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Wade Jokes

Angela Merkel, Vladimir Putin and Donald Trump are shot during a conference and die...

Up in the sky, they are greeted by Saint Peter who says: ‚You have died. As you are politicians, surely you have sinned. Therefore you must wade through the Swamp of Lies before you can go to Heaven and join Him in eternal happiness.‘

As in her former life, Merkel wants to tackle every challe...
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Roe vs Wade is in the news again.

Right now, it's the two main forms of Houston transportation
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Wade walks into a drug store

Once in there, he asked to talk to a male pharmacist.
The woman he was talking to said that she was the only pharmacist and as she and
her sister owned the store, there were no male employees. She then asked if she could help him.

Wade said that it was something that he would be much...
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Six Supreme Court justices, floating face-down in a river

All 6 conservative members of the SCOTUS got stranded in the woods with only a giant suitcase and a couple of paddles. Then they came to a raging river- it was fast-moving, wide and rocky but only waist deep. They began to bicker over how to get across. Kavanaugh, Thomas, and Gorsuch said "We are st...
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Roe v. Wade...

Which is the best way to cross a lake?
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An IT guy goes to hell

When he gets there the devil begins to explain his everlasting torment. "Down here you will wade in scalding magma, always burning and unable to die. There will be noxious fumes that pour into your lungs, you will always be suffocating but always conscious. You will be whipped and flayed and never r...
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"So what's your opinion on Roe vs. Wade?

"Well, I prefer to float"
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I asked my Chinese student what Roe vs. Wade is...

He said: two ways to get to America
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Did you hear what Trump said about Roe vs. Wade?

I don't care HOW those damn Cubans get home.
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If Roe v Wade is reversed, we are going to have a huge problem on our hands.

No one can pronounce Edaw v Eor correctly.
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Well, if Roe v Wade gets overturned...

... at least women of color will still be able to get legal abortions. Just tell a cop it looks dangerous.
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Everyone needs to chill the hell out about Roe V. Wade.

Honestly, they're both valid ways to get across water.
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Being in a canoe forces you to make a very tough decision.

Roe vs Wade
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A right-wing law firm is trying to overturn Roe v Wade.

They find their test plaintiff, a man whose daughter had gotten an abortion after he forbade it. The firm sues the doctors, and the appeals go all the way to the Supreme Court, exactly as intended. The Court even agrees to hear the case ... only to uphold Roe v Wade, 5 - 4.

All in all, it w...
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Hey man you just have to believe in yourself and even if you can't swim yet, you can wade through the water head up high...

Nope, I am only 4'10 and this is deep.
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At the hearings, Kavanaugh was asked how he would prefer to cross a waist deep river, in a rowboat or simply walk across it

He said he doesn't want to give an opinion on Row Vs. Wade
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A guy dies and is sent to hell

Satan meets him, shows him doors to three rooms, and says “You must choose one to spend eternity in.”

In the first room, people are standing in shit up to their necks. The guy says, “Let me see the next room.”

In the second room, people are standing in shit up to their noses. The gu...

I paid a hooker $400 to get “the girlfriend experience”.

We just argued for an hour over Roe v Wade
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So Jesus decides to come back to earth...

He gets his friend Moses to come with him, and Moses tells him he should warm up doing miracles before he shows anyone. They rent a cabin on a lake out in the middle of nowhere.

The first day, Jesus takes a wine glass, fills it with water and turns it into wine! Moses is suitably impressed....
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What's the difference between canoeing and swimming?

Row vs wade
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It turns out I was guilty of a major misconception with this whole abortion thing

I thought "Row vs Wade" was a decision shipwreck survivors had to make
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During his physical examination, a doctor asked a man about his physical activity level.

He described a typical day this way:


"Well, yesterday afternoon, I took a five hour walk about 7 miles through some pretty rough terrain.
I waded along the edge of a lake. I pushed my way through brambles.
I got sand in my shoes and my eyes.
I avoided standing on a snake....

I was trying to cross a river into Canada illegally

But I couldn't decide to Row Vs Wade
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If you want to get in a canoe go ahead. If you want to enjoy the lake without a canoe that's fine too.

I just don't get why row vs wade is so controversial. Can't we all just enjoy the lake together?
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A rather bad man dies and meets Satan...

A rather bad man dies and meets Satan in a room with three doors. Satan explains, "I have good news and bad news. The bad news is that you have to spend eternity behind one of these doors. But, the good news is that you can take a peek behind each and take your choice."

So, the man opened the...
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Swimming Contest

Swimming contest
Joe and Jim were at the lake. Joe said, “Let’s have a swimming contest.” Jim said, “No way, you know you’ll win. You’re twice as fast as me.”


Joe said, “Well, how about if you take the canoe across while I swim? Will you race then?”


“Oka...
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An Easter laugh

Moses & Jesus were walking along the shore of the sea.

Moses asked, “You ever wonder if you can still do “it”?”

Jesus replied, “Sometimes. How about you?”

“Yeah. Let’s see if we can!”

Moses turned to the sea, raised his hands and spread them apart. The sea parted and ...
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Picking a Supreme Court Justice is a lot like crossing a river...

It all comes down to Roe v Wade
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Chemistry Joke

So a Physicist, Chemist and Biologist walk down the beach to the ocean. They stand together and watch the waves as the water splashes up to meet their feet. "Look at those waves, the shear crushing weight of the water powered by tidal forces! I must study them further!" Says the Physicist, as he wal...

A 10 year old protestant boy and a 10 year old catholic girl are standing on a river bank.

A 10 year old protestant boy and a 10 year old catholic girl are standing on a river bank.

The girl says, "my mom will be really angry if my shoes get wet"
And so they both agree to remove their shoes prior to entering the water.

They wade into the water and it starts getting deeper...
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It was bedtime at Micheal Jackson’s house

Wade didn’t want to go to bed so MJ said ok how about I show you a magic trick first, will you go to bed after?
Wade agreed
They had a shower and sat on the edge of the bed in their gowns.
MJ Said ok now for the magic trick, come here and sit on my lap...
Young Wade sits on his lap. <...
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What do you name a pro-choice dog?

Rover Wade
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One day in heaven, Jesus sees a familiar-looking old man sitting by a lake.

"Moses, is that you?"

"Jesus, you rascal, how have you been?"

"Oh, good, no complaints. Say, you know that thing you did with the Red Sea?"

"You mean parting it?"

"Yeah, that. I missed watching you do that the first time, and well, we're here by this big lake, so I was wo...
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Washington state salmon fisheries are suing campers who have been walking in shallow waters where salmon traditionally spawn

The case is Roe vs. Wade.
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Did you hear about the case between the boater and the swimmer?

It was better known as Row vs. Wade


I'll show myself out.....
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Putin dies and goes to hell.

He's met by the devil, who explains to him that he will be shown three different floors and he has to choose which one to spend eternity in.

The devil takes Putin to the first floor where everyone is standing on their heads on a wooden floor. Anytime someone started to tip or fall over, litt...
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Made for each other - a thread

How would you describe the perfect couple of eggs?

- Laid for each other

How would you describe the perfect couple of prostitutes?

- Paid for each other

How would you describe the perfect couple of necrophilliacs?

- Dead for each other


How would you desc...

I never said he was dumb...

I simply said that Roe v. Wade are not two methods of crossing the Potomac.
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I'm glad the Astros won the World Series

The people of Houston have waded so long for this.
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Sarah Palin is getting a new outdoor TV show on the Sportsman Channel.

The first show will feature her in a river deciding to row vs. wade.
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I was in the middle of a lake in a canoe with my girl friend last week when suddenly the boat sprung a leak. We had to decide whether to try and get the boat back to shore or abandon ship.

We had a real row v. wade debate that day.
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Did you hear about the debate between Houston and Florida?

It's Roe v. Wade
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A man died and went to hell . . .

. . . and the devil is giving him the usual tour.

"Now we have a new policy here," said the devil. "You get your choice of spending eternity in one of three rooms."

The devil shows him the first room. It's full of naked people doing nothing but standing on their heads.

He th...
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What Supreme Court decision applies to fishermen bringing a small boat to shore?

Row v. Wade
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What options does an abortionist have to get ashore?

Row vs. Wade
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Best place to spend a life in hell...

So, a man dies and goes to Hell. When he arrives he is greeted and shown around by a member of Hell’s HR department. He is told that he had three options as to where he will spent eternity.

The HR demon opens up door number one and the room is filled with people standing on their heads on a w...

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Limericks eh ?

There was this girl from Boston, Mass.
She wade into the sea and wet her ankles,
it doesn't rhyme now,
but just wait until the tide comes in

Dry humor about water.

So these two guys are in a cabin in the woods by a small pond in Vermont.

One says, "Hey, go fetch some water to drink."

So the other takes a pail and wades out into the pond to get water. He looks up and there is a bear across the pond looking at him and growling!

The guy drops...
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Jesus, Chuck Norris, and the Pope go for a walk...

They come up to a wide and deep river with no bridge nor a boat. Jesus and Chuck simply walk over the water. The Pope goes and sinks to his ankles.

"Oh Lord almighty help me!"

Jesus says: "Just believe and you will be able to walk on water!"

He continues and sinks to his knees.<...
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A farmer buys a rooster for his hens but with a warning from the seller...

A farmer needs to buy a rooster for his hens but the seller warns him that the rooster is unusually amorous and will attempt to copulate with any living creature.

Since the farmer is in dire need after a few foxes have made off with his previous roosters, he takes the risk as part of the bar...

Sales

It seems that Abe and Morey, two salesmen for an advertising agency,were traveling together through the midwest, when they were caught between towns during a driving snow storm. The further they went, the worse conditions got, and they finally slid off into a ditch. Fortunately there was a house qui...
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A fisherman took his boat far out to sea. He hooked a huge fish, and fought it for hours.

Unfortunately, as he wasn’t strapped into his seat, he was yanked overboard, and began to drown. Suddenly, he was rescued and brought back to his boat by a pair of dolphins. Without thinking, the fisherman thanked them.
They replied, “You’re welcome!” Aghast, the fisherman said, “You can talk! Th...
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During My Trip to Paris

While I was in Paris, me and my friends decided to go for a swim during an awfully cold day. We went down to the river, and as I waded in the water, I called my mom to tell her what I was doing. She replied,
"What are you, in Seine!?"
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Man goes to hell and is offered one of three rooms for eternity. [long]

Man goes to hell and is greeted by Satan. Satan says "Right this way, sir, you can have your choice of one of three rooms to spend eternity in."

Satan takes him to the first one and he sees a room with wood floors and some people standing on their heads. He looks around around and says "That ...

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Scoutmaster

Dear Dad & Mom,

Our scoutmaster told us all write to our parents in case you saw the flood on TV and worried. We are OK. Only 1 of our tents and 2 Sleeping bags got washed away.

Luckily, none of us got drowned because we we're all up on the mountain looking for Chad when it happen...

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prize winning pig [long]

The Johnson brothers have had longstanding rivalry with fellow farmers the Taft brothers for a decade. The Taft brothers constantly show them up, and Billy (the oldest) decides he's finally had enough, and this year they are going to win the prize for biggest pig at the county fair. He comes up with...

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One of my dad's favorites..

A man dies and finds himself at the pearly gates of heaven. St. Peter greets him and stops him from entering. While this man was not a really bad man, neither was he particularly good and St. Peter sends him down to hell. When he gets there, he is greeted by the devil, who tells him that there are t...

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A Dark Joke

A marine hits the beach during D-Day. As he wades ashore under fire he drops his gun in the water. He runs up to his commander and says, "Sergent! I lost my gun!"

"Son! If you see a German, pretend you're holding a gun, point it at that sonnofabitch and shout 'Bangity-bang-bang'!".

The...

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7 hilarious jokes

A guy meets a sex worker in a bar. She says, ‘This is your lucky night. I’ve got a special game for you. I’ll do absolutely anything you want for £300 as long as you can say it in three words.’ The guy replies, ‘Hey, why not?’ He pulls his wallet out of his pocket and lays £300 on the bar, and says ...

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A group of sick minded friends and a cow.

A group of friends are on a beef farm and are bored and looking for something too do. The sick minded one of the group (there's always one) suggets that they should see if they can plug a cows arse. Being a group of sick fuckers, they all think it's a great idea. They go ahead and put a cork up one ...

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There was once these three students...

... and they were told to conduct an experiment of their choice. So the bought an elephant and put a cork in its ass and fed it non stop for 3 weeks. The idea was to see if it would all discharge at once. They had everything for the experiment ready: the hired a field had transport of the elephant b...

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An elderly couple from Ohio are planning their 40th anniversary...

The couple, who were rabid basketball fans, had used the last 39 years to have an annual foray into their shared passion for the NBA. They went to games when they could, had gone to the Basketball Hall of Fame (four times so far), but usually just celebrated by getting each other neat collector's i...

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Charlie goes to hell

Charlie was very, very bad, and when he died he went to Hell, of course. He was SO bad that the Devil met him personally, shook his hand and said

"Charlie, just for you we are giving you a choice of not one not two but three - that's THREE - Hells to choose from! YOU get to pick where you'll ...

A joke my Cousin told to me when I was 5, that I rewrote one day. The Rabi and the Trids (WARNING: LONG)

This is the story of a Rabbi named Steven. Steven was lost in the mountains of Bolivia one day. He had embarked from Lima weeks ago, but his translator had taken a rather nasty tumble and was no longer with him. But the Rabbi continued. He walked forward and up, perhaps being guided by a higher forc...
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