The train was packed. He went searching for a seat as he came by a middle aged woman and her dog. He asked her "may I please have that seat", the woman replied "you Americans are so rude, cant you see my little Fifi is sitting here". The soldier walks the length of the train and back to cross the wo...
When Max went to his violin lessons, he found a gun in his case.
"Oh my god!" he yelped "Now my old man is in the bank with my violin."
A dog walked into a bar and asked for a beer.
One of the other bar patrons, a cowboy with a six-shooter, scoffed.
“I don’t want to drink at the same bar as a dog.”
The dog, offended, challenged the man to a fight. The man looked him up and down then dismissed the pup with a wave of his hand.
"I'm not killing a dog."
...
A guy was shopping at an outdoor fish market...
His dog was nosing around and all the sudden a lobster reached out of its tank and grabbed the dog's tail. The dog yelped and ran down the street with the lobster securely in tow. "That's a good trick, Mister," said the fishmonger, "but call your dog so I can have my lobster back!" The guy looks ...
My friend Jack …
… woke up on January 1st 2021, glanced over at his wife Edna and was suprised to see that she looked weirdly pixelated.
“Oh my god!” he yelped with a look of confusion and growing concern on his face, “What happened last night?!”
Seeing his expression, Edna reached over to ...
1980s European leaders Mitterrand, Brezhnev and Thatcher were flying around Europe in a helicopter, trying to recognize cities without seeing them.
Thatcher went first. She stuck her ear out the window and stated: "I can hear Big Ben chime. This is London!"
Next was Mitterrand. He stuck his nose out and stated: "I can smell fresh baguette. This is Paris!"
Last was Brezhnev. He stuck his hand out and yelped: "What... hey! Somebody ...
A couple were at their wit's end with their two sons...
So they sent for a fire and brimstone preacher who they had heard had success in correcting the behavior of naughty children. He came into their house on a dark, stormy night, dressed in black in a long coat, still dripping with rain. He brought the youngest into a room and shut the door, then turne...
Wholesome Prison joke from my uncle’s dad
So there are a group of men serving simultaneous life sentences in prison. They’ve served 20 years together already and over all those years to fill the time they told each other jokes. These jokes they’ve loved so much and were told so many times; that they have been able to tell them by numbers al...
One hot and dry day in the Wild West, this dog walks into a saloon and says, "Gimme a beer".
Evidently this type of thing wasn't too rare 'round those parts because the bartender said, "I'm sorry, but we don't serve dogs here." The dog then took out a silver dollar, dropped it on the bar, and said, "Look, I got money, and I want a beer." This scene had the potential to get ugly. The bartend...
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