their kid.

"We don't get it, doc," the father begins, "A couple of months ago, she just stopped talking to us."

"Completely locked us out of everything," the mother continues, "We didn't change anything or do anything different, but it's like a switch was flipped, or something."

The therapist, st...

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A mother cleaning her adolescent sons room finds a stash of hardcore German S&M porno mags...

Mortified, she puts them back so he won't know, but hides one in her apron to show her husband. Later that night they're in bed and she shows him the magazine... The father chuckles at first, assuming it was a Playboy, or Penthouse, but quickly becomes horrified at the images of whippings, and ball ...

Why are teenagers so thick headed?

Because adolescent rhymes surprisingly well with “I don’t listen”.

What perfume do teenagers like?

AdoleSCENTS

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My pet turtle Francois

When I was a kid, I had a pet turtle named Francois. He was just a red eared slider, but I thought he was the coolest thing ever.

One summer, I went to camp, and Francois died. My father was the worst at breaking bad news, so he said Francois was alive and well -- and living with my mother. ...

Tim the Chicken

Tim was a nervous chicken.

He rarely went out in public and spent the majority of his life trying to blend in to the background.

And this devotion to anonymity followed Tim through his entire childhood and adolescence.

As Tim approached his eighteenth birthday, his one friend,...

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A man, a woman, and a skunk.

A husband and wife were returning from visiting relatives out in the country one cold and wintery night, when they came upon an adolescent skunk that appeared injured in the road.

The wife insisted that they stop and render aid to the skunk.

Against his wishes the husband stops and pi...

It's just a monkey.

When an adolescent girl starts growing pubes, she asks her mother about what's going on with her. The mother replies "it's just a monkey who is starting to grow hair". Later at the dinner table, she tells her older sister that her monkey had started growing hair. The sister replies "Mine even starte...

Rather than kill it, my girlfriend told me to catch this spider in our kitchen and take him out.

So I did. I got a big ol' jar and put it over him then slid an index card under and flipped. Apply lid to jar, phase one was complete.

Next step, take him out. I opened the door and went outside. I walked across my lawn to the street where my car was parked. I got in my car with my jar-spide...

Better be Good

**Sarah and her thirteen-year-old sister had been fighting a lot this year. This happens when you combine a headstrong two-year-old, who is sure she is always right, with a young adolescent.**

**Sarah's parents, trying to take advantage of her newfound interest in Santa Claus, reminded the tw...

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Shut Up

A young bluebird was flying from tree to tree in the brisk autumn air when he heard his parents call. Upon arriving back to the nest they tell the young avian to prepare for the trip south.

The little bluebird stubbornly inquires why, to which papa bluebird replies with details of heavy and c...

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Roger the Living Head [Story Joke]

So there's this newly married couple, and they love each other quite a bit. So they decide they're going to have a child. Nine months goes by and it's time for the child to be delivered, but when the doctors pull the baby out, it is only a head. It's still crying and healthy, but it has no body besi...

The Silver Woman [Long]

One dark night a Frenchman by the name of Guillaume was hiking through the forest. Enraptured by the natural beauty of the world around him, he paused for a moment, taking in the cool breeze blowing through the trees, the sparkling ceiling of stars, and sighed contentedly. Looking up he saw a bright...

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