I usually feed Tums to ants

Because it's like antacid to them.

If you ever want to cause an ant to have a psychedelic trip, feed it Tums

Because it’s antacid.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My dear Watson, I appear to have mixed up my Tums with my Imodium.

Watson: No shit Sherlock.

My Tums say they go to work in seconds

Well I’ve had the bottle for months and they haven’t brought home even one paycheck or done any of the chores

If an ant ate Tums, would it die or trip balls?

Ya know, cuz Tums are antacids.

What do you call Tums in suppository form?

Bums

What does a ghost take when they have acid reflux?

Phan-Tums

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy walks into a bar and sits down. He starts calling numbers... like a telephone... on his hand and talking in his hand.

The bartender walks over and tells him this is a very
tough neighbourhood and he doesn't need any trouble
here.

The guy says, You don't understand. I'm very hi-tech. I
had a phone installed in my hand because I was tired of carrying the cellular.
The bartender says 'Prove it'. ...

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