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Warped Jokes

A newly married couple

A newly married couple make their way to bed and everything is going well until...

"Ooh! Oh! Look at that! What's wrong with it?" cries the bride.

"It's just my junk!" says the groom, offended.

"Yes, but's what's wrong with it? They're not supposed to look like that! It's all tw...

Thanks to video games, kids today have a warped sense of the word "Boss"...

Last weekend I introduced my son to my boss ...he drank a potion, then attacked her!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Scientist, Mathematician, and an Idiot are in a car. Crashing into a tree, all three die. They are sent to purgatory, where the Devil is waiting.

(Of course, the idiot was driving)

"Unfortunately, since heaven is quite full at the moment, I am only going to allow one of you in," the Devil says. "Whoever can ask me a question that I cannot answer correctly will be admitted into heaven. The rest will go to hell."

So the scientist ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A priest and an atheist are golfing together…

From the tee, the atheist is playing a great game. He’s already under par and has a clear easy put for the first hole. He takes his shot and misses. “Damn! Missed the bugger!”

The priest is taken aback by the language, but lets it slide. At the next hole, again the atheist is set up for an ea...

My dyslexic uncle ruined Christmas...

He warped all the presents

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A newfie, an American and a Englishman....

Are stranded on a desert island. Each day they search for a way home and some food to survive until the next when one day the Englishman stumbles upon a mysterious lamp. The Englishman rubs it and a genie appears.

"I will grant you one wish"
"Grant me to be home with my wife and kids" ...

Never Make a Light-speed Vessel Out of Wood.

It'd just end up warped.

A cynical man wishes to a Genie that he would be a psychic.

The Genie nods and snaps his fingers, and the man is warped back to his home.

Eager to see if the Genie was telling the truth, the man tests his power on a friend. When he failed to make the right guess, he shouted in frustration.

"God. I KNEW this would happen!"

I have a lot in common with my brake rotors..

We're both warped and barely functioning.

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