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Daisy Jokes

Knock-knock, who’s there? Daisy! Daisy who?

Daisy me rollin, they hattin

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Donald Duck wanted a divorce for Daisy

His lawyer tells Donald, "I am sorry, but you can't divorce Daisy just because she is insane."

Donald replies, "I never said she was insane. I said that she was fucking Goofy."

An innocent joke to cheer you up...

Lulu, a little girl asks her mum, "Mum, can I take Daisy (a dog) for a walk around the block?"

Mum replies "No, because she is in heat."

"What does that mean?" asked Lulu.

"Go and ask your father. I think he's in the garage."

Lulu goes out to the garage and says,
"Dad,...

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Donald Duck and Daisy Duck were spending the night together in a hotel room

-and Donald wanted to have sex with Daisy.

The first thing Daisy asked was, "Do you have a condom?"

Donald frowned and said, "No."

Daisy told Donald that if he didn't get a condom, they could not have sex.

"Maybe they sell them at the front desk," she suggested.

So...

Dad, I lost my key

Daisy called her dad, "Dad, I lost my key of the front door, I'm in front of the house and cannot enter it, can you help?"

Dad, "OK, did you call your hubby?"

Daisy, "I didn't, but he texted me back said he's in a meeting and cannot come back in a few hours."

Dad, "So, do ...

Two older couples decide to go out for dinner.

The two husbands sit in the front seat, and the two wives in the rear. The driver asks "Where should we go"? The other gentleman says "We had some great fish the other day". "Where was that?" comes the reply. The passenger gets a confused look on his face. He thinks for a bit and says "Give me the n...

One night mario woke up to find daisy in bed with him

Now that's what I call a nintendo switch

"Father, why is my name 'Rose'?

"Because just after you were born, a rose petal landed on your head when we were leaving the hospital."


"Is that also why my sister's name is 'Daisy'?"


"Yes it is."


"eherrnnanenhahenrnanehh"


"Quiet, Brick"

What is it called when two flowers have an unplanned pregnancy?

An Oopsie-daisy!

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A Little girl was digging a hole in her back yard.

When her neighbour said, hello Daisy what you digging a hole for?

Daisy replied, I am burying my goldfish, neighbour said, that is a very big hole for a goldfish why so big? Daisy replied.

Because it's inside your fucking cat.

Knock knock. Who's there? Daisy. Daisy who?

Daisy me rollin. They hatin. Patrollin and tryna catch me ridin dirty.

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Sick of all the comments I get when I wear my daisy dukes..

“Why are your legs so hairy” and “Sir, your penis is hanging out”

I hadn't put my own picture up on my dating profile, just a picture of my pickup

I hadn't put my own picture up on my dating profile, just a picture of my pickup. But that's okay, because she'd just put a picture of her dog. I sent her a message, something almost-clever like "your dog can ride in my pickup any time," and she responded.

We clicked pretty quickly, and sta...

Why is my name daisy..

A baby cow asks her mother “why is my name daisy?” The mother says “Because when you were born a daisy landed on your head.” Another baby cow asks “why is my name rose?” The mother than says again, “because when you were born a rose fell on your head.” Than you hear “DURDUHUEIJWJAI.” ..mother cow-...

My 11 year old Niece told me this joke today.

A dad is driving his three kids to school. The first kid asks, "Dad, why did you call me blossom?" The dad answered, "when you were born and we left the hospital, a leaf fell from a blossom tree. So we called you blossom."

The second kid then asks, "why did you call me Daisy?" The dad answere...

Ryan Reynolds, Randall Park, Birdy, Daisy Ridley, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Chris Evans, Margot Robbie, Mark Ruffalo, Taylor Swift, and Donald Trump are playing Among Us.

They start by picking a color.

Trump declares he is Orange: “ I will be Orange because that’s my skin color!”

Daisy then adds, “If you wanna ridicule yourself then fine, I’ll pick blue.

Taylor Swift: “Cyan for the sky.”

Mark Ruffalo: “Hulk green, Hulk pick GREEEEEEN!”
...

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A boy was walking home from school when he passed by a stray cat.

The cat was trying to drink water that had spilt on the tarmac near it. The boy saw that the tarmac was dirty, and was worried that the cat would get sick if it kept drinking the water. He started to slowly walk towards the cat while taking out his water bottle from his school bag. Once he got close...

Knock Knock

\-Who's there?
\~Daisy
\-Daisy who?
\~Daisy me rollin'!





I know it's terrible but my aunt named Daisy just came up with this and I thought it was so stupid it made it funny and wanted to share.

Three girls are in the back seat, their parents are in the front

Girl 1: Mom, why did you name me Violet?

Mother: Oh Violet, your grandmother dropped a violet on your head the day you were born.

Girl 2: Mom, why did you name me Daisy?

Mother: When we were walking out of the hospital the nurse put a daisy on your head.

Girl 3: Jwoandb...

A woman had three young daughters...

One day, the first daughter came to her and said "Mama, how did I get my name?"

"Well, the day you were born, a beautiful lily flower floated in through the window and landed on your head, so we named you Lily."

The second daughter asks "Mama, how did I get my name?"

"Well, the ...

A young farm couple, Homer and Daisy, got married and just couldn't seem to get enough lovin'. In the morning, before Homer left the house for the fields, they made love.

When Homer came back from the fields, they made love. After supper, they made love. And again at bedtime, they made love.

The problem was their nooner: it took Homer a half hour to travel home and another half hour to return to the fields and he just wasn't getting enough work done.

Fi...

There are three girls, one named Tulip, one named Daisy, and one named Brick.

One day, three girls and their mom are walking down the street. One is named Tulip, one is named Daisy, and one is named Brick. Tulip asks, "Mommy, why am I named Tulip?", "Oh, because a bunch of Tulips fell on you when you were born," Her mom said. "Well, why am I named Daisy?", "Because a bunch of...

Which flower is the clumsiest?

The whoopsy daisy!

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Three children ask their parents how they got their names

The parents reply to the first child, “That’s east Rose, not long after you were born a rose petal fell onto your head”.

The second child butts in, “But dad where did you you get the name Daisy?”

“The same as your sister, a daisy petal fell on your head”

“Mughuahuhwawawah”
...

A mother and her 2 daughters are at a cemetery

One of the kids is curious and asks her mom “Mommy, why am I named Rose?”

Their mom replies “Because when you were a baby, a rose petal fell on your head.”

Her second daughter asks “Mommy, why am I named Daisy?”

Her mom replies “Because when you were a baby, a daisy petal fell o...

A little girl ask to her mom: "mom, why am I named Rosa?"

And her mom said: "because when you were born a rose fell on you head"

Her sister Daisy heatrs this and ask: "why is my name Daisy?"

And her mom said: because when you were born a daisy fell in your head"

When their brother Brick heard this, he ask: "GHTAKNDIALFJKQODK"

There is only one mom

At school, the children were given the topic "There is only one mom" for their homework.

On the second day at school, Daisy reads her homework:

*My mom is good, she takes care of us, looks after us. There is only one such mother.*

Frank reads the homework:

*No mom is as g...

A cow is talking to her three calves

The first calf asks "Why is my name Daisy?"

The cow replies, "When you were born, a daisy fell onto your head, sweetie."

The second calf asks "Why is my name Rose?"

The cow replies, "When you were born, a rose fell onto your head, dear."

The third calf says "Hargendflarfr...

"There are Five Cows on a farm"...

One mamma cow and four baby calves. The first baby walks up to the mom and asks, "Momma, why is my name Rose?" The mommy cow replies, "Well honey, a rose petal fell on your head when you were born." The next calf comes up and asks, "Momma, why is my name Lily?" The mother replies, "Because honey, a ...

A child asked his mom, "Mom how did I get my name?"

"Well Rose, when you were born a rose petal fell on your head, so we called you Rose"

Another child came up to her " Mom how did you get my name?"

"Well Daisy, when you were born, a daisy petal fell on you, so that's what we called you.

Child 3: "Mmmm Uuuuuuuuuu Mmmmmmmmm Eeeee...

Three cows graze in a field

The first cow, Rose, says, “I was named Rose because the first thing my head touched was a beautiful, red rose.”

The second cow, Daisy, says, “My mother named me Daisy because when I was born, I fell out headfirst onto a beautiful field of daisies.”.

The third cow, Brick, says, “Guuuh”

Donald Duck was walking trough Mario's castle

When He saw the princess He said:

Hi Daisy!

To wich She replied:

I'm Peach Donald.

Rose

Daughter 1: Daddy, why am I named Rose?

Dad: Because when your mother gave birth to you, a rose petal fell on your head.

Daughter 2: What about me?

Dad: Because, Daisy, when you were born, a daisy petal fell on your head.

Son: *walks in* Anso nai?!

Dad: Oh, hey, Br...

A father Is lounging in his study..

When one of his daughters walks in and asks "Daddy.. why is my name Rose?" The father replys "Because when you were born, we dropped a rose petal on your face." The second daughter barges in and asks "Daddy why Is my name Daisy?" The father replys "Because when you were born, we dropped a daisy peta...

Knock knock

-Who is there?

-Daisy

-Daisy who?

-Daisy me rolling

Three kids walk into a room

The first kid says to their mom ”mom why am I name daisy?”

The mom replies ”because when you were born a daisy landed on your head”

the second kid asks ”mom why am I named rose”

The mom replied ”because when you were born I found a rose landed on your head”

The third k...

Little Tommy goes to his mom...

Little Tommy goes to his mom and asks, “Mom, can I take the dog for a walk?”

His mom replies, “Not now, Tommy. She’s in heat.”

“What’s heat?” he asks.

“Your dad’s in the garage. Go ask him.”

Tommy finds his dad in the garage. He says, “Dad, I wanna take Daisy for a walk b...

Two cows are standing next to each other in a field...

Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning."

"I don't believe you," says Dolly.

Daisy exclaims, "It's true, no bull!"

A man walks into a Coffee Shop

And orders an espresso. While drinking it, a massively scarred Norwegian dude stumbles in the bar.
"What happened?" The man asks as he downs his espresso.
"There's a Chupacabra 10km east from here." The Norwegian dude rasps before dying.
So the Man gets on his tricycle and travels 10km east...

Knock, knock...

'Who's there?'

'Daisy!'

'Daisy who?'

'Daisy me rollin' they hatin'!'

My wife told me I planted the wrong flowers.

oopsie daisy

How did you get your name?

A grade school meets her new class at the start of the year and starts asking them their names.

She goes to the first child, “What is your name?”
The girl replied, “Lilly”.
The teacher says, “That’s a lovely name, how did you get your name?”
The girl replied, “Because when I was born...

a dad and his kids

kid 1: papa how did i get my name?
dad: well rose when you where a baby a rose fell on your head and that's how you got your name
kid 2: what about me papa?
dad: well daisy when you where a child a daisy fell on your head
kid 3: EEEEEERGGGGG
dad: oh hi brick

Mum, why am I named Penny?

Mum: "Well, as you know, your dad has a habit of tossing and playing with a coin when he's nervous, and when you were born and your dad went to embrace you, the penny fell on your head. We named you accordingly."

Penny: "Wow, that's how I got my name!"

Daisy: :Mum, was that the same wa...

It seems that today you either have to dress like a masculine motor king or a feminine flower queen; I wish there was a middle ground.

A daisy duke if you will.

My girlfriend asked me if I like English crumpets

Apparently "Yeah, Keira Knightley and Daisy Ridley are gorgeous!" was the wrong answer

A man sat quietly reading his morning paper one Sunday morning.

Suddenly, he is knocked almost senseless by his wife, who stands behind him holding a frying pan in hand.

"What was that for?" he asked.

"Why do you have a piece of paper in your pocket with 'Daisy; written on it?" his wife demanded.

"Oh honey, don't you remember two weeks ago ...

A man with three daughters

Was sitting on his couch one day when his oldest daughter comes up to him and asks, dad why did you rose? He replies, well when you were born me and your mother took you to the park and a rose petal fell on you forehead, so we decided to name you rose. She accepts this and goes on her way. A little ...

A father and his 3 daughters.

A father is sitting in his den when his 3 daughters approach him. The first says "daddy, why am I named Rose?"

The father replies "well when your mommy and I took you from the hospital, a rose petal fell on your head. So we called you Rose."

The next daughter asked "daddy, why am I nam...

An elderly couple visits their friends

After a fine dinner, the men retreat into the library to smoke cigars and to have a conversation.

"Last week me and my wife ate at this great restaurant."

"Really? What was it called?"

"Let me think....what's that flower with a yellow center and white petals?"

"A daisy?"...

Men helping men.

I was at an Ikea this last weekend, wandering around the show room, when I absentmindedly ran into a young guy doing the same thing.

I apologized to him, explaining that I'd I'd been mesmerized by the massive quantity of things and had somehow wandered away from my wife. With my mind preoccup...

A nurse was walking through a maternity ward, checking on the new arrivals and their mothers..

She walked into the first room where a woman had hold of her precious newborn child with the face of an angel. She asked the mother what the name was, to which the mother replied,

"I called her Rose because when i was going into labour, a rose petal drifted in through the window and landed on...

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A kid asks his mother about his cousins...

"Mommy, why is my cousin named Rose?"

The mother replied, "Because your aunt loves roses."

The boy replies, "What about my other cousin, Daisy?"

"Your aunt also loved daisies." The mother added calmly.

"So why is my name-"

The mother interjects, "Be quiet and eat y...

What do you call it when you accidentally drop a flower?

An oopsy daisy.

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A Mother of three is sitting on her porch.

One of her daughters walks up to her and asks "Mommy, why am I named Rose?" Mommy replies with "because when you were very young, a rose fell on your head." Rose wonders off.

Her second daughter comes up looking puzzled and asks, "mommy, why am I named Daisy?" Mommy replies with "because whe...

A little girl asks her father how she got her name

"well honey a rose petal landed on your head as we were carrying you out of the hospital, so we named you rose."

his younger daughter runs up to him "and how did i get my name daddy?"

"well honey a lily petal landed on your head as we were carrying you out of the hospital, so we named ...

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What do you call group sex in Duckburg?

A Daisy chain.

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The following add in the Atlanta Journal is reported to have received numerous calls

“Single female seeks male companionship, ethnicity unimportant.

I am a very good-looking girl who loves to play.

I love long walks in the woods, riding in your pickup truck, hunting, camping, and fishing trips, cozy winter nights lying by the fire.

Candlelight dinners will have ...

Two old friends are catching up for the first time in a few months.

Dave: How's those memory pills you're on Bill, are they working?

Bill: They're fantastic mate, couldn't be happier. I'm remembering old faces, recalling old times, I'm very happy.

Dave: Hmm, what are they called, I might have to get some for myself.

Bill: Oh, umm, gee, what's th...

Mom why do they call me...

[So my friend told me this joke today]

A little girl walks into her mother's room and asks 'mom, why did you name me daisy?'
'Because when you were born a daisy petal fell on your head,' she replied.
The next child walks in and says 'mom, why did you name me rose?'
'Because when you...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two cows are standing in a field...

One cow turns to the other and says "Daisy, are you worried about catching this 'Mad Cow' disease that's been going around?"

The other cow replies "Don't be so stupid Buttercup! I can't catch it because I'm a helicopter!"

I asked my 3yo daughter if I should get a minivan...

She said, no, you should get a Daisy van.

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Mickey asks Minnie for divorce

Minnie: Are you fucking crazy!?

Mickey: No, i'm fucking Daisy.

Two sclerotic grannies are coming back from the cinema.

They encounter a grandson of one of them, who asks:
- "Hi grandma, what movie did you watch at the cinema?"
The old lady tries to remember the word she wants to say, but has trouble due to her bad memory, so she tries to guide the boy with the hints.
- "Umm... It's that thing that sticks fr...

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Chauncey and Edgar catching up....

Chauncey and Edgar were very old friends who had not seen each other for a while and they wanted to catch up. Edgar invited Chauncey over for lunch. "We're getting on in years" Chauncey said. "Do you still get out much like we used to?" "Not like the old times" replied Edgar. "But I still man...

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Some funny pick up lines

Do you have a map? Cause I just got lost in your eyes.

If your left leg is Halloween, and your right leg is Christmas, CAN I COME IN BETWEEN HOLIDAYS?

My love for you is like diarrhea, i just can't hold it in.

If i said you had a hot body, would you hold it against me?

Ni...

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A love story

A Love Story


Micro was a real time user and a dedicated multi-user. His broad-band protocol made it easy for him to interface with numerous input/output devices, even if it meant time sharing.

One evening Micro arrived home just as the sun was crashing. He had parked his Motorola ...

So i was picking some flowers today

I was picking some flowers in the fields today when some pulled over and started yelling

"You're on private property,get off right now, sir!"

Hmph.

Daisy me pickin' They hatin'

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A grammar book walks into a bar

* An Oxford comma walks into a bar, where it spends the evening watching the television, getting drunk, and smoking cigars.

* A dangling participle walks into a bar. Enjoying a cocktail and chatting with the bartender, the evening passes pleasantly.

* A bar was walked into by the pass...

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The World's Most Hardcore Biker

The world's most hardcore biker walks in to a bar while he's riding his bike across the country. He's wearing his ratty jeans, combat boots and his ragged leather vest showing off all his less than legal achievements. As he walks in, all eyes in the building fall upon him, his very stride exuding ma...

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[NSFW] Glitter

A White guy, a brown guy, and a black guy go on a road trip. Along the way to their destination, they have engine issues and the car breaks down. Nearest service station is over 50 miles away, fortunately for them, there is a house farm nearby.They get to the door and knock.

An old, bitter l...

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