UPJOKE
refrainfastdesistavoidforbeareschewrefrainingabstentionrefuseendorserejectforbidpartakeexpelexclude

Abstaining Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Abstaining

Three couples went to see a minister each wanting to become members of his church. The minister said they would all have to abstain from sex for two weeks and then come back and tell him how it went. He explained that their acceptance would be based on how willing they were to make small sacrifices ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What does a Magician call abstaining from sex?

*Coitus Avoidus!*

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Gandhi

Did you know that Gandhi used to have hot young women sleep naked in his bed with him? The idea was that he could conquer his baser desires and prove his self-control by abstaining from sex with them.

I tried a similar thing by leaving half a box of Double Stuff Oreos on my counter, and I gue...

An idiot moves to a very religious catholic neighborhood.

This particular idiot loved to eat chicken, so he grilled it every day. Now, on Fridays, the people of his neighborhood would get irritated that someone was eating meat when they had to abstain, so they took it up with their pastor. Their pastor then went to the idiot, and told him about the message...

The local journalist heard about a man turning 100 years old who had never had any alcohol in his life.

The journalist decided to interview him to highlight the health benefits of abstaining.

On the day of the interview the journalist is led into the old man's house by his caregiver. The caregiver took him to the old man who was bedridden and hooked up to an oxygen tank.

"So you've never...

E COLI OUTBREAK

Because of the E coli outbreak with romaine, convicts are abstaining from tossing anyone's salad

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Ole and Lena want to join the local church

So they go meet the pastor. The pastor says “This church very high standards for our members. In order for me to accept you as new members, you will have to prove you are worthy by abstaining from sex for 30 days”.

Ole and Lena look at each other and said “Ya, sure, vee vill give it a try”...

I’m a fat man starting to feel spiritual

As I looked into all the different religions, I found that that all of them, in one way or another, involved abstaining from food. Hindus, for example all give up beef. Mormons boycott alcohol and coffee. As a Catholic you can eat anything most of the year, but have to give up the foods like most fo...

@theRiver

A pastor was completing a sermon on abstaining from drinking alcohol.


With great expression, he said, ‘If I had all of the beer in the world, I’d take it and throw it into the river.’ 

With even greater emphasis, he said, ‘And if I had all of the wine in the world, I’d take it and ...

Temple of Eternal Light

Three couples are meeting with the Grand Guru of the Temple of Eternal Light, hoping to increase their sense of meaning and connectedness with the world. After listening to his sermon in rapture they ask how to join the Temple of Eternal Light.

"You must first demonstrate your commitment to t...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There was an engaged couple...

talking to a priest about the possibility of getting married in his church.

"You two look like fine young lovers, and I would be happy to marry you, but first you must prove your loyalty to one another by abstaining from sex for a month."

The couple agreed and they all planned to meet ...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.